How Gossip, Complaints & Swear Words are Good for Manifesting
Deliberate creators are often advised that in order to maintain a high vibration we should eliminate all gossip, complaints, swear words and anything else negative from our conversations.
Most of us would consider that good advice, and many of us have attempted to practice it for long stretches at a time.
But the thing is sometimes a little bitch session, trash talking or wisely chosen expletive is exactly what we need to improve our alignment.
Not convinced?
You’ve probably already experienced this. Have you ever laughed out loud when a friend swears inappropriately? Or when you have? Or felt relief when you suspended your “good behavior” to give someone a piece of your mind?
Or maybe you’ve hung up from a little girlfriend gossip session feeling better than you did before you conversed?
If not, you really must try it. It’s all the rage for leading edge manifestors. ;)
Gossip, complaints and swear words don’t always feel better - but sometimes, depending where we’re at on the vibrational scale, a little four letter word or an “inappropriate” comment is just the ticket to a better vibe.
Even Abraham says sometimes being negative is what you’ve got to do before you can feel better. It’s what they mean when they suggest going from “specific negative” to “general negative.” As in: “I am sick and tired of being underpaid for what I do” to “actually, my entire industry is under-appreciated. It’s not just me.”
After you make that transition, then you can get to “general positive” (“But we do do important work“) and on to “specific positive” (“I love the project I’m working on now.”)
Sometimes the ticket to movement in your feeling state is to let yourself do what savvy creators aren’t “supposed” to do - complain about the neighbor or swear at the traffic or gossip about the in-laws.
It’s not pretty, but sometimes it is just what the doctor ordered. So if you’re stuck in a bad vibe, try on a little gossip, complaining and/or swear word to see if you can find a bit of relief to kick start your upward spiral.
Jeannette Maw
Jeannette Maw is a Master Certified Coach and founder of Good Vibe University. Catch up with her latest LOA ideas at www.goodvibeblog.com.
Showing posts with label personal development. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal development. Show all posts
Friday, September 16, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
How Flexible Are YOU?
How Flexible Are You? - By Cari Murphy
Stretching Our Spiritual Flexibility Muscles
Life is absolutely filled with unexpected twists and turns that present us with challenges at each bend in the road. Our ability and our commitment to moving WITH the current while opening our hearts and minds to new ideas and options is the key to harmonious living. It is only when we resist the flow that we encounter stress, drama, and problems. When we shift our focus into the limitless realm of possibility, previously unseen doorways magically open before us and reveal the treasures that are linked together with growth and positive change.
As long as we are focused on narrow, limited views on life and living, we cannot and will not see solutions. Solutions are discovered when the mind is open, the heart is available, and the spirit is leading the way. When we approach all people and situations with eyes of love and positive expectation, we allow for the beauty of every challenge to present itself with ease. When we choose to remain flexible, we will engage a renewed sense of vitality, understanding, and compassion that allows us (previously denied) access to the necessary resources and wisdom within us to guide us through and beyond change.
The more flexible and balanced we are from a spiritual perspective, the less prone we will be to spiritual problems. Flexibility is the characteristic of being able to bend. Spiritual flexibility is the characteristic of being able to bend, to be open-minded, and teachable. Those who are not spiritually flexible are often described as being stiff necked and obstinate. The cure for this dis-ease is to listen. The person who listens is spiritually flexible. He/she is open-minded and teachable. He/she allows for growth. When we embrace the importance of being spiritually flexible and balanced, we recognize that the alternative is to be stubborn and unbalanced. An individual who is stubborn and unbalanced will not experience joy, inner peace, and spiritual victory and will find constant conflict in their relationships with others.
To integrate spiritual stretching into your daily routine, here is a quick checklist to empower you to redirect your focus and create new, more fulfilling experiences by adopting a more flexible attitude and outlook:
* Is my body tense or rigid? If so, breathe deeply and consciously relax whatever is rigid.
* Do I believe there is a steadfast rule-that something must be a certain way to work well? If so, challenge yourself to break that rule just to see that there are other possibilities.
* Am I open to making adjustments in the behaviors I am choosing so that I can learn and grow? If not, go inside and contemplate the cost of remaining resistant and inflexible.
* Am I overly invested in a certain mood or state of being to the degree that I am defined by those moods or states? If so, consciously choose to respond in a different way. Instead of being angry, choose an alternative emotional state such as compassion.
* Am I agenda driven? An example of this would be trying to persuade someone of our view points or beliefs with such rigidity that we create stress for those who are on the receiving end of our persuasive attempts.
* Do I allow myself the opportunity to expand beyond traditions to embrace new experiences and ideas outside of my psychological and cultural comfort zones? If not, challenge yourself to expand.
* Do I get easily fixated and become a creature of habit to the extent that I find it hard to shift out of certain behaviors or expectations? If so, choose new and different ways of doing things.
Often times, we develop an internal rigidity and do not realize that we have lost our flexibility until challenges in life occur. Every person and every situation is a teacher for us, offering the opportunity for growth, understanding, compassion, and healing, When we approach life in this manner, without resisting these circumstances and individuals, life takes on a broader, more expansive meaning. When we can view our challenges as beautiful covered jewels offering growth and healing, our experiences transform in phenomenal new ways.
Go out and stretch those spiritual muscles today and then notice how laughter, joy, and love flow into our experiences with ease. You deserve this.
** To comment on this article or to read comments about this article,
go here.
About the Author:
CARI MURPHY, YOUR SOUL SUCCESS COACH
Client Care Phone: 1-800-704-SOUL (Toll-Free)
Email: Cari@CariMurphy.com
Web: http://www.CariMurphy.com
Working with me as your coach is unique. I say this because I've been in this industry for over 17 years. I combine my educational and professional background in counseling psychology, my energy medicine and wellness/fitness background with my life and business coaching certification and skills, my broadcasting skills as the host of the "Create Change Now" Radio Show, and blend that with my history as a best-selling personal development author and my spiritual awareness and deep intuitive skills (heightened after my near death experience 15 years ago) to help you shift from limitation to expansion in every area of your life. I love watching my clients as they thrive and flourish in ways they never even imagined. My approach as a life and business coach is a HOLISTIC (BODY, MIND, SPIRIT) one. This provides the balance and awareness I feel is essential to creating lasting fulfillment and success that flows from the inside-out. Your expansion awaits!
Email me to set up a complimentary coaching strategy session so we can illuminate your soul's path and purpose and get you on the path to pure and authentic soul -driven success! Cari@CariMurphy.com
Stretching Our Spiritual Flexibility Muscles
Life is absolutely filled with unexpected twists and turns that present us with challenges at each bend in the road. Our ability and our commitment to moving WITH the current while opening our hearts and minds to new ideas and options is the key to harmonious living. It is only when we resist the flow that we encounter stress, drama, and problems. When we shift our focus into the limitless realm of possibility, previously unseen doorways magically open before us and reveal the treasures that are linked together with growth and positive change.
As long as we are focused on narrow, limited views on life and living, we cannot and will not see solutions. Solutions are discovered when the mind is open, the heart is available, and the spirit is leading the way. When we approach all people and situations with eyes of love and positive expectation, we allow for the beauty of every challenge to present itself with ease. When we choose to remain flexible, we will engage a renewed sense of vitality, understanding, and compassion that allows us (previously denied) access to the necessary resources and wisdom within us to guide us through and beyond change.
The more flexible and balanced we are from a spiritual perspective, the less prone we will be to spiritual problems. Flexibility is the characteristic of being able to bend. Spiritual flexibility is the characteristic of being able to bend, to be open-minded, and teachable. Those who are not spiritually flexible are often described as being stiff necked and obstinate. The cure for this dis-ease is to listen. The person who listens is spiritually flexible. He/she is open-minded and teachable. He/she allows for growth. When we embrace the importance of being spiritually flexible and balanced, we recognize that the alternative is to be stubborn and unbalanced. An individual who is stubborn and unbalanced will not experience joy, inner peace, and spiritual victory and will find constant conflict in their relationships with others.
To integrate spiritual stretching into your daily routine, here is a quick checklist to empower you to redirect your focus and create new, more fulfilling experiences by adopting a more flexible attitude and outlook:
* Is my body tense or rigid? If so, breathe deeply and consciously relax whatever is rigid.
* Do I believe there is a steadfast rule-that something must be a certain way to work well? If so, challenge yourself to break that rule just to see that there are other possibilities.
* Am I open to making adjustments in the behaviors I am choosing so that I can learn and grow? If not, go inside and contemplate the cost of remaining resistant and inflexible.
* Am I overly invested in a certain mood or state of being to the degree that I am defined by those moods or states? If so, consciously choose to respond in a different way. Instead of being angry, choose an alternative emotional state such as compassion.
* Am I agenda driven? An example of this would be trying to persuade someone of our view points or beliefs with such rigidity that we create stress for those who are on the receiving end of our persuasive attempts.
* Do I allow myself the opportunity to expand beyond traditions to embrace new experiences and ideas outside of my psychological and cultural comfort zones? If not, challenge yourself to expand.
* Do I get easily fixated and become a creature of habit to the extent that I find it hard to shift out of certain behaviors or expectations? If so, choose new and different ways of doing things.
Often times, we develop an internal rigidity and do not realize that we have lost our flexibility until challenges in life occur. Every person and every situation is a teacher for us, offering the opportunity for growth, understanding, compassion, and healing, When we approach life in this manner, without resisting these circumstances and individuals, life takes on a broader, more expansive meaning. When we can view our challenges as beautiful covered jewels offering growth and healing, our experiences transform in phenomenal new ways.
Go out and stretch those spiritual muscles today and then notice how laughter, joy, and love flow into our experiences with ease. You deserve this.
** To comment on this article or to read comments about this article,
go here.
About the Author:
CARI MURPHY, YOUR SOUL SUCCESS COACH
Client Care Phone: 1-800-704-SOUL (Toll-Free)
Email: Cari@CariMurphy.com
Web: http://www.CariMurphy.com
Working with me as your coach is unique. I say this because I've been in this industry for over 17 years. I combine my educational and professional background in counseling psychology, my energy medicine and wellness/fitness background with my life and business coaching certification and skills, my broadcasting skills as the host of the "Create Change Now" Radio Show, and blend that with my history as a best-selling personal development author and my spiritual awareness and deep intuitive skills (heightened after my near death experience 15 years ago) to help you shift from limitation to expansion in every area of your life. I love watching my clients as they thrive and flourish in ways they never even imagined. My approach as a life and business coach is a HOLISTIC (BODY, MIND, SPIRIT) one. This provides the balance and awareness I feel is essential to creating lasting fulfillment and success that flows from the inside-out. Your expansion awaits!
Email me to set up a complimentary coaching strategy session so we can illuminate your soul's path and purpose and get you on the path to pure and authentic soul -driven success! Cari@CariMurphy.com
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
The Philosophy Professor
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he picked up a very large and empty jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. The sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two glasses of wine from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things; your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions; things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full."
"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your important possessions. And the sand is everything else; the small stuff."
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "There is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life." "If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Take care of the golf balls first; the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the wine represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem; there's always room for a couple of glasses of wine with a friend."
http://www.humanext.com/ideas.html
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. The sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two glasses of wine from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things; your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions; things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full."
"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your important possessions. And the sand is everything else; the small stuff."
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "There is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life." "If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Take care of the golf balls first; the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the wine represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem; there's always room for a couple of glasses of wine with a friend."
http://www.humanext.com/ideas.html
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The Awakening, by Sonny Carroll © 1999
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier - not that the nature of the task has changed, but our ability has increased."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
An Inspirational Reminder…..
The Awakening, by Sonny Carroll © 1999
A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice in your head cries out - ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying, or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter). And that any guarantee must begin with YOU, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are and it's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to over look their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment are born of forgiveness.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you shouldn't weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive and that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you rnext fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideas of a by gone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don’t know everything; it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love, romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name.
You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes.
You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms, just to make you happy.
And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely. And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you “stack up.”
You also stop working so hard at putting feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want things and to ask for things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect and you will not settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn that your body really is your temple. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul, so you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and it’s OK to risk asking for help.
You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes, bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening.
And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state: the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things you take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: A full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin, as best as you can, to design the life you want to live.
[This is an abridged version of the poem.]
Peace and Joy,
Lynne Namka, Ed. D.
"Choice is focused intent. It triggers belief, attitude, feeling and decision-making. Choice is the keystone to creation and manifestation. Choice changes neural pathways. It can engage the unconscious to override the subconscious. Choice opens gateways to the future, to the possible and to your many possibilities."
Lazaris
Questions regarding the content of this newsletter, comments or written contributions can be directed to inspirationcontact@yahoo.com. Please remember that I cannot provide you with any advice of a personal nature. But help is out there somewhere! Do reach out and get a qualified professional to help you sort through your issues. Please check out my web site www.AngriesOut.com for ideas and numerous downloadable articles on a wide range of subjects. You can also click on the ‘Finding a Therapist’ link to take you to the section entitled, “Finding a Competent Therapist with Great Training.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
An Inspirational Reminder…..
The Awakening, by Sonny Carroll © 1999
A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice in your head cries out - ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying, or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter). And that any guarantee must begin with YOU, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are and it's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to over look their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment are born of forgiveness.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you shouldn't weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive and that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you rnext fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideas of a by gone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don’t know everything; it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love, romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name.
You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes.
You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms, just to make you happy.
And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely. And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you “stack up.”
You also stop working so hard at putting feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want things and to ask for things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect and you will not settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn that your body really is your temple. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul, so you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and it’s OK to risk asking for help.
You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes, bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening.
And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state: the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things you take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: A full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin, as best as you can, to design the life you want to live.
[This is an abridged version of the poem.]
Peace and Joy,
Lynne Namka, Ed. D.
"Choice is focused intent. It triggers belief, attitude, feeling and decision-making. Choice is the keystone to creation and manifestation. Choice changes neural pathways. It can engage the unconscious to override the subconscious. Choice opens gateways to the future, to the possible and to your many possibilities."
Lazaris
Questions regarding the content of this newsletter, comments or written contributions can be directed to inspirationcontact@yahoo.com. Please remember that I cannot provide you with any advice of a personal nature. But help is out there somewhere! Do reach out and get a qualified professional to help you sort through your issues. Please check out my web site www.AngriesOut.com for ideas and numerous downloadable articles on a wide range of subjects. You can also click on the ‘Finding a Therapist’ link to take you to the section entitled, “Finding a Competent Therapist with Great Training.”
Monday, August 23, 2010
Distinctive Ring Tones
Distinctive Ring Tones
So we see, to play successfully the game of life, we must train the imaging faculty. A person with an imaging faculty trained to image only good, brings into his life "every righteous desire of his heart" - health, wealth, love, friends, perfect self-expression, his highest ideals.
— Florence Scovel Shinn
In the film Tin Cup, Kevin Costner’s character proclaims, “When the defining moment comes along, you define the moment or the moment defines you.” We have been led to believe that life determines who we are, when at every moment we determine what our life is.
One strong metaphor for attuning to your unique guidance is the cell phone. Most people have a unique cell phone ring tone. We choose melodies and songs that we enjoy and that represent our unique taste and style. When cell phones first became popular, there were no distinctive tones, so when I stood in line at an airport, for example, a cell phone would ring and five people would each reach for their phone, in case someone was calling them. Now the rings are so distinctive that you reach for your call and not someone else’s.
Your soul’s calling also has a distinct tone. When your inner voice speaks to you it bestows a feeling of peace, ease, flow, aliveness, and a sense of coming home. By contrast, the voice of the ego, or fear, is burdensome, demanding, and disquieting. When considering whether to hearken to a voice within you, test its frequency. Is it broadcasting from fear, or love? Practice picking up the phone for love calls and refuse to answer the fear calls. As a Chasidic sage nobly stated, “Everyone should carefully observe which way his heart draws him, and then choose that way with all his strength.”
Do you recognize the frequency of your own true inner voice?
Considering a decision before you, what does the voice of love say to you?
I listen to the my own true voice and I act on it with confidence.
I am always guided to my greater good.
Wisdom for Today © 2010 by Alan Cohen www.alancohen.com
So we see, to play successfully the game of life, we must train the imaging faculty. A person with an imaging faculty trained to image only good, brings into his life "every righteous desire of his heart" - health, wealth, love, friends, perfect self-expression, his highest ideals.
— Florence Scovel Shinn
In the film Tin Cup, Kevin Costner’s character proclaims, “When the defining moment comes along, you define the moment or the moment defines you.” We have been led to believe that life determines who we are, when at every moment we determine what our life is.
One strong metaphor for attuning to your unique guidance is the cell phone. Most people have a unique cell phone ring tone. We choose melodies and songs that we enjoy and that represent our unique taste and style. When cell phones first became popular, there were no distinctive tones, so when I stood in line at an airport, for example, a cell phone would ring and five people would each reach for their phone, in case someone was calling them. Now the rings are so distinctive that you reach for your call and not someone else’s.
Your soul’s calling also has a distinct tone. When your inner voice speaks to you it bestows a feeling of peace, ease, flow, aliveness, and a sense of coming home. By contrast, the voice of the ego, or fear, is burdensome, demanding, and disquieting. When considering whether to hearken to a voice within you, test its frequency. Is it broadcasting from fear, or love? Practice picking up the phone for love calls and refuse to answer the fear calls. As a Chasidic sage nobly stated, “Everyone should carefully observe which way his heart draws him, and then choose that way with all his strength.”
Do you recognize the frequency of your own true inner voice?
Considering a decision before you, what does the voice of love say to you?
I listen to the my own true voice and I act on it with confidence.
I am always guided to my greater good.
Wisdom for Today © 2010 by Alan Cohen www.alancohen.com
Monday, May 31, 2010
The Big Twelve of Life that Fate Brings You
Quotes for the Week:
"Live not as though there were a thousand years ahead of you. Fate is at your elbow; make yourself good while life and power are still yours."
Marcus Aurelius
“Destiny is, I think, nothing but a series of psychic knots that we tie with our fear...at some moment you must stop life and look into it. And as you go on dipping and rising in your inner Ganges, you undo the knots.”
Raja Rao The Serpent and the Rope
<:::>><<:::>><<:::>><<:::>><<:::>><<:::>><<::<:::>><<:::>><<:::>>
The Big Twelve of Life that Fate Brings You
Lynne Namka, Ed. D. © 2010
A quote stopped me in my tracks this week causing me to pause and reflect. Gregory David Roberts, author of the novel Shantaram, said,
“Fate gives all of us three teachers, three friends, three enemies, and three great loves in our lives. But these twelve are always disguised and we can never know which one is which until we’ve loved them, left them or fought them.”
Shantaram is the author’s first book, an autobiographical novel about an Australian who escapes from prison and goes to Bombay, India where he becomes involved in the Indian Mafia of organized crime. Roberts is a philosopher and poet who writes from his heart while describing one of the most descriptively brutal and most loving books I’ve read. As a fugitive, the hero founds a free medical clinic in the cardboard shack slums of Bombay where he lives and falls in love with a mysterious woman. He’s always ready for a fight to the death and becomes involved in severe beatings, drugs, money laundering and passport smuggling of the black market. The beautiful generosity and loving connections of the Indian people living in poverty who open their hearts to friends and family are described along with the intense sights, smells and beauty of Mother India and its mix of many nationalities of people. It is a brutal, bloody book not for the faint of heart nor for the depressed, which tells of betrayal, damages of war and then the poetry of redemption, of love and forgiveness.
So back to the Robert’s quote, which is a doozy. Ponder on it and the twelve things that destiny, fate or your choices have brought to you in your life. Who are your three great teachers? Who are your three best friends? And your three enemies and three great loves? Stop and write these down before you read the rest of this.
Three great teachers:
Three good friends:
Three enemies:
Three great loves:
I would add the three greatest experiences that changed the way you think about and how you conduct your life.
And add a mistake or two that changed the course of your direction and what you learned.
Don’t be concerned if you can’t come up with the required number of three or if you have more than three for each category. The number isn’t important. Thinking about those who have had the biggest input to your psychological and spiritual development is the task here.
As I’ve had a quite complicated life, I had to divide my loves into three Heartbreaker loves and three Holy loves. The Heartbreakers were those people with whom I expended much mental and physical energy who gave me much pain along with the necessary life lessons I needed to learn to clear crucial karma. The three Holy loves are those people who are constant and true who gave me validation of me as a person and also joy.
When I asked the inner question of my Higher Self regarding my enemies, I was surprised by the answers of Self-Doubt, Neediness and Fear. Like the old comic strip character Pogo said, “We have met the enemy and he is us.” My enemies have been internal not external and in the end, only shortcomings to be addressed.
And while you are at it, stop and reflect on those people with whom you have had positive input into their life. Who have you impacted so that their life was changed for the better? Have you give back as much as has been given to you? Can’t think of anyone? There is still time for you to reach out and make someone else’s world a better place. Play it forward.
Now back to you. Your fate is there waiting in the wings brought on mostly by your thoughts, unresolved psychological issues and the choices you make. Why unresolved issues? The great Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Jung said, “The psychological rule says that when an inner situation is not made consciousness, it happens outside, as fate. That is to say, when the individual remains undivided and does not become conscious of his inner contradictions, the world must perforce act out the conflict and be torn in opposite haves.” What you don’t work out hits you smack dab in the face when you least expect it.
Ah yes, the opportunity to grow waits there and what is not worked out comes around again and again until you get it. Really get it. The evolutionary impulse towards growth is there pointing you towards integration. We call it the soul’s journey home.
Here’s another Roberts quote from the book:
“The cloak of the past is cut from patches of feeling, and rebus threads. Most of the time, the best we can do is wrap it around ourselves for comfort or drag it behind us as we struggle to go on. But everything has its cause and its meaning. Every life, every love, every action and feeling and thought has its reason and significance: its beginning, and the part it plays in the end. Sometimes, we do see. We see the past so clearly, and read the legend of its parts with such acuity, that every stitch of time reveals its purpose, and a kind of message is enfolded in it. Nothing in any life, no matter how well or poorly lived is wiser than failure or clearer than sorrow. And in the tiny, precious wisdom that they give to us, even those dread and hatred enemies, suffering and failure, have their reason and their right to be.”
Look to your failures and forgive yourself. Challenge your fears and dismiss the irrational ones. Most of them are illusions anyway. Learn from your mistakes. Thank those people, living or dead, who shaped and developed your psyche and hopeful outlook on the world. As you feel gratitude for those good influences given generously to you, reach out and engage in life and those current people around you. Celebrate those who truly love you and love them deeply in return. Go forward in your adventure toward your highest destiny.
Roberts ends his story with these words:
“…every human will has the power to transform its fate. I’d always thought that fate was unchangeable: fixed for every one of us at birth, and as constant as the circuit of the stars. But I suddenly realized that life is stranger and more beautiful than that. The truth is that, no matter what kind of game you find yourself in, no matter how good or bad the luck, you can change your life completely with a single thought or a single act of love….With love: the passionate search for a truth other than our own. With longing: the pure ineffable yearning to be saved. For so long as fate keeps waiting, we live on. God help us. God forgive us. We live on.”
Peace and joy,
Lynne
"Live not as though there were a thousand years ahead of you. Fate is at your elbow; make yourself good while life and power are still yours."
Marcus Aurelius
“Destiny is, I think, nothing but a series of psychic knots that we tie with our fear...at some moment you must stop life and look into it. And as you go on dipping and rising in your inner Ganges, you undo the knots.”
Raja Rao The Serpent and the Rope
<:::>><<:::>><<:::>><<:::>><<:::>><<:::>><<::<:::>><<:::>><<:::>>
The Big Twelve of Life that Fate Brings You
Lynne Namka, Ed. D. © 2010
A quote stopped me in my tracks this week causing me to pause and reflect. Gregory David Roberts, author of the novel Shantaram, said,
“Fate gives all of us three teachers, three friends, three enemies, and three great loves in our lives. But these twelve are always disguised and we can never know which one is which until we’ve loved them, left them or fought them.”
Shantaram is the author’s first book, an autobiographical novel about an Australian who escapes from prison and goes to Bombay, India where he becomes involved in the Indian Mafia of organized crime. Roberts is a philosopher and poet who writes from his heart while describing one of the most descriptively brutal and most loving books I’ve read. As a fugitive, the hero founds a free medical clinic in the cardboard shack slums of Bombay where he lives and falls in love with a mysterious woman. He’s always ready for a fight to the death and becomes involved in severe beatings, drugs, money laundering and passport smuggling of the black market. The beautiful generosity and loving connections of the Indian people living in poverty who open their hearts to friends and family are described along with the intense sights, smells and beauty of Mother India and its mix of many nationalities of people. It is a brutal, bloody book not for the faint of heart nor for the depressed, which tells of betrayal, damages of war and then the poetry of redemption, of love and forgiveness.
So back to the Robert’s quote, which is a doozy. Ponder on it and the twelve things that destiny, fate or your choices have brought to you in your life. Who are your three great teachers? Who are your three best friends? And your three enemies and three great loves? Stop and write these down before you read the rest of this.
Three great teachers:
Three good friends:
Three enemies:
Three great loves:
I would add the three greatest experiences that changed the way you think about and how you conduct your life.
And add a mistake or two that changed the course of your direction and what you learned.
Don’t be concerned if you can’t come up with the required number of three or if you have more than three for each category. The number isn’t important. Thinking about those who have had the biggest input to your psychological and spiritual development is the task here.
As I’ve had a quite complicated life, I had to divide my loves into three Heartbreaker loves and three Holy loves. The Heartbreakers were those people with whom I expended much mental and physical energy who gave me much pain along with the necessary life lessons I needed to learn to clear crucial karma. The three Holy loves are those people who are constant and true who gave me validation of me as a person and also joy.
When I asked the inner question of my Higher Self regarding my enemies, I was surprised by the answers of Self-Doubt, Neediness and Fear. Like the old comic strip character Pogo said, “We have met the enemy and he is us.” My enemies have been internal not external and in the end, only shortcomings to be addressed.
And while you are at it, stop and reflect on those people with whom you have had positive input into their life. Who have you impacted so that their life was changed for the better? Have you give back as much as has been given to you? Can’t think of anyone? There is still time for you to reach out and make someone else’s world a better place. Play it forward.
Now back to you. Your fate is there waiting in the wings brought on mostly by your thoughts, unresolved psychological issues and the choices you make. Why unresolved issues? The great Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Jung said, “The psychological rule says that when an inner situation is not made consciousness, it happens outside, as fate. That is to say, when the individual remains undivided and does not become conscious of his inner contradictions, the world must perforce act out the conflict and be torn in opposite haves.” What you don’t work out hits you smack dab in the face when you least expect it.
Ah yes, the opportunity to grow waits there and what is not worked out comes around again and again until you get it. Really get it. The evolutionary impulse towards growth is there pointing you towards integration. We call it the soul’s journey home.
Here’s another Roberts quote from the book:
“The cloak of the past is cut from patches of feeling, and rebus threads. Most of the time, the best we can do is wrap it around ourselves for comfort or drag it behind us as we struggle to go on. But everything has its cause and its meaning. Every life, every love, every action and feeling and thought has its reason and significance: its beginning, and the part it plays in the end. Sometimes, we do see. We see the past so clearly, and read the legend of its parts with such acuity, that every stitch of time reveals its purpose, and a kind of message is enfolded in it. Nothing in any life, no matter how well or poorly lived is wiser than failure or clearer than sorrow. And in the tiny, precious wisdom that they give to us, even those dread and hatred enemies, suffering and failure, have their reason and their right to be.”
Look to your failures and forgive yourself. Challenge your fears and dismiss the irrational ones. Most of them are illusions anyway. Learn from your mistakes. Thank those people, living or dead, who shaped and developed your psyche and hopeful outlook on the world. As you feel gratitude for those good influences given generously to you, reach out and engage in life and those current people around you. Celebrate those who truly love you and love them deeply in return. Go forward in your adventure toward your highest destiny.
Roberts ends his story with these words:
“…every human will has the power to transform its fate. I’d always thought that fate was unchangeable: fixed for every one of us at birth, and as constant as the circuit of the stars. But I suddenly realized that life is stranger and more beautiful than that. The truth is that, no matter what kind of game you find yourself in, no matter how good or bad the luck, you can change your life completely with a single thought or a single act of love….With love: the passionate search for a truth other than our own. With longing: the pure ineffable yearning to be saved. For so long as fate keeps waiting, we live on. God help us. God forgive us. We live on.”
Peace and joy,
Lynne
Friday, January 22, 2010
Brush with Greatness by Alan Cohen
Brush with Greatness
by Alan Cohen
www.alancohen.com
One evening when I picked up my voicemail. I heard a message from my friend Kinnie, who works as a massage therapist at a luxury hotel: “Call me ― I have to tell you about my brush with greatness.”
I phoned Kinnie immediately and asked what had happened. “I massaged Dustin Hoffman today,” she reported proudly.
Well, that was cool. Yet something bothered me about her phraseology, “My brush with greatness.”
“Dustin Hoffman is a great actor,” I told her. “But when you say, ‘my brush with greatness,’ it sounds as if he is great and you are not, and you were lucky to touch greatness for a moment. In my opinion you are just as great as him. You are an outstanding massage therapist and an awesome person. It saddened me to hear you portray yourself as less than him. Who knows, maybe after his massage he phoned a friend and reported, “Let me tell you about my brush with greatness . . .”
Kinnie thanked me for my affirmation of her worth. Yet the lesson goes far beyond that one encounter. We have all have been taught that greatness lives outside of us and we need to rub up against it or import it so we can become great. That’s exactly the opposite of how true greatness operates. Magnificence resides within all of us, and we need but tap into it and bring it forth. We don’t need to brush with greatness; we need to simply brush from greatness.”
We give our power away when we bestow exalted attributes upon people we worship, at the expense of recognizing our own. Former child star Shirley Temple Black recounts, “I gave up believing in Santa Claus when I was six. When my mom took me to see him, he asked for my autograph.” You can imagine the child running to be validated by the god of all children, only to find the god dashing to be validated by the star he adored. While we seek approval from the outside world, if we do not respect ourselves, the gifts bestowed by others fall on barren soil. Rather than importing affirmation from those we adore, we need to claim the good we seek right where we stand. Then we can appreciate and celebrate others’ magnificence side by side with our own.
You cannot acquire greatness by association; you can recognize it only by identity. People who habitually name-drop or flaunt photos of themselves with famous people do not appreciate their inherent worth. It’s not who you know that counts; it’s who you are. When you stand firmly and unapologetically in your own dignity, you attract powerful and worthy comrades. They are drawn to you magnetically, and your conversations are not about what you can get from them, but what you can co-create.
People who brush from greatness, not toward it, are simultaneously humble and powerful. They recognize that the talent that flows through them is seeded from a Source far grander than their ego. When a reporter asked twelve-year-old tennis sensation Jennifer Capriotti, “Do you intend to be the next Chris Evert?” she answered, “No, I intend to be the first Jennifer Capriotti.” Ten-year-old art prodigy Alexandra Nashita, called “the next Picasso,” affirmed, “The difference between me and others is that I am willing to do what I am good at.” Mozart put it this way: “It is when I am, as it were, completely myself, entirely alone, and of good cheer . . . that ideas flow best and most abundantly. Whence and how they come, I know not, nor can I force them.”
Many years ago while Ram Dass was under the influence of mind-altering substances at the Newport Jazz Festival, he found his way backstage. There he noticed a hole in the tent and decided to peer out of it. To his surprise, he saw another eye looking back at his. The other eye had obviously ingested similar substances, and the two eyes just stared at each other for a long, long time. Finally a voice accompanying the other eye spoke from outside the tent: “Wanna get in?” The irony, of course, was that Ram Dass already thought he was in. Yet the other guy perceived himself as in. So “inside” and “outside” are relative indeed!
In high school I envied student body president Dick Brown, who was good-looking and popular, offered everyone a smile and kind word, and had a cheerleader girlfriend. I liked Dick but envied him for being in the in-crowd ― actually its leader. By contrast, I judged myself as a less-than, dithering on the outskirts of coolness.
Years later I bumped into Dick and we hashed over high school days. I confessed that I envied him for being in the in-crowd. He laughed and told me, “That’s weird ― I always thought you were the in-crowd and I was out. I envied you.”
How powerfully we upgrade all of our relationships as we let go of seeking external validation, and recognize that the only in-crowd worth penetrating is the one that lives inside us. There and only there will we find the artist’s hand that brushes with greatness.
by Alan Cohen
www.alancohen.com
One evening when I picked up my voicemail. I heard a message from my friend Kinnie, who works as a massage therapist at a luxury hotel: “Call me ― I have to tell you about my brush with greatness.”
I phoned Kinnie immediately and asked what had happened. “I massaged Dustin Hoffman today,” she reported proudly.
Well, that was cool. Yet something bothered me about her phraseology, “My brush with greatness.”
“Dustin Hoffman is a great actor,” I told her. “But when you say, ‘my brush with greatness,’ it sounds as if he is great and you are not, and you were lucky to touch greatness for a moment. In my opinion you are just as great as him. You are an outstanding massage therapist and an awesome person. It saddened me to hear you portray yourself as less than him. Who knows, maybe after his massage he phoned a friend and reported, “Let me tell you about my brush with greatness . . .”
Kinnie thanked me for my affirmation of her worth. Yet the lesson goes far beyond that one encounter. We have all have been taught that greatness lives outside of us and we need to rub up against it or import it so we can become great. That’s exactly the opposite of how true greatness operates. Magnificence resides within all of us, and we need but tap into it and bring it forth. We don’t need to brush with greatness; we need to simply brush from greatness.”
We give our power away when we bestow exalted attributes upon people we worship, at the expense of recognizing our own. Former child star Shirley Temple Black recounts, “I gave up believing in Santa Claus when I was six. When my mom took me to see him, he asked for my autograph.” You can imagine the child running to be validated by the god of all children, only to find the god dashing to be validated by the star he adored. While we seek approval from the outside world, if we do not respect ourselves, the gifts bestowed by others fall on barren soil. Rather than importing affirmation from those we adore, we need to claim the good we seek right where we stand. Then we can appreciate and celebrate others’ magnificence side by side with our own.
You cannot acquire greatness by association; you can recognize it only by identity. People who habitually name-drop or flaunt photos of themselves with famous people do not appreciate their inherent worth. It’s not who you know that counts; it’s who you are. When you stand firmly and unapologetically in your own dignity, you attract powerful and worthy comrades. They are drawn to you magnetically, and your conversations are not about what you can get from them, but what you can co-create.
People who brush from greatness, not toward it, are simultaneously humble and powerful. They recognize that the talent that flows through them is seeded from a Source far grander than their ego. When a reporter asked twelve-year-old tennis sensation Jennifer Capriotti, “Do you intend to be the next Chris Evert?” she answered, “No, I intend to be the first Jennifer Capriotti.” Ten-year-old art prodigy Alexandra Nashita, called “the next Picasso,” affirmed, “The difference between me and others is that I am willing to do what I am good at.” Mozart put it this way: “It is when I am, as it were, completely myself, entirely alone, and of good cheer . . . that ideas flow best and most abundantly. Whence and how they come, I know not, nor can I force them.”
Many years ago while Ram Dass was under the influence of mind-altering substances at the Newport Jazz Festival, he found his way backstage. There he noticed a hole in the tent and decided to peer out of it. To his surprise, he saw another eye looking back at his. The other eye had obviously ingested similar substances, and the two eyes just stared at each other for a long, long time. Finally a voice accompanying the other eye spoke from outside the tent: “Wanna get in?” The irony, of course, was that Ram Dass already thought he was in. Yet the other guy perceived himself as in. So “inside” and “outside” are relative indeed!
In high school I envied student body president Dick Brown, who was good-looking and popular, offered everyone a smile and kind word, and had a cheerleader girlfriend. I liked Dick but envied him for being in the in-crowd ― actually its leader. By contrast, I judged myself as a less-than, dithering on the outskirts of coolness.
Years later I bumped into Dick and we hashed over high school days. I confessed that I envied him for being in the in-crowd. He laughed and told me, “That’s weird ― I always thought you were the in-crowd and I was out. I envied you.”
How powerfully we upgrade all of our relationships as we let go of seeking external validation, and recognize that the only in-crowd worth penetrating is the one that lives inside us. There and only there will we find the artist’s hand that brushes with greatness.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
How Easy Can It Get? by Alan Cohen
How Easy Can It Get?
by Alan Cohen
www.alancohen.com
For a long time I have respected the work of Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, a psychologist Joe Vitale applauds in his book, Zero Limits. Dr. Hew Len was assigned to duty in a ward for the criminally insane. The ward, Dr. Hew Len reports, was a highly undesirable place to work or visit because the patients were often violent. The staff had high absenteeism and turnover.
Dr. Hew Len, however, had been trained in a Hawaiian healing method called ho’oponopo, which translates as “healing by restoring balance.” Ho’oponopo teaches that the world we see is a projection of our own consciousness, and if we intend to make changes in the outer world, we must first restore balance and clarity in our own mind and heart. So Dr. Hew Len regularly took each patient in mind, and spoke to their spirit: “I’m sorry for creating you by seeing you as ill. I love you.”
The results were amazing! After a few months, shackled patients were being freed, medications were lightened significantly, and patients who had been afforded no hope of being released, were going home. Eventually the ward was closed due to attrition!
The message of this experience runs deep and has life-changing potential for all of us: We can heal the world by changing our mind about the world. Since I became aware of Dr. Hew Len’s work, I wanted to learn more about it and possibly meet him. Yet he was living in California and I was in Hawaii, and both of us were busy with travels, so I did not have the opportunity.
Recently when I was in Japan presenting some seminars, my sponsor told me, “There is going to be a lecture in your hotel ballroom this evening. Would you like to attend?” When I asked her who was presenting the lecture, she told me, “Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len.” I was amazed! Here was a man I wanted to meet showing up in the hotel I was staying at in Tokyo on the one night I had free in my schedule! All I had to do to see him was ride down an elevator!
I attended the lecture, enjoyed it very much, learned from it, and had the pleasure to meet. Dr. Hew Len. As I walked out of the meeting room I commented to my sponsor, “How easy can it get?”
As we move more deeply into a season when new school and work ventures begin, we might do well to remember Dr. Hew Len’s healing experience. If you face a difficult situation or a challenging person, your first impulse might be to try to manipulate that person to change their behavior to accede to your hopes and desires. Or get them to try to go away. Or you might be tempted to just leave. Such a moment, however, would be an excellent opportunity to heal the situation by changing your mind about it.
The ho’oponopono method is quite simple, and you can gain its benefits from even a simple understanding of it: The world you see is nothing more or less than the projection of your thoughts about it. No one outside you is doing anything to you, for you, or against you other than what you are doing to yourself. Shift your vision of that person or situation, and the person or situation will shift in accordance with your vision of them or it. Take the person or situation into mind and heart, and say, for example: “I accept responsibility for creating my experience of you by way of how I have thought about you. I now wish to change my experience by changing the version of you I am holding in my mind. I now choose to see you as loving, wise, healthy, and kind. I recognize your higher, better, and whole self. I see this situation as working out to everyone’s well being and benefit.”
The words you use are less important than the intention you hold. When you accept one hundred percent responsibility for setting the situation up as it has been, you gain one hundred percent of the power to create an outcome that works for you and everyone involved. It’s as simple as that. As Dr. Hew Len said in his lecture, “I wish I could make it more complicated. But that’s just how simple it is.”
A Course in Miracles teaches the same principle in this way: I am responsible for what I see. I choose the feelings I experience, and I decide upon the goal I would achieve. And everything that seems to happen to me I ask for, and receive as I have asked. Now that’s quite a premise to accept. But that’s the level of responsibility you and I must accept if we wish to attain mastery in our life and make the world a better place.
It’s time for all of us to question our assumptions about how hard it is supposed to be. We have been taught that the way to success is through struggle and sacrifice. But that just reinforces the belief that we win by moving external pieces about with toil and difficulty. How much simpler would it be to change your mind? When you do, the person you most want to meet might be as close as an elevator ride away.
by Alan Cohen
www.alancohen.com
For a long time I have respected the work of Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, a psychologist Joe Vitale applauds in his book, Zero Limits. Dr. Hew Len was assigned to duty in a ward for the criminally insane. The ward, Dr. Hew Len reports, was a highly undesirable place to work or visit because the patients were often violent. The staff had high absenteeism and turnover.
Dr. Hew Len, however, had been trained in a Hawaiian healing method called ho’oponopo, which translates as “healing by restoring balance.” Ho’oponopo teaches that the world we see is a projection of our own consciousness, and if we intend to make changes in the outer world, we must first restore balance and clarity in our own mind and heart. So Dr. Hew Len regularly took each patient in mind, and spoke to their spirit: “I’m sorry for creating you by seeing you as ill. I love you.”
The results were amazing! After a few months, shackled patients were being freed, medications were lightened significantly, and patients who had been afforded no hope of being released, were going home. Eventually the ward was closed due to attrition!
The message of this experience runs deep and has life-changing potential for all of us: We can heal the world by changing our mind about the world. Since I became aware of Dr. Hew Len’s work, I wanted to learn more about it and possibly meet him. Yet he was living in California and I was in Hawaii, and both of us were busy with travels, so I did not have the opportunity.
Recently when I was in Japan presenting some seminars, my sponsor told me, “There is going to be a lecture in your hotel ballroom this evening. Would you like to attend?” When I asked her who was presenting the lecture, she told me, “Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len.” I was amazed! Here was a man I wanted to meet showing up in the hotel I was staying at in Tokyo on the one night I had free in my schedule! All I had to do to see him was ride down an elevator!
I attended the lecture, enjoyed it very much, learned from it, and had the pleasure to meet. Dr. Hew Len. As I walked out of the meeting room I commented to my sponsor, “How easy can it get?”
As we move more deeply into a season when new school and work ventures begin, we might do well to remember Dr. Hew Len’s healing experience. If you face a difficult situation or a challenging person, your first impulse might be to try to manipulate that person to change their behavior to accede to your hopes and desires. Or get them to try to go away. Or you might be tempted to just leave. Such a moment, however, would be an excellent opportunity to heal the situation by changing your mind about it.
The ho’oponopono method is quite simple, and you can gain its benefits from even a simple understanding of it: The world you see is nothing more or less than the projection of your thoughts about it. No one outside you is doing anything to you, for you, or against you other than what you are doing to yourself. Shift your vision of that person or situation, and the person or situation will shift in accordance with your vision of them or it. Take the person or situation into mind and heart, and say, for example: “I accept responsibility for creating my experience of you by way of how I have thought about you. I now wish to change my experience by changing the version of you I am holding in my mind. I now choose to see you as loving, wise, healthy, and kind. I recognize your higher, better, and whole self. I see this situation as working out to everyone’s well being and benefit.”
The words you use are less important than the intention you hold. When you accept one hundred percent responsibility for setting the situation up as it has been, you gain one hundred percent of the power to create an outcome that works for you and everyone involved. It’s as simple as that. As Dr. Hew Len said in his lecture, “I wish I could make it more complicated. But that’s just how simple it is.”
A Course in Miracles teaches the same principle in this way: I am responsible for what I see. I choose the feelings I experience, and I decide upon the goal I would achieve. And everything that seems to happen to me I ask for, and receive as I have asked. Now that’s quite a premise to accept. But that’s the level of responsibility you and I must accept if we wish to attain mastery in our life and make the world a better place.
It’s time for all of us to question our assumptions about how hard it is supposed to be. We have been taught that the way to success is through struggle and sacrifice. But that just reinforces the belief that we win by moving external pieces about with toil and difficulty. How much simpler would it be to change your mind? When you do, the person you most want to meet might be as close as an elevator ride away.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Energy Vampires Be Gone by Pam Thomas
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt
...we are going to be slaying (not literally) energy vampires. Before we delve into ways to help protect you from getting it in the neck, let’s briefly explore some of the behaviors and characteristics of an energy vampire. Energy vampires are those folks that:
*
Always take more than they give
*
See the glass as half empty a good majority of the time
*
Like to share their woes and gain support, but are very rarely around or have time to listen to others
*
Often think, “What about me? What do I get?”
*
Talk a lot about themselves and rarely express interest in hearing/learning about others
*
Want others to pick up the pieces and clean up the messes they make
*
Rarely take responsibility for their own actions and behaviors
*
Have a victim mentality
*
Are very critical of all that you do
As you continue to travel through life you will come across people who are so centered deeply in self that they are always looking for support from others, always talking about who they are, what they’re doing, and who they are involved with, without much thought to the person they deem as a friend, lover, or colleague. Energy vampires will suck the life force out of you if you let them.
Do you know of anyone in your life that demonstrates any of the characteristics and behaviors described above? If so, let’s start protecting your energy stat!
TIPS AND EXERCISES FOR PROTECTING YOUR ENERGY FROM ENERGY VAMPIRES
1) Dealing with energy vampires requires first (and probably most important) an understanding that everyone is where they need to be at that given moment. You may not like what the person is doing or even who they are, but being able to accept them and accept where they are will help you to protect your own energy.
2) Draw boundaries and uphold them. There are three main components to drawing boundaries and all three should be present in order for a boundary to protect you from an energy vampire.
a. Establish the boundary and the consequences if the boundary is crossed. For example, one boundary might be not allowing another to be critical of you and what you do. The consequence is to stop the current conversation.
b. Educate the person you are setting the boundary with as to the boundary and the consequences. For example, “It truly makes me feel bad when you criticize me so I am asking you to please stop. If the criticism continues I am going to stop the conversation and speak with you at a later time.”
c. Be consistent in upholding the boundary set. No one will take a boundary seriously if the boundary is not upheld.
3) Speak your truth. Sometimes all it takes is telling someone how you feel in a constructive and loving way. You may find the person is not even aware of their energy-zapping behavior and once made aware will endeavor to change it.
4) Cut the ties that bind. Don't be afraid that if you cut loose an energy vampire that you will be deemed as selfish and uncaring. By removing or limiting contact with an energy vampire you are creating the space to attract people in your life who are willing to equally give and receive. Oh, and here is the fabulous part, by cutting the ties you are sending a strong message to the Universe and those around; that message is that you matter and that you want people in your life who support you just as much as you support them.
5) Inventory YOU. Is there an area of your life where you are being an energy vampire yourself? Just by recognizing where we may be sucking energy helps us to become more aware of when someone is doing the same.
I am here to tell you that it is OK (more than OK) to preserve energy for you...to receive. Healthy relationships whether they are romantic, friendship based, or business all need and deserve to have a healthy balance. My wish for you is to treat your energy as a precious commodity.
YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Peace, Love, and lots of Energy,
Pam
Pam Thomas, Author and Publisher
...we are going to be slaying (not literally) energy vampires. Before we delve into ways to help protect you from getting it in the neck, let’s briefly explore some of the behaviors and characteristics of an energy vampire. Energy vampires are those folks that:
*
Always take more than they give
*
See the glass as half empty a good majority of the time
*
Like to share their woes and gain support, but are very rarely around or have time to listen to others
*
Often think, “What about me? What do I get?”
*
Talk a lot about themselves and rarely express interest in hearing/learning about others
*
Want others to pick up the pieces and clean up the messes they make
*
Rarely take responsibility for their own actions and behaviors
*
Have a victim mentality
*
Are very critical of all that you do
As you continue to travel through life you will come across people who are so centered deeply in self that they are always looking for support from others, always talking about who they are, what they’re doing, and who they are involved with, without much thought to the person they deem as a friend, lover, or colleague. Energy vampires will suck the life force out of you if you let them.
Do you know of anyone in your life that demonstrates any of the characteristics and behaviors described above? If so, let’s start protecting your energy stat!
TIPS AND EXERCISES FOR PROTECTING YOUR ENERGY FROM ENERGY VAMPIRES
1) Dealing with energy vampires requires first (and probably most important) an understanding that everyone is where they need to be at that given moment. You may not like what the person is doing or even who they are, but being able to accept them and accept where they are will help you to protect your own energy.
2) Draw boundaries and uphold them. There are three main components to drawing boundaries and all three should be present in order for a boundary to protect you from an energy vampire.
a. Establish the boundary and the consequences if the boundary is crossed. For example, one boundary might be not allowing another to be critical of you and what you do. The consequence is to stop the current conversation.
b. Educate the person you are setting the boundary with as to the boundary and the consequences. For example, “It truly makes me feel bad when you criticize me so I am asking you to please stop. If the criticism continues I am going to stop the conversation and speak with you at a later time.”
c. Be consistent in upholding the boundary set. No one will take a boundary seriously if the boundary is not upheld.
3) Speak your truth. Sometimes all it takes is telling someone how you feel in a constructive and loving way. You may find the person is not even aware of their energy-zapping behavior and once made aware will endeavor to change it.
4) Cut the ties that bind. Don't be afraid that if you cut loose an energy vampire that you will be deemed as selfish and uncaring. By removing or limiting contact with an energy vampire you are creating the space to attract people in your life who are willing to equally give and receive. Oh, and here is the fabulous part, by cutting the ties you are sending a strong message to the Universe and those around; that message is that you matter and that you want people in your life who support you just as much as you support them.
5) Inventory YOU. Is there an area of your life where you are being an energy vampire yourself? Just by recognizing where we may be sucking energy helps us to become more aware of when someone is doing the same.
I am here to tell you that it is OK (more than OK) to preserve energy for you...to receive. Healthy relationships whether they are romantic, friendship based, or business all need and deserve to have a healthy balance. My wish for you is to treat your energy as a precious commodity.
YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Peace, Love, and lots of Energy,
Pam
Pam Thomas, Author and Publisher
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
The Question
How much pain am I willing to go through in my determination to see the
world through my world view rather than seeing it through the world view of
Source?
Am I going to continue to look through my ideas of shortage mentality,
seeing unfairness and injustice? Or am I going to look at the world through
the eyes of Source, through the eyes of connection, through the eyes of
well being?
That really is the question!
San Francisco 7/28/09
world through my world view rather than seeing it through the world view of
Source?
Am I going to continue to look through my ideas of shortage mentality,
seeing unfairness and injustice? Or am I going to look at the world through
the eyes of Source, through the eyes of connection, through the eyes of
well being?
That really is the question!
San Francisco 7/28/09
Disturb Me, Please! by Margaret Wheatley
Disturb Me, Please!
by
In graduate school, I had one professor who encouraged us to notice what surprised or disturbed us. If we were surprised by some statement, it indicated we were assuming that something else was true. If we were disturbed by a comment, it indicated we held a belief contrary to that. Noticing what disturbs me has been an incredibly useful lens into my interior, deeply held beliefs. When I'm shocked at anther's position, I have the opportunity to see my own position in greater clarity. When I hear myself saying "How could anyone believe something like that?!" a doorway has opened for me to see what I believe. These moments of true disturbance are grehttp://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=255639545562445290#at gifts. In making my beliefs visible, they allow me to consciously choose them again, or change them.
What if we were to be together and listen to each other's comments with a willingness to expose rather than to confirm our own beliefs and opinions? What if we were to willingly listen to one another with the awareness that we each see the world in unique ways? And with the expectation that I could learn something new if I listen for the differences rather than the similarities?
We have this opportunity many times in a day, everyday. What might we see, what might we learn, what might we create together, if we become this kind of listener, one who enjoys the differences and welcomes in disturbance? I know we would be delightfully startled by how much difference there is. And then we would be wonderfully comforted by how much closer we became, because every time we listen well, we move towards each other. From our new thoughts and our new companions, we would all become wiser.
It would be more fruitful to explore this strange and puzzling world if we were together. It would also be far less frightening and lonely. We would be together, brought together by our differences rather than separated by them. When we are willing to be disturbed by newness rather than clinging to our certainty, when we are willing to truly listen to someone who sees the world differently, then wonderful things happen. We learn that we don't have to agree with each other in order to explore together. There is no need to be joined together at the head, as long as we are joined together at the heart.
by
In graduate school, I had one professor who encouraged us to notice what surprised or disturbed us. If we were surprised by some statement, it indicated we were assuming that something else was true. If we were disturbed by a comment, it indicated we held a belief contrary to that. Noticing what disturbs me has been an incredibly useful lens into my interior, deeply held beliefs. When I'm shocked at anther's position, I have the opportunity to see my own position in greater clarity. When I hear myself saying "How could anyone believe something like that?!" a doorway has opened for me to see what I believe. These moments of true disturbance are grehttp://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=255639545562445290#at gifts. In making my beliefs visible, they allow me to consciously choose them again, or change them.
What if we were to be together and listen to each other's comments with a willingness to expose rather than to confirm our own beliefs and opinions? What if we were to willingly listen to one another with the awareness that we each see the world in unique ways? And with the expectation that I could learn something new if I listen for the differences rather than the similarities?
We have this opportunity many times in a day, everyday. What might we see, what might we learn, what might we create together, if we become this kind of listener, one who enjoys the differences and welcomes in disturbance? I know we would be delightfully startled by how much difference there is. And then we would be wonderfully comforted by how much closer we became, because every time we listen well, we move towards each other. From our new thoughts and our new companions, we would all become wiser.
It would be more fruitful to explore this strange and puzzling world if we were together. It would also be far less frightening and lonely. We would be together, brought together by our differences rather than separated by them. When we are willing to be disturbed by newness rather than clinging to our certainty, when we are willing to truly listen to someone who sees the world differently, then wonderful things happen. We learn that we don't have to agree with each other in order to explore together. There is no need to be joined together at the head, as long as we are joined together at the heart.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Who turned off the power? - Pam Thomas
Who turned off the power? -Pam Thomas
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent - Eleanor Roosevelt
It is true that no one has the right to make us feel powerless or less of a person. NO ONE! And while it is a bitter pill to sometimes swallow, we do have a say or choice in how someone makes us feel. With that said, then why is it so easy to feel inferior or powerless?
There could be many reasons:
* Maybe someone we loved put us down and because we loved them, we believed them. (Hey, people we love and/or love us know us best, right? NOT ALWAYS.)
* Maybe it is because we have always been afraid to stand up for ourselves in fear we would rock the boat or make someone angry.
* Maybe it is because we spend time comparing ourselves with others and wishing we had what they have.
* Maybe it is because we just don't trust ourselves and our abilities.
Does any of this sound familiar? If so, please don't despair because reclaiming your personal power is absolutely possible. Give the following a whirl and see what happens:
1) Make a list of your MANY amazing attributes. (Yes, you have many!!) You should even write down all the attributes you wish to have.
2) As you write, if your inner-critic or self-doubter (that little contradictory voice) rears its head, thank it for its contributions and then tell it to be quiet. Please be sure just to keep writing!
3) Take your list and over the next 90 days read your list to yourself five times in the morning and five times at night before bed.
4) Say to yourself as often as possible, "It's none of my business what other people think of me, but it is my business what I think of me." It's true, you can't control what others think so why be held hostage by their thoughts or give away your power to those thoughts?
Just remember, you do have the power and no one has the right to turn it off.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent - Eleanor Roosevelt
It is true that no one has the right to make us feel powerless or less of a person. NO ONE! And while it is a bitter pill to sometimes swallow, we do have a say or choice in how someone makes us feel. With that said, then why is it so easy to feel inferior or powerless?
There could be many reasons:
* Maybe someone we loved put us down and because we loved them, we believed them. (Hey, people we love and/or love us know us best, right? NOT ALWAYS.)
* Maybe it is because we have always been afraid to stand up for ourselves in fear we would rock the boat or make someone angry.
* Maybe it is because we spend time comparing ourselves with others and wishing we had what they have.
* Maybe it is because we just don't trust ourselves and our abilities.
Does any of this sound familiar? If so, please don't despair because reclaiming your personal power is absolutely possible. Give the following a whirl and see what happens:
1) Make a list of your MANY amazing attributes. (Yes, you have many!!) You should even write down all the attributes you wish to have.
2) As you write, if your inner-critic or self-doubter (that little contradictory voice) rears its head, thank it for its contributions and then tell it to be quiet. Please be sure just to keep writing!
3) Take your list and over the next 90 days read your list to yourself five times in the morning and five times at night before bed.
4) Say to yourself as often as possible, "It's none of my business what other people think of me, but it is my business what I think of me." It's true, you can't control what others think so why be held hostage by their thoughts or give away your power to those thoughts?
Just remember, you do have the power and no one has the right to turn it off.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
On “Growing Wings” by Martha Beck, from Oprah, January 2004 The Phases of Human Metamorphosis
On “Growing Wings” by Martha Beck, from Oprah, January 2004
The Phases of Human Metamorphosis
I used to assume caterpillars became butterflies by weaving cocoons and then sitting inside growing legs and wings and so on. I was wrong. In fact, the first thing caterpillars do in the cocoon is shed their skin, leaving a soft rubbery chrysalis. If you were to look inside the cocoon early on, you’d find nothing but a puddle of glop. But in the glop are DNA-coded instructions for transformation to the butterfly, the angel of the dead caterpillar.
Humans do such transitions too – not physically but psychologically. All of us will experience metamorphosis several times during our lives, exchanging one identity for another. Even after you’re all grown up, your identity isn’t fixed. You may switch careers, change marital status, become a parent, get sick, win the lottery. I don’t know if this is stressful for caterpillars, but for humans this can be hell on wheels. The best way to minimize trauma is to understand the process. Here are the four phases.
Phase One – Dissolving
The first phase is the scariest, especially because we aren’t taught to expect it. It’s the time we lose our identity and are left temporarily formless. Sometimes it is just a “blip” and at others we run into a welter of “dissolving” experiences. You’ll get through it; you won’t have a choice. It’s scary though. Many so-called primitive cultures have rituals designed to teach the art of dissolution. They obscure faces with paint or ash, take names away, or are sent to spend time in wilderness or dark womblike enclosures. We don’t have such traditions, so when we’re dissolving we may get hysterical, fight our feelings, try to recapture our former lives, or jump immediately toward some new status quo. These measures actually slow down Phase One and make it more painful. Here are 4 strategies that work better:
~ Live for one day (or ten minutes) at a time. Focus on the now.
~ “Cocoon” by caring for yourself in physical, immediate ways.
~ Talk to others who’ve metamorphosized – a wise relative, friend, or therapist
~ Let yourself grieve; cycle through denial, anger sadness, acceptance many times.
Dissolving isn’t something you do; it’s something that happens to you. The closest you’ll come to controlling it is relaxing and trusting the process.
Phase Two – Imagining
Phase two can be as welcome as rain after a drought. This is when the part of you that knows your destiny, the imago in your psyche, will begin giving you instructions about how to reorganize the remnants of your old identity into something altogether different. You’ll know you’re beginning when your mind’s eye starts seeing images of the life you are about to create. They can’t be forced, and they are never what you expect, they just happen. You’re becoming a new person and you’ll develop traits and interests your old self didn’t have. You may feel like changing your clothing style or redecorating your space – the old no longer fits. You begin to reorder your outer situation to reflect your inner rebirth. Here are some ways you might want to respond:
~ Cut out magazine pictures that appeal, or draw/sketch/list/write something.
~ Let yourself daydream. Your job is to try out imaginary scenarios until you have a clear picture of your goals and desires. Save time, effort, and grief by doing this in your head before you attempt it in the real world.
Phase Two is about images; making them up, making them clear, making them possible. Writing down both dreams and schemes to create them leads to an action impulse.
Phase Three – Reforming
The itch to make dreams come true signals Phase Three, the implementation stage. You take steps like submitting work or inviting others. You’ll feel motivated to do real, physical things to build a new life. And then… (drum roll please)… you’ll fail. Repeatedly. Through my own experience and that of hundreds of clients, I’ve never seen a significant scheme succeed on the first try. Inevitably there are problems you didn’t expect. Phase three demands not the starry eyes that are so useful in phase Two, but the ingenuity of Thomas Edison and the tenacity of a pit bull. So:
~ Expect things to go wrong and to keep working through lack of success.
~ Be willing to start over. You’ll return briefly to Phase One feeling lost and confused, but this is an opportunity to release some of the illusions that created hitches in your plan.
~ Revisit Phase Two to include the truths you’ve learned.
~ Persist. Keep de-bugging and re-implementing your improved plans.
If you’ve followed all the steps above, your plans will eventually work.
Phase Four - Flying
Phase Four is like crawling out of your cocoon and waiting for your wings to dry and expand. It’s the payoff, when your identity is fully formed and able to fly. The following strategies can help you optimize this delightful situation. They are about fine-tuning:
~ Enjoy! You’ve just negotiated a scary and dramatic transformation. Savor your new identity and focus on gratitude for your success.
~ Make small improvements, little techniques for less stress, more pleasure.
~ Know that another change is just around the bend.
Don‘t attribute your happiness to your new identity; security lies in knowing how to deal with metamorphosis whenever it occurs. Phase Four may last for days or decades.
As the Buddhist Nun Pema Chodron writes, “We are always in transition… If you can just relax with that, you’ll have no problem.” At times you may feel it’s the end of the world, but remember that dissolution of the caterpillar leads to the butterfly.
The Phases of Human Metamorphosis
I used to assume caterpillars became butterflies by weaving cocoons and then sitting inside growing legs and wings and so on. I was wrong. In fact, the first thing caterpillars do in the cocoon is shed their skin, leaving a soft rubbery chrysalis. If you were to look inside the cocoon early on, you’d find nothing but a puddle of glop. But in the glop are DNA-coded instructions for transformation to the butterfly, the angel of the dead caterpillar.
Humans do such transitions too – not physically but psychologically. All of us will experience metamorphosis several times during our lives, exchanging one identity for another. Even after you’re all grown up, your identity isn’t fixed. You may switch careers, change marital status, become a parent, get sick, win the lottery. I don’t know if this is stressful for caterpillars, but for humans this can be hell on wheels. The best way to minimize trauma is to understand the process. Here are the four phases.
Phase One – Dissolving
The first phase is the scariest, especially because we aren’t taught to expect it. It’s the time we lose our identity and are left temporarily formless. Sometimes it is just a “blip” and at others we run into a welter of “dissolving” experiences. You’ll get through it; you won’t have a choice. It’s scary though. Many so-called primitive cultures have rituals designed to teach the art of dissolution. They obscure faces with paint or ash, take names away, or are sent to spend time in wilderness or dark womblike enclosures. We don’t have such traditions, so when we’re dissolving we may get hysterical, fight our feelings, try to recapture our former lives, or jump immediately toward some new status quo. These measures actually slow down Phase One and make it more painful. Here are 4 strategies that work better:
~ Live for one day (or ten minutes) at a time. Focus on the now.
~ “Cocoon” by caring for yourself in physical, immediate ways.
~ Talk to others who’ve metamorphosized – a wise relative, friend, or therapist
~ Let yourself grieve; cycle through denial, anger sadness, acceptance many times.
Dissolving isn’t something you do; it’s something that happens to you. The closest you’ll come to controlling it is relaxing and trusting the process.
Phase Two – Imagining
Phase two can be as welcome as rain after a drought. This is when the part of you that knows your destiny, the imago in your psyche, will begin giving you instructions about how to reorganize the remnants of your old identity into something altogether different. You’ll know you’re beginning when your mind’s eye starts seeing images of the life you are about to create. They can’t be forced, and they are never what you expect, they just happen. You’re becoming a new person and you’ll develop traits and interests your old self didn’t have. You may feel like changing your clothing style or redecorating your space – the old no longer fits. You begin to reorder your outer situation to reflect your inner rebirth. Here are some ways you might want to respond:
~ Cut out magazine pictures that appeal, or draw/sketch/list/write something.
~ Let yourself daydream. Your job is to try out imaginary scenarios until you have a clear picture of your goals and desires. Save time, effort, and grief by doing this in your head before you attempt it in the real world.
Phase Two is about images; making them up, making them clear, making them possible. Writing down both dreams and schemes to create them leads to an action impulse.
Phase Three – Reforming
The itch to make dreams come true signals Phase Three, the implementation stage. You take steps like submitting work or inviting others. You’ll feel motivated to do real, physical things to build a new life. And then… (drum roll please)… you’ll fail. Repeatedly. Through my own experience and that of hundreds of clients, I’ve never seen a significant scheme succeed on the first try. Inevitably there are problems you didn’t expect. Phase three demands not the starry eyes that are so useful in phase Two, but the ingenuity of Thomas Edison and the tenacity of a pit bull. So:
~ Expect things to go wrong and to keep working through lack of success.
~ Be willing to start over. You’ll return briefly to Phase One feeling lost and confused, but this is an opportunity to release some of the illusions that created hitches in your plan.
~ Revisit Phase Two to include the truths you’ve learned.
~ Persist. Keep de-bugging and re-implementing your improved plans.
If you’ve followed all the steps above, your plans will eventually work.
Phase Four - Flying
Phase Four is like crawling out of your cocoon and waiting for your wings to dry and expand. It’s the payoff, when your identity is fully formed and able to fly. The following strategies can help you optimize this delightful situation. They are about fine-tuning:
~ Enjoy! You’ve just negotiated a scary and dramatic transformation. Savor your new identity and focus on gratitude for your success.
~ Make small improvements, little techniques for less stress, more pleasure.
~ Know that another change is just around the bend.
Don‘t attribute your happiness to your new identity; security lies in knowing how to deal with metamorphosis whenever it occurs. Phase Four may last for days or decades.
As the Buddhist Nun Pema Chodron writes, “We are always in transition… If you can just relax with that, you’ll have no problem.” At times you may feel it’s the end of the world, but remember that dissolution of the caterpillar leads to the butterfly.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Like The Sun Shining by Tenzin Palmo
Like The Sun Shining
by Tenzin Palmo
Sometimes people don't understand how Buddhism can talk about compassion and love in one breath and non-attachment and all these qualities of renunciation in the other breath. But that's because we confuse love with clinging. We think that if we love somebody, the measure of our loving is that we want to hold on to them. But that's not love, that's just self-love, attachment. It's not genuinely loving the other person, wanting them to be well and happy that's wanting them to make us well and happy. This is very important, because we confuse it all the time.
When I was nineteen years old I told my mother, "I'm going to India" and she said, "Oh yes, when are you leaving?" She didn't say, "How can you leave me, your poor old mother, now you've got to the age when you're earning a living, how can you go and abandon me?" She just said, "Oh yes, when are you leaving?" It was not because she did not love me, it was because she did. And because she loved me more in a way than she loved herself, she wanted what was right for me, not what would make her happy. Do you understand? Her happiness came by making me happy.
That's love, and that is something which we all need very much to work on in our personal relationships. To hold people and possessions like this (hands outstretched to indicate holding something lightly in the palms) and not like this (fists clenched to indicate holding something very tightly). So that when we have them, we appreciate and rejoice in them, but if they go then we can let them go. Change and impermanence is the nature of everything.
You see, when we lose something we love, it's our attachment which is the problem, not the loss. That's what causes us grief. And that is why the Buddha taught that with attachment comes fear and grief. We have the fear of losing, and then we have the grief when we lose. Buddha never said that love causes grief.
Love is an opening of the heart. It's like the sun shining. The sun just naturally shines. It doesn't discriminate, shining on this person but not on that one. It just shines, because it's the nature of the sun to give warmth. Some people go inside and close the doors and windows; that's their problem. The sun is shining anyway. And it's that quality of heart which we have to develop. That quality of open, unconditional loving, no matter what. I'm going to love you if you do this but I'm not going to love you any more if you do that parents do that, when their children don't obey.
--Tenzin Palmo
by Tenzin Palmo
Sometimes people don't understand how Buddhism can talk about compassion and love in one breath and non-attachment and all these qualities of renunciation in the other breath. But that's because we confuse love with clinging. We think that if we love somebody, the measure of our loving is that we want to hold on to them. But that's not love, that's just self-love, attachment. It's not genuinely loving the other person, wanting them to be well and happy that's wanting them to make us well and happy. This is very important, because we confuse it all the time.
When I was nineteen years old I told my mother, "I'm going to India" and she said, "Oh yes, when are you leaving?" She didn't say, "How can you leave me, your poor old mother, now you've got to the age when you're earning a living, how can you go and abandon me?" She just said, "Oh yes, when are you leaving?" It was not because she did not love me, it was because she did. And because she loved me more in a way than she loved herself, she wanted what was right for me, not what would make her happy. Do you understand? Her happiness came by making me happy.
That's love, and that is something which we all need very much to work on in our personal relationships. To hold people and possessions like this (hands outstretched to indicate holding something lightly in the palms) and not like this (fists clenched to indicate holding something very tightly). So that when we have them, we appreciate and rejoice in them, but if they go then we can let them go. Change and impermanence is the nature of everything.
You see, when we lose something we love, it's our attachment which is the problem, not the loss. That's what causes us grief. And that is why the Buddha taught that with attachment comes fear and grief. We have the fear of losing, and then we have the grief when we lose. Buddha never said that love causes grief.
Love is an opening of the heart. It's like the sun shining. The sun just naturally shines. It doesn't discriminate, shining on this person but not on that one. It just shines, because it's the nature of the sun to give warmth. Some people go inside and close the doors and windows; that's their problem. The sun is shining anyway. And it's that quality of heart which we have to develop. That quality of open, unconditional loving, no matter what. I'm going to love you if you do this but I'm not going to love you any more if you do that parents do that, when their children don't obey.
--Tenzin Palmo
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Rejection: a blessing in disguise by Pam Thomas
Rejection: a blessing in disguise by Pam Thomas
What if someone told you that the last time you were turned down or worse, rejected was not because of you, but because of the other person? Would that change your perspective on the situation or your feelings about the person? If that thought doesn’t float your boat, how about trying this concept on for size…
Rejection is just the Universe’s way of protecting you from situations, things, and people that aren’t a right fit for you.
Think about it.
We’re all unique. We all possess qualities and characteristics that are different and special. That’s a beautiful thing because that means that each situation and each person has a “right fit” and we can’t, as individuals, be the “right fit” for everything or everyone. The mere thought of being the “right fit” for everyone and everything is a draining one at best, because when would you possibly find time for you? How would you be able to enjoy those amazing moments when the synergy was just perfect? When would you be able to really make a deep connection with someone really special?
Rejection truly is a blessing in disguise. It helps us keep the space open for the things and for the people that truly are meant to be a part of our lives. It keeps our options open and supports us in determining what is in our best interests. So the next time you are turned down or rejected, try telling yourself, “It’s OK. This is just the Universe’s way of letting me know that something more suitable to me and for me is on the horizon.” Then let it go and have faith that, that something or someone truly is around the corner just waiting for the chance to introduce themselves to you.
What if someone told you that the last time you were turned down or worse, rejected was not because of you, but because of the other person? Would that change your perspective on the situation or your feelings about the person? If that thought doesn’t float your boat, how about trying this concept on for size…
Rejection is just the Universe’s way of protecting you from situations, things, and people that aren’t a right fit for you.
Think about it.
We’re all unique. We all possess qualities and characteristics that are different and special. That’s a beautiful thing because that means that each situation and each person has a “right fit” and we can’t, as individuals, be the “right fit” for everything or everyone. The mere thought of being the “right fit” for everyone and everything is a draining one at best, because when would you possibly find time for you? How would you be able to enjoy those amazing moments when the synergy was just perfect? When would you be able to really make a deep connection with someone really special?
Rejection truly is a blessing in disguise. It helps us keep the space open for the things and for the people that truly are meant to be a part of our lives. It keeps our options open and supports us in determining what is in our best interests. So the next time you are turned down or rejected, try telling yourself, “It’s OK. This is just the Universe’s way of letting me know that something more suitable to me and for me is on the horizon.” Then let it go and have faith that, that something or someone truly is around the corner just waiting for the chance to introduce themselves to you.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Fear, a four letter word by Pam Thomas
Fear, a four letter word by Pam Thomas
What is fear?
Fear sometimes protects us, helping us to avoid danger or pain.
Fear is an obstacle or blockage that keeps us from moving forward.
Fear is a feeling.
Fear can be real and valid.
Fear is a great place to hide.
It is OK to feel fearful, especially when it comes to your own safety and well-being. It is OK to feel fearful about your dreams, about taking risks; feeling fear is a natural human emotion.
But here's something to consider; if fear is not serving as a protector from danger, should fear be allowed to stand in your way of creating the life you desire and deserve?
Consider the following few things about fear....
* Fear only resides in the past and the future.
* Fear does not like postives.
* Fear disappears when deep breathing is present.
For just one moment imagine having the ability to flow, to really move through your day without doubt or fear. Imagine diving into new projects, taking exciting risks, setting dreams into action without the second guessing or the white knuckles. What would that be like? What would that feel like? Sit with that thought or feeling for a moment. Soak it in, remember it, especially during the times when fear is preventing you from doing something that will serve you in a positive way.
If that does not work for you, feel free to give these additional strategies a try...
1. Become very present, in the here and the now. Stop, take a good look around you and engage your five senses. What do you see? What do you hear? etc.
2. Take four deep cleansing breaths to a count of four; four counts in through the nose and exhale to a count of four through the mouth.
3. The brain, while an amazing wonder, can’t think positive and negative thoughts at the same time. So since fear evokes negative thoughts try copping an attitude of gratitude. Take your hand, place it over your heart and in the moment list no less than three things you are most grateful for.
4. Take stock of the fear. Ask yourself is the fear serving you in a positive or negative way? Creating awareness is a powerful way to combat fear, because from awareness comes the ability to choose.
Just remember you deserve to have the life you desire without the fear. Here's to eradicating that four letter from your vocabulary.
FEAR= False Evidence Appearing Real
What is fear?
Fear sometimes protects us, helping us to avoid danger or pain.
Fear is an obstacle or blockage that keeps us from moving forward.
Fear is a feeling.
Fear can be real and valid.
Fear is a great place to hide.
It is OK to feel fearful, especially when it comes to your own safety and well-being. It is OK to feel fearful about your dreams, about taking risks; feeling fear is a natural human emotion.
But here's something to consider; if fear is not serving as a protector from danger, should fear be allowed to stand in your way of creating the life you desire and deserve?
Consider the following few things about fear....
* Fear only resides in the past and the future.
* Fear does not like postives.
* Fear disappears when deep breathing is present.
For just one moment imagine having the ability to flow, to really move through your day without doubt or fear. Imagine diving into new projects, taking exciting risks, setting dreams into action without the second guessing or the white knuckles. What would that be like? What would that feel like? Sit with that thought or feeling for a moment. Soak it in, remember it, especially during the times when fear is preventing you from doing something that will serve you in a positive way.
If that does not work for you, feel free to give these additional strategies a try...
1. Become very present, in the here and the now. Stop, take a good look around you and engage your five senses. What do you see? What do you hear? etc.
2. Take four deep cleansing breaths to a count of four; four counts in through the nose and exhale to a count of four through the mouth.
3. The brain, while an amazing wonder, can’t think positive and negative thoughts at the same time. So since fear evokes negative thoughts try copping an attitude of gratitude. Take your hand, place it over your heart and in the moment list no less than three things you are most grateful for.
4. Take stock of the fear. Ask yourself is the fear serving you in a positive or negative way? Creating awareness is a powerful way to combat fear, because from awareness comes the ability to choose.
Just remember you deserve to have the life you desire without the fear. Here's to eradicating that four letter from your vocabulary.
FEAR= False Evidence Appearing Real
Monday, June 1, 2009
Wise Words by Norman Vincent Peale
"We've all heard that we have to learn from our mistakes, but I think it's more important to learn from successes. If you learn only from your mistakes, you are inclined to learn only errors."
Norman Vincent Peale
1898-1993, Pastor and Author
Norman Vincent Peale
1898-1993, Pastor and Author
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
"...that there's no abiding success without commitment."
"...that there's no abiding success without commitment."
Anthony Robbins said that, and he was right.
Commitment is the key to achievement.
How committed are you to your future, to your goals,
to your relationship, to your self?
Do you want to be healthier, or do you just say you do?
Do you want to be happier, or do you just say you do?
Do you want to be nicer, or do you just say you do?
Do you want to be more patient, or do you just say you do?
Do you want to be lighter, or do you just say you do?
What do you really want...and who are you kidding about that?
-Neale Donald Walsch
Anthony Robbins said that, and he was right.
Commitment is the key to achievement.
How committed are you to your future, to your goals,
to your relationship, to your self?
Do you want to be healthier, or do you just say you do?
Do you want to be happier, or do you just say you do?
Do you want to be nicer, or do you just say you do?
Do you want to be more patient, or do you just say you do?
Do you want to be lighter, or do you just say you do?
What do you really want...and who are you kidding about that?
-Neale Donald Walsch
Friday, April 24, 2009
An Aesop Fable: The North Wind and The Sun
An Aesop Fable
The North Wind and The Sun
The North Wind boasted of great strength. The Sun argued that there was great strength in gentleness.
"We shall have a contest," said the Sun.
Far below, a man traveled a winding road. He was wearing a warm winter coat.
"As a test of strength," said the Sun, "Let us see which of us can take the coat off of that man."
"It will be quite simple for me to force him to remove his coat," bragged the Wind.
The Wind blew so hard, the birds clung to the trees. The world was filled with dust and leaves. But the harder the wind blew down the road, the tighter the shivering man clung to his coat.
Then, the Sun came out from behind a cloud. Sun warmed the air and the frosty ground. The man on the road unbuttoned his coat.
The sun grew slowly brighter and brighter.
Soon the man felt so hot, he took off his coat and sat down in a shady spot.
"How did you do that?" said the Wind.
"It was easy," said the Sun, "Through the strength of gentleness I got my way."
The North Wind and The Sun
The North Wind boasted of great strength. The Sun argued that there was great strength in gentleness.
"We shall have a contest," said the Sun.
Far below, a man traveled a winding road. He was wearing a warm winter coat.
"As a test of strength," said the Sun, "Let us see which of us can take the coat off of that man."
"It will be quite simple for me to force him to remove his coat," bragged the Wind.
The Wind blew so hard, the birds clung to the trees. The world was filled with dust and leaves. But the harder the wind blew down the road, the tighter the shivering man clung to his coat.
Then, the Sun came out from behind a cloud. Sun warmed the air and the frosty ground. The man on the road unbuttoned his coat.
The sun grew slowly brighter and brighter.
Soon the man felt so hot, he took off his coat and sat down in a shady spot.
"How did you do that?" said the Wind.
"It was easy," said the Sun, "Through the strength of gentleness I got my way."
Saturday, April 4, 2009
"Worrying is the same thing as banging your head against the wall. It only feels good when you stop." — John Powers
"Worrying is the same thing as banging your head against the wall. It only feels good when you stop." — John Powers: Author and motivational speaker
There are only a handful of dangerous creatures on the planet that can do as much harm as we do to ourselves through worry. If we allow too much worry into our lives, it affects our mind, our health, our bodies, and our motivation. It can essentially paralyze us. But while its side effects are awful, the remedy is quick and painless. Cure yourself of worry by injecting confidence into your life and by following an unbeatable plan.
John Powers
There are only a handful of dangerous creatures on the planet that can do as much harm as we do to ourselves through worry. If we allow too much worry into our lives, it affects our mind, our health, our bodies, and our motivation. It can essentially paralyze us. But while its side effects are awful, the remedy is quick and painless. Cure yourself of worry by injecting confidence into your life and by following an unbeatable plan.
John Powers
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