How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship
Several years ago Pat Love Ed.D. and Sunny Shulkin Ph.D., two Imago trainers and therapists, published a book titled How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship. Below is part of their list of some behaviors they identify which can, indeed, ruin a relationship:
• Control everything and everyone
• Never take the blame yourself; instead, make your partner wrong
• Make it a habit to spend more money than you have
• Win every fight, even the ones you couldn’t care less about
• Keep score
• Use threat often
• Find your partner’s weak spot and use it against him/her
• When your partner tries to please you, find fault with their efforts
• Hold fast to the belief: “If you loved me you would know what I want”
• Demand your partner remain faithful but refuse to meet his or her sexual needs
• Use silence as a weapon
• Pretend that you don’t hear
• When your partner tries to apologize, bring up more complaints
• Refuse to give information
• When you realize you haven’t given your partner some important info, insist that you did
• Claim to be the only one interested in the relationship
• Never ask for help
• Confide only in friends
• Take it personally when your partner wants time alone
• Discount your partner’s physical complaints
• Give advice where it isn’t welcome
• Never pick up after yourself
• Refuse to seek help for your depression
• Refuse to talk
• Focus on changing your partner
• Focus all your needs on sex
• Take all problems as further proof that the relationship will not work
• Put your friends before your partner
• Keep romantic gestures to a minimum
• Focus on your partner’s faults and deny your own
• Let days go by without a kind word or loving gesture
• Practice verbal abuse
• Do not listen to your partner’s ideas or suggestions
• Ask your partner to share feelings and when s/he does, EXPLODE
• Start conversations when your partner is busy, or better yet, exhausted
• Let disagreements fester
• Say what you think your partner wants to hear, then do as you please
Showing posts with label Resistances. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Resistances. Show all posts
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Embrace Conflict by Cheryl Richardson
Embrace Conflict by Cheryl Richardson
It's a beautiful, spring-like day here in the Northeast and it feels good to be home enjoying the sun and warmth. Michael and I returned from Paris last week after a business trip that gave us the opportunity to visit places like the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, and the Basilica of the Sacred Heart of Jesus Church. The beauty and grandeur of Paris is beyond words.
During our vacation I was struck by a feeling I often experience when I travel - conflict. While I enjoyed the sights and sounds of Paris and the magical experiences we encountered, I also missed the beauty and comfort of our home (and, of course, our cat, Poupon). The feelings for both were equally strong.
Several times during the week I had to stop and re-center myself in the present moment to take full advantage of our time in Paris. When I did, I found myself recalling a message I heard long ago from a teacher who has had a profound influence on my life and my work. Her name is Marion Woodman and she used to tell us that wholeness comes from learning to "hold the tension of the opposites."
We live in a world of duality. There's daylight and nighttime, summer and winter, good and evil. It's the nature of living as a human being on earth to deal with the tension of opposites. And yet, navigating the complex feelings that come from holding this tension can be stressful and challenging at best. You interview for a new job, for example, and find yourself anxiously waiting to hear how you did while knowing that at the same time you need to be patient and detached from the outcome. Or, you try to be a good parent by encouraging your son to go out into the world to live a full, rich life, while everything inside you begs to hold tight to keep him safe.
How do we hold the tension of the opposites and still thrive and enjoy our lives? What can we do to make this experience less stressful? Here are a few things that helped me:
Give voice to your feelings. As I grappled with mixed emotions during the trip, I felt alone and a little crazy. After all, here I was in one of the most beautiful cities in the world and part of me wanted to be home. It didn't make sense. But, once I stopped suffering in silence and shared my thoughts with Michael, I discovered that he felt it, too. Sharing my feelings and knowing I wasn't alone immediately made me feel better.
Honor the opposites. Rather than judge one side as better or worse than the other, give both parts of you equal consideration. I spent some time by myself writing about the traveler in me who was thoroughly enjoying seeing new places, meeting new people, and having new adventures. And I also wrote about the other part that loved our home, missed Poupon, and wanted the comfort and peace of familiar routines. What I soon discovered was that giving time and space to both parts of me made me feel stronger and more capable of being with the tension.
Strengthen your ability to hold both. Once I felt stronger, I had a glimpse of what Marion was talking about when she said that "wholeness" comes from holding the tension of the opposites. Rather than try to exorcise or ignore my uncomfortable feelings, I needed to see the choice to be with both as a kind of "inner training session." As I centered myself in the tension, I imagined weaving parts of me together into a stronger, more mature woman. By doing this I was developing an emotional muscle that would ultimately allow me to bring more of who I am to the world.
I hope this makes sense. As is often the case, I'm working it out as I write. I know I'm not alone, though. We're all faced with the task of living with opposing feelings and experiences. It's what we do with it that matters most. My intention is to master the art of holding myself in the beauty and possibility of the in-between world. And I invite you to join me ☺.
Take Action Challenge
This week, identify an inner conflict that reflects two different parts of you. Then, talk to someone about it. Share your feelings and experiences. Give time and attention to both parts by writing about them in a journal or notebook. Finally, find an image that reflects the strength of holding the tension and allow this image to inspire you to stay steady and strong.
It's a beautiful, spring-like day here in the Northeast and it feels good to be home enjoying the sun and warmth. Michael and I returned from Paris last week after a business trip that gave us the opportunity to visit places like the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, and the Basilica of the Sacred Heart of Jesus Church. The beauty and grandeur of Paris is beyond words.
During our vacation I was struck by a feeling I often experience when I travel - conflict. While I enjoyed the sights and sounds of Paris and the magical experiences we encountered, I also missed the beauty and comfort of our home (and, of course, our cat, Poupon). The feelings for both were equally strong.
Several times during the week I had to stop and re-center myself in the present moment to take full advantage of our time in Paris. When I did, I found myself recalling a message I heard long ago from a teacher who has had a profound influence on my life and my work. Her name is Marion Woodman and she used to tell us that wholeness comes from learning to "hold the tension of the opposites."
We live in a world of duality. There's daylight and nighttime, summer and winter, good and evil. It's the nature of living as a human being on earth to deal with the tension of opposites. And yet, navigating the complex feelings that come from holding this tension can be stressful and challenging at best. You interview for a new job, for example, and find yourself anxiously waiting to hear how you did while knowing that at the same time you need to be patient and detached from the outcome. Or, you try to be a good parent by encouraging your son to go out into the world to live a full, rich life, while everything inside you begs to hold tight to keep him safe.
How do we hold the tension of the opposites and still thrive and enjoy our lives? What can we do to make this experience less stressful? Here are a few things that helped me:
Give voice to your feelings. As I grappled with mixed emotions during the trip, I felt alone and a little crazy. After all, here I was in one of the most beautiful cities in the world and part of me wanted to be home. It didn't make sense. But, once I stopped suffering in silence and shared my thoughts with Michael, I discovered that he felt it, too. Sharing my feelings and knowing I wasn't alone immediately made me feel better.
Honor the opposites. Rather than judge one side as better or worse than the other, give both parts of you equal consideration. I spent some time by myself writing about the traveler in me who was thoroughly enjoying seeing new places, meeting new people, and having new adventures. And I also wrote about the other part that loved our home, missed Poupon, and wanted the comfort and peace of familiar routines. What I soon discovered was that giving time and space to both parts of me made me feel stronger and more capable of being with the tension.
Strengthen your ability to hold both. Once I felt stronger, I had a glimpse of what Marion was talking about when she said that "wholeness" comes from holding the tension of the opposites. Rather than try to exorcise or ignore my uncomfortable feelings, I needed to see the choice to be with both as a kind of "inner training session." As I centered myself in the tension, I imagined weaving parts of me together into a stronger, more mature woman. By doing this I was developing an emotional muscle that would ultimately allow me to bring more of who I am to the world.
I hope this makes sense. As is often the case, I'm working it out as I write. I know I'm not alone, though. We're all faced with the task of living with opposing feelings and experiences. It's what we do with it that matters most. My intention is to master the art of holding myself in the beauty and possibility of the in-between world. And I invite you to join me ☺.
Take Action Challenge
This week, identify an inner conflict that reflects two different parts of you. Then, talk to someone about it. Share your feelings and experiences. Give time and attention to both parts by writing about them in a journal or notebook. Finally, find an image that reflects the strength of holding the tension and allow this image to inspire you to stay steady and strong.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
"Blame" -- TUT... A Note from the Universe
Without "blame," at least 50% of all grounded relationships would have continued sailing.
And I'm all for sailing.
Your first mate,
The Universe
Not that "fault" doesn't exist .... but blame throws the whole thing out of context.
Thoughts become things... choose the good ones! ®
© www.tut.com ®
And I'm all for sailing.
Your first mate,
The Universe
Not that "fault" doesn't exist .... but blame throws the whole thing out of context.
Thoughts become things... choose the good ones! ®
© www.tut.com ®
Monday, June 29, 2009
Fear, a four letter word by Pam Thomas
Fear, a four letter word by Pam Thomas
What is fear?
Fear sometimes protects us, helping us to avoid danger or pain.
Fear is an obstacle or blockage that keeps us from moving forward.
Fear is a feeling.
Fear can be real and valid.
Fear is a great place to hide.
It is OK to feel fearful, especially when it comes to your own safety and well-being. It is OK to feel fearful about your dreams, about taking risks; feeling fear is a natural human emotion.
But here's something to consider; if fear is not serving as a protector from danger, should fear be allowed to stand in your way of creating the life you desire and deserve?
Consider the following few things about fear....
* Fear only resides in the past and the future.
* Fear does not like postives.
* Fear disappears when deep breathing is present.
For just one moment imagine having the ability to flow, to really move through your day without doubt or fear. Imagine diving into new projects, taking exciting risks, setting dreams into action without the second guessing or the white knuckles. What would that be like? What would that feel like? Sit with that thought or feeling for a moment. Soak it in, remember it, especially during the times when fear is preventing you from doing something that will serve you in a positive way.
If that does not work for you, feel free to give these additional strategies a try...
1. Become very present, in the here and the now. Stop, take a good look around you and engage your five senses. What do you see? What do you hear? etc.
2. Take four deep cleansing breaths to a count of four; four counts in through the nose and exhale to a count of four through the mouth.
3. The brain, while an amazing wonder, can’t think positive and negative thoughts at the same time. So since fear evokes negative thoughts try copping an attitude of gratitude. Take your hand, place it over your heart and in the moment list no less than three things you are most grateful for.
4. Take stock of the fear. Ask yourself is the fear serving you in a positive or negative way? Creating awareness is a powerful way to combat fear, because from awareness comes the ability to choose.
Just remember you deserve to have the life you desire without the fear. Here's to eradicating that four letter from your vocabulary.
FEAR= False Evidence Appearing Real
What is fear?
Fear sometimes protects us, helping us to avoid danger or pain.
Fear is an obstacle or blockage that keeps us from moving forward.
Fear is a feeling.
Fear can be real and valid.
Fear is a great place to hide.
It is OK to feel fearful, especially when it comes to your own safety and well-being. It is OK to feel fearful about your dreams, about taking risks; feeling fear is a natural human emotion.
But here's something to consider; if fear is not serving as a protector from danger, should fear be allowed to stand in your way of creating the life you desire and deserve?
Consider the following few things about fear....
* Fear only resides in the past and the future.
* Fear does not like postives.
* Fear disappears when deep breathing is present.
For just one moment imagine having the ability to flow, to really move through your day without doubt or fear. Imagine diving into new projects, taking exciting risks, setting dreams into action without the second guessing or the white knuckles. What would that be like? What would that feel like? Sit with that thought or feeling for a moment. Soak it in, remember it, especially during the times when fear is preventing you from doing something that will serve you in a positive way.
If that does not work for you, feel free to give these additional strategies a try...
1. Become very present, in the here and the now. Stop, take a good look around you and engage your five senses. What do you see? What do you hear? etc.
2. Take four deep cleansing breaths to a count of four; four counts in through the nose and exhale to a count of four through the mouth.
3. The brain, while an amazing wonder, can’t think positive and negative thoughts at the same time. So since fear evokes negative thoughts try copping an attitude of gratitude. Take your hand, place it over your heart and in the moment list no less than three things you are most grateful for.
4. Take stock of the fear. Ask yourself is the fear serving you in a positive or negative way? Creating awareness is a powerful way to combat fear, because from awareness comes the ability to choose.
Just remember you deserve to have the life you desire without the fear. Here's to eradicating that four letter from your vocabulary.
FEAR= False Evidence Appearing Real
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Good Things Come to Those Who Ask by Jack Canfield
Good Things Come to Those Who Ask
by Jack Canfield
Asking for what you need is probably the most underutilized tool for people. And yet, amazing requests have been granted to people simply because they've asked for it!
Whether its money, information, support, assistance, or time, most people are afraid to ask for what they need in order to make their dreams come true.
They might be afraid of looking needy, ignorant, helpless, or even greedy. More than likely though, it is the fear of rejection that is holding them back. Even though they are afraid to hear the word no, they're already saying it to themselves by not asking!
Do you ask for what you want or are you afraid of rejection?
Consider this: Rejection is just a concept. There is really no such thing as rejection! You're not any worse off by hearing no than you were before you asked. You didn't have what you asked for before you asked and you still don't, so what did you lose?
Being rejected doesn't hold you back from anything. Only YOU hold yourself back. When you realize that there's no merit to rejection, you'll feel more comfortable asking for things. You may just need a bit of help learning how to ask for what you want.
How to Ask for What You Want
There's a specific science to asking for and getting what you want or need in life. And while I recommend you learn more by studying The Aladdin Factor, here are some quick tips to get you started:
1. Ask as if you expect to get it. Ask with a positive expectation. Ask from the place that you have already been given it. It is a done deal. Ask as if you expect to get a "yes."
2. Assume you can. Don't start with the assumption that you can't get it. If you are going to assume, assume you can get an upgrade. Assume you can get a table by the window. Assume that you can return it without a sales slip. Assume that you can get a scholarship, that you can get a raise, that you can get tickets at this late date. Don't ever assume against yourself.
3. Ask someone who can give it to you. Qualify the person. Who would I have to speak to to get...Who is authorized to make a decision about...What would have to happen for me to get...
4. Be clear and specific. In my seminars, I often ask, "Who wants more money in their life?" I'll pick someone who raised their hand and give them a quarter, asking, "Is that enough for you?" "No? Well, how would I know how much you want. How would anybody know?"
You need to ask for a specific number. Too many people are walking around wanting more of something, but not being specific enough to obtain it.
5. Ask repeatedly. One of the most important Success Principles is the commitment to not give up.
Whenever we're asking others to participate in the fulfillment of our goals, some people are going to say "no." They may have other priorities, commitments and reasons not to participate. It's no reflection on you.
Just get used to the idea that there's going to be a lot of rejection along the way to the brass ring. The key is to not give up. When someone says "No"-- you say "NEXT!" Why?
Because when you keep on asking, even the same person again and again...they might say "yes"...
...on a different day
...when they are in a better mood
...when you have new data to present
...after you've proven your commitment to them
...when circumstances have changed
...when you've learned how to close better
...when you've established better rapport
...when they trust you more
...when you have paid your dues
...when the economy is better
...and so on.
Kids know this Success Principle better than anyone. They will ask the same person over and over again without any hesitation (can you relate!).
Getting a good perspective on rejection and learning how to ask will make a world of difference for you as you work toward your goals. Practice asking and you'll get very good at it! You'll even speed your progress by getting what you need, or improving yourself in order to get it later.
Make a list of what you need to ask for in all areas of your life, and start asking.
Remember, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE... if you dare to ask!
© 2009 Jack Canfield
* * *
by Jack Canfield
Asking for what you need is probably the most underutilized tool for people. And yet, amazing requests have been granted to people simply because they've asked for it!
Whether its money, information, support, assistance, or time, most people are afraid to ask for what they need in order to make their dreams come true.
They might be afraid of looking needy, ignorant, helpless, or even greedy. More than likely though, it is the fear of rejection that is holding them back. Even though they are afraid to hear the word no, they're already saying it to themselves by not asking!
Do you ask for what you want or are you afraid of rejection?
Consider this: Rejection is just a concept. There is really no such thing as rejection! You're not any worse off by hearing no than you were before you asked. You didn't have what you asked for before you asked and you still don't, so what did you lose?
Being rejected doesn't hold you back from anything. Only YOU hold yourself back. When you realize that there's no merit to rejection, you'll feel more comfortable asking for things. You may just need a bit of help learning how to ask for what you want.
How to Ask for What You Want
There's a specific science to asking for and getting what you want or need in life. And while I recommend you learn more by studying The Aladdin Factor, here are some quick tips to get you started:
1. Ask as if you expect to get it. Ask with a positive expectation. Ask from the place that you have already been given it. It is a done deal. Ask as if you expect to get a "yes."
2. Assume you can. Don't start with the assumption that you can't get it. If you are going to assume, assume you can get an upgrade. Assume you can get a table by the window. Assume that you can return it without a sales slip. Assume that you can get a scholarship, that you can get a raise, that you can get tickets at this late date. Don't ever assume against yourself.
3. Ask someone who can give it to you. Qualify the person. Who would I have to speak to to get...Who is authorized to make a decision about...What would have to happen for me to get...
4. Be clear and specific. In my seminars, I often ask, "Who wants more money in their life?" I'll pick someone who raised their hand and give them a quarter, asking, "Is that enough for you?" "No? Well, how would I know how much you want. How would anybody know?"
You need to ask for a specific number. Too many people are walking around wanting more of something, but not being specific enough to obtain it.
5. Ask repeatedly. One of the most important Success Principles is the commitment to not give up.
Whenever we're asking others to participate in the fulfillment of our goals, some people are going to say "no." They may have other priorities, commitments and reasons not to participate. It's no reflection on you.
Just get used to the idea that there's going to be a lot of rejection along the way to the brass ring. The key is to not give up. When someone says "No"-- you say "NEXT!" Why?
Because when you keep on asking, even the same person again and again...they might say "yes"...
...on a different day
...when they are in a better mood
...when you have new data to present
...after you've proven your commitment to them
...when circumstances have changed
...when you've learned how to close better
...when you've established better rapport
...when they trust you more
...when you have paid your dues
...when the economy is better
...and so on.
Kids know this Success Principle better than anyone. They will ask the same person over and over again without any hesitation (can you relate!).
Getting a good perspective on rejection and learning how to ask will make a world of difference for you as you work toward your goals. Practice asking and you'll get very good at it! You'll even speed your progress by getting what you need, or improving yourself in order to get it later.
Make a list of what you need to ask for in all areas of your life, and start asking.
Remember, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE... if you dare to ask!
© 2009 Jack Canfield
* * *
Friday, April 3, 2009
Welcome to Your New Beginning! by Angie Sierra
Everything in your life happens for a reason, You didn't just so happen to subscribe to these emails and are now continuing to read each word. (Note: I discovered Angie's articles, subscribed and believe they're worthy of sharing)
This is not a coincidence, its all apart of YOUR Journey.
Maybe you're looking for answers or in need of encouraging words, maybe you're looking to change your present life, find balance and move forward.
Or maybe you're one of my supportive friends (which I welcome and
appreciate by the way)Whatever your reasons are, they've lead to this moment...
As you know, we don't live in a perfect world and things aren't always going to go as planned. Running into obstacles and always facing challenges are apart of our lives. The lessons we learn, the sacrifices we take, the emotional roller coaster we face and the negativity we live in, are there to help us Experience, Learn, and Evolve.
Some might ask, "Then how do I deal with it all, especially the stress, challenges and bad situations?"
Its very simple.
The answer:
By Never Giving Up and Thinking Positive No Matter What.
For example lets say you get hurt or were involved in some sort of accident and now your in the hospital. Its OK... Things aren't always what they seem. Maybe you needed to get some rest an take a break, maybe you were moving too fast and needed to slow down, maybe you were headed towards something worse and this had to happen to stop you from going any further. There's always a deeper meaning. You'll see & understand exactly why things happen but only after overcoming the emotional process.
Remember this: Your Greatest Learning Experiences always come from bad situations. let me repeat "Your Greatest Learning Experiences Always Come From Bad Situations".
Accept your problems and solve them as they come. Tell yourself your challenges are temporary and will pass. Ask "What is this experience trying to teach me" or "How can I grow from this setback?". This helps deal with the situation, finding ways to solve, accept and move forward...
You see you're a Powerful Person who can influence and attract more good then bad in your life by Feeding your Mind with Positive Thoughts no matter what. Overcoming our obstacles and gaining knowledge along the way is what its all about.
Take the First Breath, Welcome to Your New Beginning!
P.S I understand many of us have hectic life's but we need time off to work On Ourselves to Create a more Positive Outcome. Having a personal journal to write down any thoughts, dreams, goals, quotes, etc. is a great way to help develop your personal growth. It increases your self-awareness and helps keep you on track. By also writing the exact dates and time, will allow you to go back reflective and analyze where your state of mind was at that moment.
So everyday or at least 2×'s a week set a quiet time for yourself to relax, clear your mind, gather your thoughts and look over your journal. This is the time to Reevaluate your life, make changes and Improvements. To have awareness and clarity, to receive guidelines, hunches, and ideas. (with No distractions)
P.S.S Its also extremely important when receiving an email, you reread that particular email at least 2×'s that week.
A suggestion would be to place your emails in one folder for easy access, by clicking on Move...[New Folder]...then entering a name for your folder...and moving all your emails into that folder. Your new folder will be located on the left hand side underneath My Folders.
The Value Of Learning Is Truly Beyond Words
Have an Amazing Journey!
TrueHealthAndHappiness.com
© Copyright 2009 TrueHealthAndHappiness.com
This is not a coincidence, its all apart of YOUR Journey.
Maybe you're looking for answers or in need of encouraging words, maybe you're looking to change your present life, find balance and move forward.
Or maybe you're one of my supportive friends (which I welcome and
appreciate by the way)Whatever your reasons are, they've lead to this moment...
As you know, we don't live in a perfect world and things aren't always going to go as planned. Running into obstacles and always facing challenges are apart of our lives. The lessons we learn, the sacrifices we take, the emotional roller coaster we face and the negativity we live in, are there to help us Experience, Learn, and Evolve.
Some might ask, "Then how do I deal with it all, especially the stress, challenges and bad situations?"
Its very simple.
The answer:
By Never Giving Up and Thinking Positive No Matter What.
For example lets say you get hurt or were involved in some sort of accident and now your in the hospital. Its OK... Things aren't always what they seem. Maybe you needed to get some rest an take a break, maybe you were moving too fast and needed to slow down, maybe you were headed towards something worse and this had to happen to stop you from going any further. There's always a deeper meaning. You'll see & understand exactly why things happen but only after overcoming the emotional process.
Remember this: Your Greatest Learning Experiences always come from bad situations. let me repeat "Your Greatest Learning Experiences Always Come From Bad Situations".
Accept your problems and solve them as they come. Tell yourself your challenges are temporary and will pass. Ask "What is this experience trying to teach me" or "How can I grow from this setback?". This helps deal with the situation, finding ways to solve, accept and move forward...
You see you're a Powerful Person who can influence and attract more good then bad in your life by Feeding your Mind with Positive Thoughts no matter what. Overcoming our obstacles and gaining knowledge along the way is what its all about.
Take the First Breath, Welcome to Your New Beginning!
P.S I understand many of us have hectic life's but we need time off to work On Ourselves to Create a more Positive Outcome. Having a personal journal to write down any thoughts, dreams, goals, quotes, etc. is a great way to help develop your personal growth. It increases your self-awareness and helps keep you on track. By also writing the exact dates and time, will allow you to go back reflective and analyze where your state of mind was at that moment.
So everyday or at least 2×'s a week set a quiet time for yourself to relax, clear your mind, gather your thoughts and look over your journal. This is the time to Reevaluate your life, make changes and Improvements. To have awareness and clarity, to receive guidelines, hunches, and ideas. (with No distractions)
P.S.S Its also extremely important when receiving an email, you reread that particular email at least 2×'s that week.
A suggestion would be to place your emails in one folder for easy access, by clicking on Move...[New Folder]...then entering a name for your folder...and moving all your emails into that folder. Your new folder will be located on the left hand side underneath My Folders.
The Value Of Learning Is Truly Beyond Words
Have an Amazing Journey!
TrueHealthAndHappiness.com
© Copyright 2009 TrueHealthAndHappiness.com
Suffering From Negative Head-Talk?
Suffering From Negative Head-Talk?
By: Jim Sniechowski and Judith Sherven
Nearly everyone does battle with that pesky voice of self-judgment and sabotaging put-downs that chatters away in our heads.
And, in response to a recent teleseminar we gave titled "The Fear of Being Fabulous" we received a request from a participant who said:
"I would love to hear how you remove the head talk that keeps you from being fabulous. I can get so far and then I'm stopped by my head talk."
Here's our answer . . .
First, you'll know it's Head-Talk by the repetitive, nagging attack on who you are. Your self-respect and self-esteem can end up in the toilet. And you can end up on the edge of . . . well, for us it's sometimes been the pothole from hell.
On the other hand, if you only hear a single reminder or even a reprimand, that's usually your wisdom giving you a heads-up to watch out or correct for behavior that's not in your best interest.
But Negative Head-Talk is relentless once it gets going. Its job is to successfully bring you down and remind you of your "proper" place.
What's "proper" about being put down?
Well, you weren't born turning yourself into a brick of Swiss cheese, with more holes than substance. Right?
Somewhere along your life, probably earlier than later, you were told negative stuff about who you are and what you could accomplish and what you could have and who you could be . . .
Even if you cannot now remember what it was or who said it.
Because if that hadn't happened, there wouldn't be any Negative Scripts in your noggin' that involuntarily blast away at you as Negative Self-Talk.
So, what to do when that destructive force turns on you and fills your head with lies . . .
1) Know they are lies.
2) Remember We're On Your Side and we told you they're lies.
3) Take yourself back to where they came from originally, and see if you can remember who told you those lies, when, and what for...
4) Then notice how, when that Negative Head-Talk takes over, you are still in allegiance to that person and that part of your history.
5) Know that even after you've got hold of its source, when the Negative Self-Talk yammers at you you'll be tempted to side with IT instead of with YOU.
6) So that's when you must practice taking your own side, something you couldn't do when you were younger. But you must practice doing it now.
7) Make the commitment to break your allegiance. This won't happen without fear, pain, and sorrow. And there will be a sense of loss. That's expected and normal.
8) Know that this need to detach from the past is urgent. Because that's the key to your well-being and a fabulous future.
9) Stay away from blame. That just keeps you stuck to the past.And that's just another, less obvious form of your allegiance.
10) Make the commitment to side with your desire. It's your desire that will carve out and light the path to the Positive Head-Talk that you need as your powerful guide and ally.
Now, every time your Negative Head-Talk threatens, you have your own internal arsenal to combat and overcome its power to trash your well-being. With practice you'll see that that voice becomes weaker and less active.
And you will enjoy the freedom to be fabulously alive and loving on your own terms.
For deeper breakthroughs, get Judith & Jim's bonus program "Positive Thinking is NOT Enough". Just go to: http://budurl.com/positivethinkinghww
About the Author:
Judith & Jim are the best-selling authors of five relationship books. Their latest is The Smart Couple's Guide to the Wedding of Your Dreams www.smartweddingcouples.com. To receive Judith & Jim's free tips on making your relationships extraordinary, just go to www.makingtheordinaryextraordinary.com
By: Jim Sniechowski and Judith Sherven
Nearly everyone does battle with that pesky voice of self-judgment and sabotaging put-downs that chatters away in our heads.
And, in response to a recent teleseminar we gave titled "The Fear of Being Fabulous" we received a request from a participant who said:
"I would love to hear how you remove the head talk that keeps you from being fabulous. I can get so far and then I'm stopped by my head talk."
Here's our answer . . .
First, you'll know it's Head-Talk by the repetitive, nagging attack on who you are. Your self-respect and self-esteem can end up in the toilet. And you can end up on the edge of . . . well, for us it's sometimes been the pothole from hell.
On the other hand, if you only hear a single reminder or even a reprimand, that's usually your wisdom giving you a heads-up to watch out or correct for behavior that's not in your best interest.
But Negative Head-Talk is relentless once it gets going. Its job is to successfully bring you down and remind you of your "proper" place.
What's "proper" about being put down?
Well, you weren't born turning yourself into a brick of Swiss cheese, with more holes than substance. Right?
Somewhere along your life, probably earlier than later, you were told negative stuff about who you are and what you could accomplish and what you could have and who you could be . . .
Even if you cannot now remember what it was or who said it.
Because if that hadn't happened, there wouldn't be any Negative Scripts in your noggin' that involuntarily blast away at you as Negative Self-Talk.
So, what to do when that destructive force turns on you and fills your head with lies . . .
1) Know they are lies.
2) Remember We're On Your Side and we told you they're lies.
3) Take yourself back to where they came from originally, and see if you can remember who told you those lies, when, and what for...
4) Then notice how, when that Negative Head-Talk takes over, you are still in allegiance to that person and that part of your history.
5) Know that even after you've got hold of its source, when the Negative Self-Talk yammers at you you'll be tempted to side with IT instead of with YOU.
6) So that's when you must practice taking your own side, something you couldn't do when you were younger. But you must practice doing it now.
7) Make the commitment to break your allegiance. This won't happen without fear, pain, and sorrow. And there will be a sense of loss. That's expected and normal.
8) Know that this need to detach from the past is urgent. Because that's the key to your well-being and a fabulous future.
9) Stay away from blame. That just keeps you stuck to the past.And that's just another, less obvious form of your allegiance.
10) Make the commitment to side with your desire. It's your desire that will carve out and light the path to the Positive Head-Talk that you need as your powerful guide and ally.
Now, every time your Negative Head-Talk threatens, you have your own internal arsenal to combat and overcome its power to trash your well-being. With practice you'll see that that voice becomes weaker and less active.
And you will enjoy the freedom to be fabulously alive and loving on your own terms.
For deeper breakthroughs, get Judith & Jim's bonus program "Positive Thinking is NOT Enough". Just go to: http://budurl.com/positivethinkinghww
About the Author:
Judith & Jim are the best-selling authors of five relationship books. Their latest is The Smart Couple's Guide to the Wedding of Your Dreams www.smartweddingcouples.com. To receive Judith & Jim's free tips on making your relationships extraordinary, just go to www.makingtheordinaryextraordinary.com
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Learning to live in the flow
Kamala Chambers Seattle Conscious Living Examiner
Think of your life as a river. What does it mean to be "in the flow?" How do you know when you are on the right track, making decisions that are in alignment with your purpose? It is the nature of a river to find the path of least resistance. The river doesn't sit around and becomes a couch potato, because then it would just be stagnant water.
When you are "in the flow," your actions follow an effortless path... a path where opportunity opens like those automatic doors at the supermarket. When we spend our time fighting the current, we invite struggle into our lives, creating lives of... struggle. Struggle can seem normal, when it's what you're used to, but we often struggle precisely when we go against ourselves. Most of us are not taught how to listen to our own inner wisdom and guidance. Instead, we are taught how to obey others, and follow rules.
How do we know when we are following inner guidance, and not just old programming? Inner wisdom speaks clearly. When I am making decisions, I go with what follows the "flow." I know a decision is right for me when it is easy. When it feels as though someone has just opened a door and said... "come on in!" These effortless openings let me know I am on the right track, at the right time. When I am met with resistance, I usually take it as a pretty good indicator that, perhaps, it's not the best choice for me. I feel like I have learned, and benefitted from, becoming more aware of when my inner resistance is keeping me from being in the flow of life.
I recently returned from a 10-day Vipassana Meditation Course. Every time I heard about it (friends had referred to it frequently) I resisted it. "I don't meditate. That's not really for me. I enjoy things like dance and movement as a way to find inner peace... not sitting still!" I resisted it completely. Then, after the third person told me about this course, I listened (I always pay attention to things when they come in threes.) The point is, the more I learned about the course, the less resistance there was for me to go... until, finally, my resistance was "broken down" so much that it suddenly became clear to me that the course was in alignment with my life right now. I was not necessarily looking forward to it, but everything that was happening in my life at that time made it easy for me to just go.
And I am so thankful that I did. It was the most beneficial 10-day period of my life. The results have been amazing, and I found something that I've been looking for, for a LONG time.
On your journey, you may experience inner resistances such as I did. I encourage you to look for, and pay attention to, the times in your life when circumstances flow together effortlessly. By doing so, I believe you will be able to find the path of least resistance and surf the flow!
Think of your life as a river. What does it mean to be "in the flow?" How do you know when you are on the right track, making decisions that are in alignment with your purpose? It is the nature of a river to find the path of least resistance. The river doesn't sit around and becomes a couch potato, because then it would just be stagnant water.
When you are "in the flow," your actions follow an effortless path... a path where opportunity opens like those automatic doors at the supermarket. When we spend our time fighting the current, we invite struggle into our lives, creating lives of... struggle. Struggle can seem normal, when it's what you're used to, but we often struggle precisely when we go against ourselves. Most of us are not taught how to listen to our own inner wisdom and guidance. Instead, we are taught how to obey others, and follow rules.
How do we know when we are following inner guidance, and not just old programming? Inner wisdom speaks clearly. When I am making decisions, I go with what follows the "flow." I know a decision is right for me when it is easy. When it feels as though someone has just opened a door and said... "come on in!" These effortless openings let me know I am on the right track, at the right time. When I am met with resistance, I usually take it as a pretty good indicator that, perhaps, it's not the best choice for me. I feel like I have learned, and benefitted from, becoming more aware of when my inner resistance is keeping me from being in the flow of life.
I recently returned from a 10-day Vipassana Meditation Course. Every time I heard about it (friends had referred to it frequently) I resisted it. "I don't meditate. That's not really for me. I enjoy things like dance and movement as a way to find inner peace... not sitting still!" I resisted it completely. Then, after the third person told me about this course, I listened (I always pay attention to things when they come in threes.) The point is, the more I learned about the course, the less resistance there was for me to go... until, finally, my resistance was "broken down" so much that it suddenly became clear to me that the course was in alignment with my life right now. I was not necessarily looking forward to it, but everything that was happening in my life at that time made it easy for me to just go.
And I am so thankful that I did. It was the most beneficial 10-day period of my life. The results have been amazing, and I found something that I've been looking for, for a LONG time.
On your journey, you may experience inner resistances such as I did. I encourage you to look for, and pay attention to, the times in your life when circumstances flow together effortlessly. By doing so, I believe you will be able to find the path of least resistance and surf the flow!
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