Embrace Conflict by Cheryl Richardson

Embrace Conflict by Cheryl Richardson


It's a beautiful, spring-like day here in the Northeast and it feels good to be home enjoying the sun and warmth. Michael and I returned from Paris last week after a business trip that gave us the opportunity to visit places like the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, and the Basilica of the Sacred Heart of Jesus Church. The beauty and grandeur of Paris is beyond words.

During our vacation I was struck by a feeling I often experience when I travel - conflict. While I enjoyed the sights and sounds of Paris and the magical experiences we encountered, I also missed the beauty and comfort of our home (and, of course, our cat, Poupon). The feelings for both were equally strong.

Several times during the week I had to stop and re-center myself in the present moment to take full advantage of our time in Paris. When I did, I found myself recalling a message I heard long ago from a teacher who has had a profound influence on my life and my work. Her name is Marion Woodman and she used to tell us that wholeness comes from learning to "hold the tension of the opposites."

We live in a world of duality. There's daylight and nighttime, summer and winter, good and evil. It's the nature of living as a human being on earth to deal with the tension of opposites. And yet, navigating the complex feelings that come from holding this tension can be stressful and challenging at best. You interview for a new job, for example, and find yourself anxiously waiting to hear how you did while knowing that at the same time you need to be patient and detached from the outcome. Or, you try to be a good parent by encouraging your son to go out into the world to live a full, rich life, while everything inside you begs to hold tight to keep him safe.

How do we hold the tension of the opposites and still thrive and enjoy our lives? What can we do to make this experience less stressful? Here are a few things that helped me:

Give voice to your feelings. As I grappled with mixed emotions during the trip, I felt alone and a little crazy. After all, here I was in one of the most beautiful cities in the world and part of me wanted to be home. It didn't make sense. But, once I stopped suffering in silence and shared my thoughts with Michael, I discovered that he felt it, too. Sharing my feelings and knowing I wasn't alone immediately made me feel better.

Honor the opposites. Rather than judge one side as better or worse than the other, give both parts of you equal consideration. I spent some time by myself writing about the traveler in me who was thoroughly enjoying seeing new places, meeting new people, and having new adventures. And I also wrote about the other part that loved our home, missed Poupon, and wanted the comfort and peace of familiar routines. What I soon discovered was that giving time and space to both parts of me made me feel stronger and more capable of being with the tension.

Strengthen your ability to hold both. Once I felt stronger, I had a glimpse of what Marion was talking about when she said that "wholeness" comes from holding the tension of the opposites. Rather than try to exorcise or ignore my uncomfortable feelings, I needed to see the choice to be with both as a kind of "inner training session." As I centered myself in the tension, I imagined weaving parts of me together into a stronger, more mature woman. By doing this I was developing an emotional muscle that would ultimately allow me to bring more of who I am to the world.

I hope this makes sense. As is often the case, I'm working it out as I write. I know I'm not alone, though. We're all faced with the task of living with opposing feelings and experiences. It's what we do with it that matters most. My intention is to master the art of holding myself in the beauty and possibility of the in-between world. And I invite you to join me ☺.


Take Action Challenge

This week, identify an inner conflict that reflects two different parts of you. Then, talk to someone about it. Share your feelings and experiences. Give time and attention to both parts by writing about them in a journal or notebook. Finally, find an image that reflects the strength of holding the tension and allow this image to inspire you to stay steady and strong.

Disturb Me, Please! by Margaret Wheatley

Disturb Me, Please!
by


In graduate school, I had one professor who encouraged us to notice what surprised or disturbed us. If we were surprised by some statement, it indicated we were assuming that something else was true. If we were disturbed by a comment, it indicated we held a belief contrary to that. Noticing what disturbs me has been an incredibly useful lens into my interior, deeply held beliefs. When I'm shocked at anther's position, I have the opportunity to see my own position in greater clarity. When I hear myself saying "How could anyone believe something like that?!" a doorway has opened for me to see what I believe. These moments of true disturbance are grehttp://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=255639545562445290#at gifts. In making my beliefs visible, they allow me to consciously choose them again, or change them.

What if we were to be together and listen to each other's comments with a willingness to expose rather than to confirm our own beliefs and opinions? What if we were to willingly listen to one another with the awareness that we each see the world in unique ways? And with the expectation that I could learn something new if I listen for the differences rather than the similarities?

We have this opportunity many times in a day, everyday. What might we see, what might we learn, what might we create together, if we become this kind of listener, one who enjoys the differences and welcomes in disturbance? I know we would be delightfully startled by how much difference there is. And then we would be wonderfully comforted by how much closer we became, because every time we listen well, we move towards each other. From our new thoughts and our new companions, we would all become wiser.

It would be more fruitful to explore this strange and puzzling world if we were together. It would also be far less frightening and lonely. We would be together, brought together by our differences rather than separated by them. When we are willing to be disturbed by newness rather than clinging to our certainty, when we are willing to truly listen to someone who sees the world differently, then wonderful things happen. We learn that we don't have to agree with each other in order to explore together. There is no need to be joined together at the head, as long as we are joined together at the heart.

What Will You Reveal Today by Paul Hoffman

What Will You Reveal Today by Paul Hoffman

The flow of life has a perfect order to it, a perfect dimension of ease and grace that effortlessly reveals itself in a perfect calling called YOU. As you continue to awaken your beingness to the calling you become more clear and certain about your magnificent brilliance and creative genius. When you release all thoughts of lack and limitation then the feeling tone of infinite possibility takes over and you are guided towards the dream in your heart. All things line up in your favor and you begin to see yourself differently and confidently. You begin to step into a knowingness as you are surrounded by opportunities that will open up all the doors to your success. You are no longer fearful about what it is you are seeking to express. No longer concerned about what others may think. You are determined to live your life in a complete state of effortless imagination and divine inspiration. You begin to ask yourself the question, "How can I be of service today ?", as you bring forth a consciousness of inclusivity and oneness. You are walking on a path of unconditional love for all.

"What will YOU reveal today?" This is a magnificent way to look at your life. It is designed to bring out the best in you. It offers you a peace of mind that opens you up to what is central in your heart. In each moment of your day there is always something seeking to be expressed that releases a feeling tone of divine perfection and graceful existence. Where you are living, that place that is your mind, body and spiritual home, is your sanctuary. Make certain that it is grounded in a belief that who you are is a gifted and unique being whose time is now to offer your talents for a better world for all. Make sure that in every moment of your day you stay connected to the infinite source of divine intelligence that is constantly being broadcast to you inviting you to hear the calling of your heart. Give of yourself freely and be ready to receive all you need to have an extraordinary and amazing life. It begins when you are willing to reveal all your brilliance, genius, creativity, and magnificence. It's time to shine your light and surrender to the authentic expression of your life. YOU are truly awesome and exceptional. Live from this truth!

"Reveal your brilliance today. Hold back nothing and as you do all those you meet will become inspired by you and will absolutely want to share their brilliance too. In this co-creative spirit amazing things will happen as we create a world that works for everyone."

I AM inspired by the thoughts I AM thinking
I AM a constant flow of creative imagination
I AM open to receive all the blessings being sent to me
I AM willing to send step into my brilliance
I know that there is opportunity everywhere I AM
I say yes to what is seeking to reveal itself as me today
I am having an awesome day!

It's your day...MAKE IT A GREAT ONE!

Happy Yet? By Lionel Ketchian

Happy Yet?
By Lionel Ketchian

Eight years ago I decided to try to hand feed some birds in my backyard. I put some crushed walnuts in my right hand and extended it. It was winter and the weather was cold, but I stood absolutely motionless, and completely quiet. Within a few minutes, a bird landed on my hand for the first time in my life. It was a cute tiny bird called a Black Capped Chickadee.

It flew onto the tip of my fingers, picked up a piece of walnut and flew off to enjoy it. Soon it returned to land on my hand again. This time it picked up a piece of walnut and dropped it on the ground. Then it picked up another and dropped that on the ground as well. Finally it selected a third piece, which must have been just the right one, and flew off with it. It trusted me enough to take its time and make sure it had a nice delicious piece.

It was not long after this event that I realized I had read the following quote by Nathaniel Hawthorne. "Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." Now I can say, "Happiness is a Black Capped Chickadee, a cute tiny bird, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."

For me, an interchange with nature is an unforgettable occasion and is nothing less than a spiritual experience. This event made me realize that happiness requires us to quiet down and allow things to come to us. The more we pursue things that are beyond our grasp, the more they move away. The faster we try to pursue them, the faster they move away. Happiness requires us to relax, become quiet, and act as if we will get what we expect, without the need to become upset if we don't.

The greatest things in life require patience, mindfulness, and knowledge of what is possible; being happy is a similar thing. I never thought I would be able to feed a wild bird and I thought the odds were against me. You may not think you can do something like become happy, but if you learn enough about happiness, you can do it. The important thing is knowing it can be done. It has been done before. Remember the four-minute mile. People did not believe it was possible to run a mile in less than four minutes. As soon as one person did it, the record began to be broken over and over again. What one person can do, another can do also.

Have you wondered: Is it possible to be happy all the time? Yes, it is! How is it possible to be happy all the time? Being happy all the time does not mean bad things don't happen to you. It just means you are able to handle them and not let them make you helpless and hopeless.

You may ask: How can I be happy? You can be happy by making happiness a decision, and by choosing happiness all the time. You can be happy by not allowing a situation, or a person to make you unhappy. Don't give up your happiness, because happiness is what you want more than anything else.

You may wonder: Why is happiness important? When things make you unhappy, you lose your power. In fact, you give your power away to the things that make you unhappy. The truth is, when you allow someone to make you unhappy, you have given your power to that person. Happiness is an issue of power. It's time to take your power back!

If your question is: What if something bad happens? This is the time that you need happiness the most, during times of hardship and stress. Happiness should be your strategy for dealing with negative things. When bad things happen, you need all the balance, wisdom and endurance you can find. Happiness allows you to gain access to your emotional intelligence. It is in times of difficulty, that you need to control your thinking, so you don't allow stinking thinking. You become unhappy as a result of your thinking, not because of what has happened to you. Your reaction, as a result of your thinking is what makes you unhappy, not the event itself. Happiness is your connection to yourself.

If your concern is: How can I make happiness work for me? The decision to be happy allows you to find out when you are off track. As soon as you realize you are unhappy, you are in control of changing your thoughts to allow you to choose happiness and get yourself back on the right track. You can practice being happy even when you feel unhappy. Pretend to be happy and you will start to make yourself feel happy. Act as if you are happy and you will become happy. Once you are operating with happiness, you begin to gain access to your best thoughts, change your negative ones, and your whole state of mind becomes peaceful. You begin to be flooded with good choices, alternatives, and options. You will begin to have ideas to serve you in the best way to find solutions to the problems you face.

What if there is no solution to my problem? If there is truly no solution, you have no problem. You have something that you do not like and cannot change. In this case, you are the problem. You will therefore remain unhappy unless, and until you change your attitude. Learn to accept what you cannot change, and move forward.

Do I have to live with what I don't like? If you can change it -- change it! If you can't change it, then learn to love it, or it will make you unhappy. Once you change your attitude about the thing you can't change and don't like, the situation can change. What you resist -- persists. When you stop fighting what you can't do anything about, the problem usually vanishes. Remember the "Serenity Prayer" and let happiness show you the wisdom to know the difference between what you can and cannot change.

Finally, you ask: When can I be happy? Be Happy Now! Stretch out your arm and as you open your hand, you realize that happiness is right there in the palm of your hand. It has always been within you. It's time! Go and Be Happy!

"Being happy ..." By Lionel Ketchian

Being happy is the well being that comes from a balanced mind. The more control of our thinking we have, the more our mind is not always telling us what we should be doing. We can then start to experience more happiness. As Aristotle said, "It is the mark of an educated mind to entertain a thought without accepting it." If we cannot stop our thoughts from always telling us what to think about or what to react to then we are not in control of ourselves. This is the reason we feel that doing things will get us where we think we need to be. The truth is we really don't need to do anything or go anywhere. If we start right where we are now, we can begin to realize we have everything we need to be happy. What are we missing? The realization that we have everything we need to start being happy right now. Ask yourself: Is that thought serving me?

HAPPINESS QUOTES

When you are unhappy, you've allowed yourself to be framed. When you are in a frame it is impossible to see the whole picture. See the big picture and stay happy.
- Lionel Ketchian

What is happiness?
It is unconditional acceptance of life, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Once we can understand unconditional happiness we can love, and be loved. Part of what I am talking about is accepting yourself for all your parts, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Once you do that you realize you are good enough. In fact you're perfect! When you feel good about yourself it is then that you can improve yourself. In fact Being Happy is the best self-improvement exercise that I know of.
- Lionel Ketchian

The Warrior of Light and his temperament by Paulo Coelho

The Warrior of Light and his temperament
by Paulo Coelho

The Warrior of Light can afford to live each day different from the next. He is not afraid of crying over old regrets or feeling happy at new discoveries. When he feels that the hour has come, he casts everything aside and departs for the adventure he has dreamed so long about. When he understands that he is at the limit of his endurance, he leaves the fight, without feeling apologetic for having done one or two crazy and quite unexpected things.

The story below illustrates what I mean.


A man in quest of sanctity decided to climb a high mountain with just the clothes on his back and remain up there meditating for the rest of his life.

Soon he realized that one set of clothes was not enough, because it would get dirty very quick. He descended the mountain, went to the nearest village and asked for other clothes. Since everyone knew that the man was in quest of sanctity, they handed him a new pair of shoes and a shirt.

The man thanked them and climbed back up to the hermitage he was building on the top of the mountain. He spent the night putting up the walls and the days in meditation, eating the fruit of the trees and drinking the water of a nearby spring.

One month later he discovered that a mouse was chewing the extra clothes he had left to dry. Since he wanted to concentrate only on his spiritual duty, he went back down to the village and asked them to find him a cat.

The villagers, in respect for his mission, satisfied his request.

Another seven days and the cat was almost dying of starvation because it could not eat just fruit, and there were no more mice in the place. He went back down to the village for milk; as the villagers knew it was not for him – after all, he resisted without eating anything other than what nature offered him - once more they helped him.

The cat finished the milk quickly, so the man asked them to lend him a cow.

Since the cow gave more milk than was needed, he began to drink it too, so as not to waste it. In a short time – breathing the mountain air, eating fruit, meditating, drinking milk and doing exercises – he turned into a model of beauty. A lovely girl who climbed the mountain looking for her lamb fell in love with him and convinced him that he needed a wife to look after the house while he meditated in peace.

The man spent three days fasting, trying to know which was the best decision to make. Finally he understood that marriage is a blessing from above, and accepted the proposal.

Three years later, the man was married, with two sons, three cows, an orchard of fruit trees, and he ran a place for meditation, with a huge waiting line of people who wanted to know the miraculous “temple of eternal youth.”

When someone asked him how all that had started, he would say:

“Two weeks after I arrived up here, I had only two garments. A mouse began to chew one of them, and...”

But no-one was interested in the end of the story; they were sure that he was a wise businessman just trying to invent a legend to be able to raise even higher the price he charged the lodgers at the temple.

But like a good Warrior of Light, he did not bother about what others thought; he was happy because he was able to transform his dreams into reality.

Learning to Stay by Pema Chodron

Learning to Stay
by Pema Chodron

In meditation we discover our inherent restlessness. Sometimes we get up and leave. Sometimes we sit there but our bodies wiggle and squirm and our minds go far away. This can be so uncomfortable that we feel it's impossible to stay. Yet this feeling can teach us not just about ourselves but also about what it is to be human. All of us derive security and comfort from the imaginary world of memories and fantasies and plans. We really don't want to stay with the nakedness of our present experience. it goes against the grain to stay present. These are the times when only gentleness and a sense of humor can give us the strength to settle down.

The pith instruction is, Stay...stay...just stay. Learning to stay with ourselves in meditation is like training a dog. If we train a dog by beating it, we'll end up with an obedient but very inflexible and rather terrified dog. The dog may obey when we say, "Stay!" "Come!" "Roll over!" and "Sit up!" but he will also be neurotic and confused. By contrast, training with kindness results in someone who is flexible and confident, who doesn't become upset when situations are unpredictable and insecure.

So whenever we wander off, we gently encourage ourselves to "stay" and settle down. are we experiencing restlessness? Stay! Discursive mind? Stay! Aching knees and throbbing back? Stay!. What's for lunch? Stay! What am I doing here? Stay! I can't stand this another minute! Stay! That is how we cultivate steadfastness. [...]

When our emotions intensify, what we usually feel is fear. This fear is always lurking in our lives. In sitting meditation we practice dropping whatever story we are telling ourselves and leaning into the emotions and the fear, Thus we train in opening the fearful heart to the restlessness of our own energy. We learn to abide with the experience of our emotional distress. [...]

Coming back to the present moment takes some effort, but the effort is very light. The instruction is to "touch and go." we touch thoughts by acknowledging them as thinking and then we let them go. It's a way of relaxing our struggle, like touching a bubble with a feather. It's a nonaggressive approach to being here.

- Pema Chodron, from 'The Places That Scare You"