You are NOT your Ego! (From Righteousness to Compassion)
Hello Friends!
Has anyone noticed an intensification of emotion these days?
Like judgment, anger, joy, passion?
As the spiritual energies continue to increase upon our planet, the aspect of our humanness, our ego personality, is the part of ‘us’ that is taking the heat….
And for some of us, its gotten pretty hot lately!
Amidst the highs and exuberance, I’ve also found myself getting more pissed than usual; its taking a concerted effort at times to stop, breath, and come back to center.
It happened again this morning… I was reading a comment that someone posted on one of my Facebook threads last night, asking a question of why hasn’t the work I have done ended the dolphin hunt? I wasn’t sure if it was a sincere question or a bit sarcastic, but I took some a lot of time to give a thoughtful reply…
After I posted my reply, I found the same person had posted similar comments on other FB conversations… As I read them, the sarcasm was obvious… WTF? As I’m reading this and reacting in angry (I felt the sweat pouring from my armpits), a little window pops up and says this person just commented on my reply…
I clicked on the icon and sure enough, another sarcastic comment…on a thread of conversation with over 80 comments.. so his comments have gone into the emails of everyone…
By now my blood is in a boil and my mind is formulating a reply… (I can say it pretty straight!)
Enter another deep breath… enter compassion…
A lot of us are feeling triggered lately, and twice in the past month I’ve been too quick to give someone feedback about the inappropriateness of their actions. Let me get this straight, their actions were totally inappropriate, but my righteous reply only added fuel to the fire…
Knowing this, and remembering the regret of speaking while in reaction, I let the anger pass, I stop taking his attacks personal, and can then see that this man is obviously upset…
And from this place of compassion, I look up his email address and send him an email telling him I understand he’s upset and that a conversation with 80 comments is the wrong place to use sarcasm…
And then I see my righteousness in pointing out his sarcasm…
Let me be clear – I was totally entitled to call him on his sarcasm. Its just that it would probably have closed the door on any productive communication. So… did I want to be right, or did I want healing?
So I delete the comment about sarcasm… and just acknowledge that he is upset, and extend an invitation to talk…
It doesn’t matter his reply…. What matters is how I feel, and I feel filled with peace and compassion…
As the heat in the kitchen increases, it serves us to respond to our brothers and sisters with compassion.. I invite you to take the five breaths or ten minutes it takes to release your reactions to the triggers around you…
Every time we do, we bring more light into our bodies and our world…
Every single time we do, we strengthen the morphic field of Oneness that is growing in our collective awareness in leaps and bounds…
Namaste!
Joe
PS PS PS!!!
I have found that APPRECIATION is a valuable ally in shifting energy!
Everyday Ecstasy
email: joe@planetarypartners.com
Showing posts with label enlightenment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label enlightenment. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
"Paid in Full"
One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry. He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.
Instead of a meal, he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry and so she brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?"
"You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness." He said, "Then I thank you from my heart." As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strengthened also. He had been ready to give up and quit.
Years later, that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.
Dr. Howard Kelly* was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, he went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor's gown, he went in to see her. He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day, he gave special attention to the case.
After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly requested from the business office to pass the final billing to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge, and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally, she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words:
"PAID IN FULL WITH ONE GLASS OF MILK..."
(Signed)
Dr. Howard Kelly
*Dr. Howard Kelly was a distinguished physician who, in 1895, founded the Johns Hopkins Division of Gynecologic Oncology at Johns Hopkins University. According to Dr. Kelly's biographer, Audrey Davis, the doctor was on a walking trip through Northern Pennsylvania one spring day when he stopped by a farm house for a drink of water.
The Awesome Power of Kindness...
From: Motivation in a Minute
Instead of a meal, he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry and so she brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?"
"You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness." He said, "Then I thank you from my heart." As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strengthened also. He had been ready to give up and quit.
Years later, that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.
Dr. Howard Kelly* was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, he went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor's gown, he went in to see her. He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day, he gave special attention to the case.
After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly requested from the business office to pass the final billing to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge, and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally, she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words:
"PAID IN FULL WITH ONE GLASS OF MILK..."
(Signed)
Dr. Howard Kelly
*Dr. Howard Kelly was a distinguished physician who, in 1895, founded the Johns Hopkins Division of Gynecologic Oncology at Johns Hopkins University. According to Dr. Kelly's biographer, Audrey Davis, the doctor was on a walking trip through Northern Pennsylvania one spring day when he stopped by a farm house for a drink of water.
The Awesome Power of Kindness...
From: Motivation in a Minute
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Connecting to Source requires Surrender
According to Eckhart Tolle, connecting to Source requires Surrender — a Truth expressed in the "Tao of Leadership."
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.
When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.
By yielding, I endure. The empty space is filled.
When I give of myself, I become more.
When I feel most destroyed, I am about to grow.
When I desire nothing, A great deal comes to me.
........
Some days are just waiting to be shared with like-minded souls who believe in fun and laughter! ... Happy day to you!
~Glenda
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.
When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.
By yielding, I endure. The empty space is filled.
When I give of myself, I become more.
When I feel most destroyed, I am about to grow.
When I desire nothing, A great deal comes to me.
........
Some days are just waiting to be shared with like-minded souls who believe in fun and laughter! ... Happy day to you!
~Glenda
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
The Gandhi Rap - be the change u want to see
Presentation on Gandhi's Life with Gandhi rap sung by MC Yogi
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Healing Prayer for the Gulf
Dr. Masaru Emoto is the scientist from Japan who has done vast research about the characteristics of water. Among other things, his research revealed that water physically responds to emotions. Right now many people are understandably angry when they consider the Gulf oil spill. Yet we may be of greater assistance to our planet and its life forms if we sincerely, powerfully and humbly pray the prayer that Dr Emoto has proposed. (The conclusion of the prayer is based on the Hawaiian healing practice called ho'oponopono as taught by Dr. Haleakala Hew Len.)
I send the energy of love and gratitude
to the water and all the living creatures
in the Gulf of Mexico and its surroundings.
To the whales, dolphins, pelicans, fish, shellfish,
plankton, coral, algae, and all living creatures . . .
I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.
Alan Cohen
http://www.alancohen.com
I send the energy of love and gratitude
to the water and all the living creatures
in the Gulf of Mexico and its surroundings.
To the whales, dolphins, pelicans, fish, shellfish,
plankton, coral, algae, and all living creatures . . .
I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.
Alan Cohen
http://www.alancohen.com
Friday, February 19, 2010
I Don't Play Hurt by Alan Cohen
I Don't Play Hurt by Alan Cohen
I am not a victim of the world I see.
- A Course in Miracles
I began to feel irritated when the limo driver was late. After a long flight on the eve of an intense book promotion tour, I was tired and anxious to get to my hotel. Finally the limo arrived and the driver emerged. He was a tall, husky African-American man who resembled a cross between George Forman and Goldfinger’s Oddjob. I decided not to get in his face.
Enroute the driver, Terry, apologized for being late because he had a minor fender bender on his way. When he asked me what I was doing in L.A., I told him I was promoting my new book, Why Your Life Sucks and What You Can Do About It. Terry chuckled, “I can use that book.”
A few minutes later I heard Terry reporting the mishap to his dispatcher over the 2-way radio. “Was there any damage to the car?” asked the dispatcher.
“None,” Terry answered curtly.
“Did you get hurt?” was the next question.
“Not really.”
After a silence, the dispatcher replied, “You know, there could be some cash in this for you.”
When I realized the dispatcher was suggesting that Terry file a false insurance claim, I awaited his response. A moment later he answered in a low, sober voice, “I don’t play hurt.”
Now there’s an affirmation to file in a conspicuous place: I don’t play hurt. That’s exactly the principle I’ve been striving to live and teach for my whole career. Stunned, I placed a hand on Terry’s shoulder and told him, “You don’t need my book, man you’re already living it.”
None of us can afford to play hurt. When you do, you undermine your true strength and live a lie. Don’t play small. Don’t act like a victim. Don’t seek rewards for pain. Be magnificent. Be powerful. If you are going to play any role, play strong and whole, for that’s who you truly are.
Are you playing hurt in any area of your life?
What would you be doing differently if you played whole and strong?
I am strong, whole, and empowered. I don’t play hurt.
I am not a victim of the world I see.
- A Course in Miracles
I began to feel irritated when the limo driver was late. After a long flight on the eve of an intense book promotion tour, I was tired and anxious to get to my hotel. Finally the limo arrived and the driver emerged. He was a tall, husky African-American man who resembled a cross between George Forman and Goldfinger’s Oddjob. I decided not to get in his face.
Enroute the driver, Terry, apologized for being late because he had a minor fender bender on his way. When he asked me what I was doing in L.A., I told him I was promoting my new book, Why Your Life Sucks and What You Can Do About It. Terry chuckled, “I can use that book.”
A few minutes later I heard Terry reporting the mishap to his dispatcher over the 2-way radio. “Was there any damage to the car?” asked the dispatcher.
“None,” Terry answered curtly.
“Did you get hurt?” was the next question.
“Not really.”
After a silence, the dispatcher replied, “You know, there could be some cash in this for you.”
When I realized the dispatcher was suggesting that Terry file a false insurance claim, I awaited his response. A moment later he answered in a low, sober voice, “I don’t play hurt.”
Now there’s an affirmation to file in a conspicuous place: I don’t play hurt. That’s exactly the principle I’ve been striving to live and teach for my whole career. Stunned, I placed a hand on Terry’s shoulder and told him, “You don’t need my book, man you’re already living it.”
None of us can afford to play hurt. When you do, you undermine your true strength and live a lie. Don’t play small. Don’t act like a victim. Don’t seek rewards for pain. Be magnificent. Be powerful. If you are going to play any role, play strong and whole, for that’s who you truly are.
Are you playing hurt in any area of your life?
What would you be doing differently if you played whole and strong?
I am strong, whole, and empowered. I don’t play hurt.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Disturb Me, Please! by Margaret Wheatley
Disturb Me, Please!
by
In graduate school, I had one professor who encouraged us to notice what surprised or disturbed us. If we were surprised by some statement, it indicated we were assuming that something else was true. If we were disturbed by a comment, it indicated we held a belief contrary to that. Noticing what disturbs me has been an incredibly useful lens into my interior, deeply held beliefs. When I'm shocked at anther's position, I have the opportunity to see my own position in greater clarity. When I hear myself saying "How could anyone believe something like that?!" a doorway has opened for me to see what I believe. These moments of true disturbance are grehttp://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=255639545562445290#at gifts. In making my beliefs visible, they allow me to consciously choose them again, or change them.
What if we were to be together and listen to each other's comments with a willingness to expose rather than to confirm our own beliefs and opinions? What if we were to willingly listen to one another with the awareness that we each see the world in unique ways? And with the expectation that I could learn something new if I listen for the differences rather than the similarities?
We have this opportunity many times in a day, everyday. What might we see, what might we learn, what might we create together, if we become this kind of listener, one who enjoys the differences and welcomes in disturbance? I know we would be delightfully startled by how much difference there is. And then we would be wonderfully comforted by how much closer we became, because every time we listen well, we move towards each other. From our new thoughts and our new companions, we would all become wiser.
It would be more fruitful to explore this strange and puzzling world if we were together. It would also be far less frightening and lonely. We would be together, brought together by our differences rather than separated by them. When we are willing to be disturbed by newness rather than clinging to our certainty, when we are willing to truly listen to someone who sees the world differently, then wonderful things happen. We learn that we don't have to agree with each other in order to explore together. There is no need to be joined together at the head, as long as we are joined together at the heart.
by
In graduate school, I had one professor who encouraged us to notice what surprised or disturbed us. If we were surprised by some statement, it indicated we were assuming that something else was true. If we were disturbed by a comment, it indicated we held a belief contrary to that. Noticing what disturbs me has been an incredibly useful lens into my interior, deeply held beliefs. When I'm shocked at anther's position, I have the opportunity to see my own position in greater clarity. When I hear myself saying "How could anyone believe something like that?!" a doorway has opened for me to see what I believe. These moments of true disturbance are grehttp://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=255639545562445290#at gifts. In making my beliefs visible, they allow me to consciously choose them again, or change them.
What if we were to be together and listen to each other's comments with a willingness to expose rather than to confirm our own beliefs and opinions? What if we were to willingly listen to one another with the awareness that we each see the world in unique ways? And with the expectation that I could learn something new if I listen for the differences rather than the similarities?
We have this opportunity many times in a day, everyday. What might we see, what might we learn, what might we create together, if we become this kind of listener, one who enjoys the differences and welcomes in disturbance? I know we would be delightfully startled by how much difference there is. And then we would be wonderfully comforted by how much closer we became, because every time we listen well, we move towards each other. From our new thoughts and our new companions, we would all become wiser.
It would be more fruitful to explore this strange and puzzling world if we were together. It would also be far less frightening and lonely. We would be together, brought together by our differences rather than separated by them. When we are willing to be disturbed by newness rather than clinging to our certainty, when we are willing to truly listen to someone who sees the world differently, then wonderful things happen. We learn that we don't have to agree with each other in order to explore together. There is no need to be joined together at the head, as long as we are joined together at the heart.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
I Believe God Wants You To Know by Neale Donald Walsch
I Believe God Wants You To Know by Neale Donald Walsch
On this day of your life, Dear Friend, I believe God wants you to know...
....that you need not be concerned about money [or?]. Be concerned, instead, about joy.
How much joy are you experiencing in this moment? How much joy are you bringing to this moment? The joy you experience will be the joy you bring. If you are waiting for joy to be brought to you, you do not understand what you are doing here. And if you think that joy has anything to do with money (or weight or ?), you really do not understand what you are doing here.
There is a person waiting right now, right this very minute, for you to uplift them. Do that...and you will be rich.
Really. I mean, really. I'm not making this up.
Love, Your Friend....
Neale
On this day of your life, Dear Friend, I believe God wants you to know...
....that you need not be concerned about money [or?]. Be concerned, instead, about joy.
How much joy are you experiencing in this moment? How much joy are you bringing to this moment? The joy you experience will be the joy you bring. If you are waiting for joy to be brought to you, you do not understand what you are doing here. And if you think that joy has anything to do with money (or weight or ?), you really do not understand what you are doing here.
There is a person waiting right now, right this very minute, for you to uplift them. Do that...and you will be rich.
Really. I mean, really. I'm not making this up.
Love, Your Friend....
Neale
Monday, June 29, 2009
Fear, a four letter word by Pam Thomas
Fear, a four letter word by Pam Thomas
What is fear?
Fear sometimes protects us, helping us to avoid danger or pain.
Fear is an obstacle or blockage that keeps us from moving forward.
Fear is a feeling.
Fear can be real and valid.
Fear is a great place to hide.
It is OK to feel fearful, especially when it comes to your own safety and well-being. It is OK to feel fearful about your dreams, about taking risks; feeling fear is a natural human emotion.
But here's something to consider; if fear is not serving as a protector from danger, should fear be allowed to stand in your way of creating the life you desire and deserve?
Consider the following few things about fear....
* Fear only resides in the past and the future.
* Fear does not like postives.
* Fear disappears when deep breathing is present.
For just one moment imagine having the ability to flow, to really move through your day without doubt or fear. Imagine diving into new projects, taking exciting risks, setting dreams into action without the second guessing or the white knuckles. What would that be like? What would that feel like? Sit with that thought or feeling for a moment. Soak it in, remember it, especially during the times when fear is preventing you from doing something that will serve you in a positive way.
If that does not work for you, feel free to give these additional strategies a try...
1. Become very present, in the here and the now. Stop, take a good look around you and engage your five senses. What do you see? What do you hear? etc.
2. Take four deep cleansing breaths to a count of four; four counts in through the nose and exhale to a count of four through the mouth.
3. The brain, while an amazing wonder, can’t think positive and negative thoughts at the same time. So since fear evokes negative thoughts try copping an attitude of gratitude. Take your hand, place it over your heart and in the moment list no less than three things you are most grateful for.
4. Take stock of the fear. Ask yourself is the fear serving you in a positive or negative way? Creating awareness is a powerful way to combat fear, because from awareness comes the ability to choose.
Just remember you deserve to have the life you desire without the fear. Here's to eradicating that four letter from your vocabulary.
FEAR= False Evidence Appearing Real
What is fear?
Fear sometimes protects us, helping us to avoid danger or pain.
Fear is an obstacle or blockage that keeps us from moving forward.
Fear is a feeling.
Fear can be real and valid.
Fear is a great place to hide.
It is OK to feel fearful, especially when it comes to your own safety and well-being. It is OK to feel fearful about your dreams, about taking risks; feeling fear is a natural human emotion.
But here's something to consider; if fear is not serving as a protector from danger, should fear be allowed to stand in your way of creating the life you desire and deserve?
Consider the following few things about fear....
* Fear only resides in the past and the future.
* Fear does not like postives.
* Fear disappears when deep breathing is present.
For just one moment imagine having the ability to flow, to really move through your day without doubt or fear. Imagine diving into new projects, taking exciting risks, setting dreams into action without the second guessing or the white knuckles. What would that be like? What would that feel like? Sit with that thought or feeling for a moment. Soak it in, remember it, especially during the times when fear is preventing you from doing something that will serve you in a positive way.
If that does not work for you, feel free to give these additional strategies a try...
1. Become very present, in the here and the now. Stop, take a good look around you and engage your five senses. What do you see? What do you hear? etc.
2. Take four deep cleansing breaths to a count of four; four counts in through the nose and exhale to a count of four through the mouth.
3. The brain, while an amazing wonder, can’t think positive and negative thoughts at the same time. So since fear evokes negative thoughts try copping an attitude of gratitude. Take your hand, place it over your heart and in the moment list no less than three things you are most grateful for.
4. Take stock of the fear. Ask yourself is the fear serving you in a positive or negative way? Creating awareness is a powerful way to combat fear, because from awareness comes the ability to choose.
Just remember you deserve to have the life you desire without the fear. Here's to eradicating that four letter from your vocabulary.
FEAR= False Evidence Appearing Real
What Will You Reveal Today by Paul Hoffman
What Will You Reveal Today by Paul Hoffman
The flow of life has a perfect order to it, a perfect dimension of ease and grace that effortlessly reveals itself in a perfect calling called YOU. As you continue to awaken your beingness to the calling you become more clear and certain about your magnificent brilliance and creative genius. When you release all thoughts of lack and limitation then the feeling tone of infinite possibility takes over and you are guided towards the dream in your heart. All things line up in your favor and you begin to see yourself differently and confidently. You begin to step into a knowingness as you are surrounded by opportunities that will open up all the doors to your success. You are no longer fearful about what it is you are seeking to express. No longer concerned about what others may think. You are determined to live your life in a complete state of effortless imagination and divine inspiration. You begin to ask yourself the question, "How can I be of service today ?", as you bring forth a consciousness of inclusivity and oneness. You are walking on a path of unconditional love for all.
"What will YOU reveal today?" This is a magnificent way to look at your life. It is designed to bring out the best in you. It offers you a peace of mind that opens you up to what is central in your heart. In each moment of your day there is always something seeking to be expressed that releases a feeling tone of divine perfection and graceful existence. Where you are living, that place that is your mind, body and spiritual home, is your sanctuary. Make certain that it is grounded in a belief that who you are is a gifted and unique being whose time is now to offer your talents for a better world for all. Make sure that in every moment of your day you stay connected to the infinite source of divine intelligence that is constantly being broadcast to you inviting you to hear the calling of your heart. Give of yourself freely and be ready to receive all you need to have an extraordinary and amazing life. It begins when you are willing to reveal all your brilliance, genius, creativity, and magnificence. It's time to shine your light and surrender to the authentic expression of your life. YOU are truly awesome and exceptional. Live from this truth!
"Reveal your brilliance today. Hold back nothing and as you do all those you meet will become inspired by you and will absolutely want to share their brilliance too. In this co-creative spirit amazing things will happen as we create a world that works for everyone."
I AM inspired by the thoughts I AM thinking
I AM a constant flow of creative imagination
I AM open to receive all the blessings being sent to me
I AM willing to send step into my brilliance
I know that there is opportunity everywhere I AM
I say yes to what is seeking to reveal itself as me today
I am having an awesome day!
It's your day...MAKE IT A GREAT ONE!
The flow of life has a perfect order to it, a perfect dimension of ease and grace that effortlessly reveals itself in a perfect calling called YOU. As you continue to awaken your beingness to the calling you become more clear and certain about your magnificent brilliance and creative genius. When you release all thoughts of lack and limitation then the feeling tone of infinite possibility takes over and you are guided towards the dream in your heart. All things line up in your favor and you begin to see yourself differently and confidently. You begin to step into a knowingness as you are surrounded by opportunities that will open up all the doors to your success. You are no longer fearful about what it is you are seeking to express. No longer concerned about what others may think. You are determined to live your life in a complete state of effortless imagination and divine inspiration. You begin to ask yourself the question, "How can I be of service today ?", as you bring forth a consciousness of inclusivity and oneness. You are walking on a path of unconditional love for all.
"What will YOU reveal today?" This is a magnificent way to look at your life. It is designed to bring out the best in you. It offers you a peace of mind that opens you up to what is central in your heart. In each moment of your day there is always something seeking to be expressed that releases a feeling tone of divine perfection and graceful existence. Where you are living, that place that is your mind, body and spiritual home, is your sanctuary. Make certain that it is grounded in a belief that who you are is a gifted and unique being whose time is now to offer your talents for a better world for all. Make sure that in every moment of your day you stay connected to the infinite source of divine intelligence that is constantly being broadcast to you inviting you to hear the calling of your heart. Give of yourself freely and be ready to receive all you need to have an extraordinary and amazing life. It begins when you are willing to reveal all your brilliance, genius, creativity, and magnificence. It's time to shine your light and surrender to the authentic expression of your life. YOU are truly awesome and exceptional. Live from this truth!
"Reveal your brilliance today. Hold back nothing and as you do all those you meet will become inspired by you and will absolutely want to share their brilliance too. In this co-creative spirit amazing things will happen as we create a world that works for everyone."
I AM inspired by the thoughts I AM thinking
I AM a constant flow of creative imagination
I AM open to receive all the blessings being sent to me
I AM willing to send step into my brilliance
I know that there is opportunity everywhere I AM
I say yes to what is seeking to reveal itself as me today
I am having an awesome day!
It's your day...MAKE IT A GREAT ONE!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
What do you choose? by Pam Thomas
What do you choose? by Pam Thomas
Do you find that you sometimes take on someone else's...
...bad mood?
...insecurities?
...anger?
...hatred?
...fear?
If you answered "yes" to any of the options it may be time to take stock in the energy that you are sharing with the world. Remember, as harsh as this may sound like attracts like. If you are a fan of the Law of Attraction you will recall that our own energy levels (vibrations) attract similar energy levels (vibrations). Which means that if you are thinking and feeling negatively, there is a good chance that more negative vibes will come your way. Sounds pretty rotten doesn't it?
Well, guess what? There is good news! The good news is, you have a choice. You can choose the energy level you wish to operate from and you can choose not to allow others' emotional messes to become your mess. There is a wonderful example of this in the awesome book Feel It Real!: A Guided Approach to Bringing the Law of Attraction into Your Life.
In the book, the author Denise Coates shares a powerful story about a man full of hatred who traveled to see Buddha. When he met Buddha, rather than share kindness and love, he chose to curse, swear, and call Buddha names. Never once did Buddha fall prey to the man's hateful behavior. Seeing that his behavior was having no impact upon Buddha, the hateful man grew weary. Buddha turned to the man and asked him, "If a man brings me a gift and I refuse to accept it, to whom does the gift belong?" The man responded by saying that the gift belonged to the gift giver. To which Buddha replied, "Then if you come to me with a gift of hatred and I refuse to accept it, to whom does the hatred belong?" With that the man realized that his hatred only belonged to him and no one else.
So the next time you find yourself taking on someone else's emotions, ask yourself the following,
"Do I choose to accept or refuse this gift?" From awareness comes choice. The choice really is YOURS!
-Pam Thomas
Do you find that you sometimes take on someone else's...
...bad mood?
...insecurities?
...anger?
...hatred?
...fear?
If you answered "yes" to any of the options it may be time to take stock in the energy that you are sharing with the world. Remember, as harsh as this may sound like attracts like. If you are a fan of the Law of Attraction you will recall that our own energy levels (vibrations) attract similar energy levels (vibrations). Which means that if you are thinking and feeling negatively, there is a good chance that more negative vibes will come your way. Sounds pretty rotten doesn't it?
Well, guess what? There is good news! The good news is, you have a choice. You can choose the energy level you wish to operate from and you can choose not to allow others' emotional messes to become your mess. There is a wonderful example of this in the awesome book Feel It Real!: A Guided Approach to Bringing the Law of Attraction into Your Life.
In the book, the author Denise Coates shares a powerful story about a man full of hatred who traveled to see Buddha. When he met Buddha, rather than share kindness and love, he chose to curse, swear, and call Buddha names. Never once did Buddha fall prey to the man's hateful behavior. Seeing that his behavior was having no impact upon Buddha, the hateful man grew weary. Buddha turned to the man and asked him, "If a man brings me a gift and I refuse to accept it, to whom does the gift belong?" The man responded by saying that the gift belonged to the gift giver. To which Buddha replied, "Then if you come to me with a gift of hatred and I refuse to accept it, to whom does the hatred belong?" With that the man realized that his hatred only belonged to him and no one else.
So the next time you find yourself taking on someone else's emotions, ask yourself the following,
"Do I choose to accept or refuse this gift?" From awareness comes choice. The choice really is YOURS!
-Pam Thomas
Sunday, June 14, 2009
"WHY NOT TO SAY THIS: "I NEED A BREAK!" by Angela Treat Lyon
WHY NOT TO SAY THIS: "I NEED A BREAK!"
Have you ever wondered about people who say "Give me a break!", and then watch them break something? Power of suggestion? Law of Attraction? What you think/say, you get?
Instead, I think I might say, "I'm putting the brakes on and slowing down a bit" - because that's what it's usually about, right? Doing too much and needing to slow down? Try it!
Angela Treat Lyon
Have you ever wondered about people who say "Give me a break!", and then watch them break something? Power of suggestion? Law of Attraction? What you think/say, you get?
Instead, I think I might say, "I'm putting the brakes on and slowing down a bit" - because that's what it's usually about, right? Doing too much and needing to slow down? Try it!
Angela Treat Lyon
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Good Things Come to Those Who Ask by Jack Canfield
Good Things Come to Those Who Ask
by Jack Canfield
Asking for what you need is probably the most underutilized tool for people. And yet, amazing requests have been granted to people simply because they've asked for it!
Whether its money, information, support, assistance, or time, most people are afraid to ask for what they need in order to make their dreams come true.
They might be afraid of looking needy, ignorant, helpless, or even greedy. More than likely though, it is the fear of rejection that is holding them back. Even though they are afraid to hear the word no, they're already saying it to themselves by not asking!
Do you ask for what you want or are you afraid of rejection?
Consider this: Rejection is just a concept. There is really no such thing as rejection! You're not any worse off by hearing no than you were before you asked. You didn't have what you asked for before you asked and you still don't, so what did you lose?
Being rejected doesn't hold you back from anything. Only YOU hold yourself back. When you realize that there's no merit to rejection, you'll feel more comfortable asking for things. You may just need a bit of help learning how to ask for what you want.
How to Ask for What You Want
There's a specific science to asking for and getting what you want or need in life. And while I recommend you learn more by studying The Aladdin Factor, here are some quick tips to get you started:
1. Ask as if you expect to get it. Ask with a positive expectation. Ask from the place that you have already been given it. It is a done deal. Ask as if you expect to get a "yes."
2. Assume you can. Don't start with the assumption that you can't get it. If you are going to assume, assume you can get an upgrade. Assume you can get a table by the window. Assume that you can return it without a sales slip. Assume that you can get a scholarship, that you can get a raise, that you can get tickets at this late date. Don't ever assume against yourself.
3. Ask someone who can give it to you. Qualify the person. Who would I have to speak to to get...Who is authorized to make a decision about...What would have to happen for me to get...
4. Be clear and specific. In my seminars, I often ask, "Who wants more money in their life?" I'll pick someone who raised their hand and give them a quarter, asking, "Is that enough for you?" "No? Well, how would I know how much you want. How would anybody know?"
You need to ask for a specific number. Too many people are walking around wanting more of something, but not being specific enough to obtain it.
5. Ask repeatedly. One of the most important Success Principles is the commitment to not give up.
Whenever we're asking others to participate in the fulfillment of our goals, some people are going to say "no." They may have other priorities, commitments and reasons not to participate. It's no reflection on you.
Just get used to the idea that there's going to be a lot of rejection along the way to the brass ring. The key is to not give up. When someone says "No"-- you say "NEXT!" Why?
Because when you keep on asking, even the same person again and again...they might say "yes"...
...on a different day
...when they are in a better mood
...when you have new data to present
...after you've proven your commitment to them
...when circumstances have changed
...when you've learned how to close better
...when you've established better rapport
...when they trust you more
...when you have paid your dues
...when the economy is better
...and so on.
Kids know this Success Principle better than anyone. They will ask the same person over and over again without any hesitation (can you relate!).
Getting a good perspective on rejection and learning how to ask will make a world of difference for you as you work toward your goals. Practice asking and you'll get very good at it! You'll even speed your progress by getting what you need, or improving yourself in order to get it later.
Make a list of what you need to ask for in all areas of your life, and start asking.
Remember, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE... if you dare to ask!
© 2009 Jack Canfield
* * *
by Jack Canfield
Asking for what you need is probably the most underutilized tool for people. And yet, amazing requests have been granted to people simply because they've asked for it!
Whether its money, information, support, assistance, or time, most people are afraid to ask for what they need in order to make their dreams come true.
They might be afraid of looking needy, ignorant, helpless, or even greedy. More than likely though, it is the fear of rejection that is holding them back. Even though they are afraid to hear the word no, they're already saying it to themselves by not asking!
Do you ask for what you want or are you afraid of rejection?
Consider this: Rejection is just a concept. There is really no such thing as rejection! You're not any worse off by hearing no than you were before you asked. You didn't have what you asked for before you asked and you still don't, so what did you lose?
Being rejected doesn't hold you back from anything. Only YOU hold yourself back. When you realize that there's no merit to rejection, you'll feel more comfortable asking for things. You may just need a bit of help learning how to ask for what you want.
How to Ask for What You Want
There's a specific science to asking for and getting what you want or need in life. And while I recommend you learn more by studying The Aladdin Factor, here are some quick tips to get you started:
1. Ask as if you expect to get it. Ask with a positive expectation. Ask from the place that you have already been given it. It is a done deal. Ask as if you expect to get a "yes."
2. Assume you can. Don't start with the assumption that you can't get it. If you are going to assume, assume you can get an upgrade. Assume you can get a table by the window. Assume that you can return it without a sales slip. Assume that you can get a scholarship, that you can get a raise, that you can get tickets at this late date. Don't ever assume against yourself.
3. Ask someone who can give it to you. Qualify the person. Who would I have to speak to to get...Who is authorized to make a decision about...What would have to happen for me to get...
4. Be clear and specific. In my seminars, I often ask, "Who wants more money in their life?" I'll pick someone who raised their hand and give them a quarter, asking, "Is that enough for you?" "No? Well, how would I know how much you want. How would anybody know?"
You need to ask for a specific number. Too many people are walking around wanting more of something, but not being specific enough to obtain it.
5. Ask repeatedly. One of the most important Success Principles is the commitment to not give up.
Whenever we're asking others to participate in the fulfillment of our goals, some people are going to say "no." They may have other priorities, commitments and reasons not to participate. It's no reflection on you.
Just get used to the idea that there's going to be a lot of rejection along the way to the brass ring. The key is to not give up. When someone says "No"-- you say "NEXT!" Why?
Because when you keep on asking, even the same person again and again...they might say "yes"...
...on a different day
...when they are in a better mood
...when you have new data to present
...after you've proven your commitment to them
...when circumstances have changed
...when you've learned how to close better
...when you've established better rapport
...when they trust you more
...when you have paid your dues
...when the economy is better
...and so on.
Kids know this Success Principle better than anyone. They will ask the same person over and over again without any hesitation (can you relate!).
Getting a good perspective on rejection and learning how to ask will make a world of difference for you as you work toward your goals. Practice asking and you'll get very good at it! You'll even speed your progress by getting what you need, or improving yourself in order to get it later.
Make a list of what you need to ask for in all areas of your life, and start asking.
Remember, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE... if you dare to ask!
© 2009 Jack Canfield
* * *
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Dare to be Yourself ... by Paul Hoffman
Who am I? What do I want? What level of consciousness am I living from? These are great questions to ask yourself as you begin to usher in the dawn of a new day. The absolute truth in answering these questions is simply you are brilliant, magnificent, genius, caring, loving, kind, extraordinary, unstoppable, successful, creative, giving, generous, supportive, nurturing, confident you get the picture. You are all these qualities and so much more in every moment of your day. I ask you today to "Dare To Be Yourself" and bring out all these awesome qualities and values of who you are in all you do. When you do, life will begin to take on a new color and vibration of abundance and prosperity in every aspect of your being so that the person you really are emerges powerfully in all your relationships as you communicate the joy of being who you are.
There is no holding back the divine inspiration that you are. You can only be that which you believe you are. When you lose focus and clarity about the true authentic being you are then thoughts of lack and limitation creep in. You must have the courage to be steadfast in your commitment to living in your excellence. You must have the determination to stay the course in the journey you have chosen so that the vision in your heart becomes your reality. You must believe in yourself so you will receive all the divine intelligence that is encouraging you to keep stepping into your brilliance. There can be no other way to be. It is all within you right here and now to have it all. All you need to to do is "Dare To Be Yourself" and watch as the most amazing thing happens. YOU will be given the keys to the castle and your life will become all that you have dreamed it could be. Try it you'll like it!
"The first choice you should make each day is to be committed to be the blessing you are so that everyone will get to share in the magnificence of who you are."
I AM ready to show up in all my power
I AM open to the calling of my heart
My dream is the reality I see in my life today
I AM committed to the full expression of who I AM
I see the road ahead with focus and clarity
I AM full of infinite opportunities and possibilities
There is magic everywhere
I LOVE ME!
It's your day...MAKE IT A GREAT ONE!
-Paul Hoffman
There is no holding back the divine inspiration that you are. You can only be that which you believe you are. When you lose focus and clarity about the true authentic being you are then thoughts of lack and limitation creep in. You must have the courage to be steadfast in your commitment to living in your excellence. You must have the determination to stay the course in the journey you have chosen so that the vision in your heart becomes your reality. You must believe in yourself so you will receive all the divine intelligence that is encouraging you to keep stepping into your brilliance. There can be no other way to be. It is all within you right here and now to have it all. All you need to to do is "Dare To Be Yourself" and watch as the most amazing thing happens. YOU will be given the keys to the castle and your life will become all that you have dreamed it could be. Try it you'll like it!
"The first choice you should make each day is to be committed to be the blessing you are so that everyone will get to share in the magnificence of who you are."
I AM ready to show up in all my power
I AM open to the calling of my heart
My dream is the reality I see in my life today
I AM committed to the full expression of who I AM
I see the road ahead with focus and clarity
I AM full of infinite opportunities and possibilities
There is magic everywhere
I LOVE ME!
It's your day...MAKE IT A GREAT ONE!
-Paul Hoffman
Friday, April 24, 2009
An Aesop Fable: The North Wind and The Sun
An Aesop Fable
The North Wind and The Sun
The North Wind boasted of great strength. The Sun argued that there was great strength in gentleness.
"We shall have a contest," said the Sun.
Far below, a man traveled a winding road. He was wearing a warm winter coat.
"As a test of strength," said the Sun, "Let us see which of us can take the coat off of that man."
"It will be quite simple for me to force him to remove his coat," bragged the Wind.
The Wind blew so hard, the birds clung to the trees. The world was filled with dust and leaves. But the harder the wind blew down the road, the tighter the shivering man clung to his coat.
Then, the Sun came out from behind a cloud. Sun warmed the air and the frosty ground. The man on the road unbuttoned his coat.
The sun grew slowly brighter and brighter.
Soon the man felt so hot, he took off his coat and sat down in a shady spot.
"How did you do that?" said the Wind.
"It was easy," said the Sun, "Through the strength of gentleness I got my way."
The North Wind and The Sun
The North Wind boasted of great strength. The Sun argued that there was great strength in gentleness.
"We shall have a contest," said the Sun.
Far below, a man traveled a winding road. He was wearing a warm winter coat.
"As a test of strength," said the Sun, "Let us see which of us can take the coat off of that man."
"It will be quite simple for me to force him to remove his coat," bragged the Wind.
The Wind blew so hard, the birds clung to the trees. The world was filled with dust and leaves. But the harder the wind blew down the road, the tighter the shivering man clung to his coat.
Then, the Sun came out from behind a cloud. Sun warmed the air and the frosty ground. The man on the road unbuttoned his coat.
The sun grew slowly brighter and brighter.
Soon the man felt so hot, he took off his coat and sat down in a shady spot.
"How did you do that?" said the Wind.
"It was easy," said the Sun, "Through the strength of gentleness I got my way."
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
"Being happy ..." By Lionel Ketchian
Being happy is the well being that comes from a balanced mind. The more control of our thinking we have, the more our mind is not always telling us what we should be doing. We can then start to experience more happiness. As Aristotle said, "It is the mark of an educated mind to entertain a thought without accepting it." If we cannot stop our thoughts from always telling us what to think about or what to react to then we are not in control of ourselves. This is the reason we feel that doing things will get us where we think we need to be. The truth is we really don't need to do anything or go anywhere. If we start right where we are now, we can begin to realize we have everything we need to be happy. What are we missing? The realization that we have everything we need to start being happy right now. Ask yourself: Is that thought serving me?
HAPPINESS QUOTES
When you are unhappy, you've allowed yourself to be framed. When you are in a frame it is impossible to see the whole picture. See the big picture and stay happy.
- Lionel Ketchian
What is happiness?
It is unconditional acceptance of life, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Once we can understand unconditional happiness we can love, and be loved. Part of what I am talking about is accepting yourself for all your parts, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Once you do that you realize you are good enough. In fact you're perfect! When you feel good about yourself it is then that you can improve yourself. In fact Being Happy is the best self-improvement exercise that I know of.
- Lionel Ketchian
HAPPINESS QUOTES
When you are unhappy, you've allowed yourself to be framed. When you are in a frame it is impossible to see the whole picture. See the big picture and stay happy.
- Lionel Ketchian
What is happiness?
It is unconditional acceptance of life, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Once we can understand unconditional happiness we can love, and be loved. Part of what I am talking about is accepting yourself for all your parts, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Once you do that you realize you are good enough. In fact you're perfect! When you feel good about yourself it is then that you can improve yourself. In fact Being Happy is the best self-improvement exercise that I know of.
- Lionel Ketchian
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
The Warrior of Light and his temperament by Paulo Coelho
The Warrior of Light and his temperament
by Paulo Coelho
The Warrior of Light can afford to live each day different from the next. He is not afraid of crying over old regrets or feeling happy at new discoveries. When he feels that the hour has come, he casts everything aside and departs for the adventure he has dreamed so long about. When he understands that he is at the limit of his endurance, he leaves the fight, without feeling apologetic for having done one or two crazy and quite unexpected things.
The story below illustrates what I mean.
A man in quest of sanctity decided to climb a high mountain with just the clothes on his back and remain up there meditating for the rest of his life.
Soon he realized that one set of clothes was not enough, because it would get dirty very quick. He descended the mountain, went to the nearest village and asked for other clothes. Since everyone knew that the man was in quest of sanctity, they handed him a new pair of shoes and a shirt.
The man thanked them and climbed back up to the hermitage he was building on the top of the mountain. He spent the night putting up the walls and the days in meditation, eating the fruit of the trees and drinking the water of a nearby spring.
One month later he discovered that a mouse was chewing the extra clothes he had left to dry. Since he wanted to concentrate only on his spiritual duty, he went back down to the village and asked them to find him a cat.
The villagers, in respect for his mission, satisfied his request.
Another seven days and the cat was almost dying of starvation because it could not eat just fruit, and there were no more mice in the place. He went back down to the village for milk; as the villagers knew it was not for him – after all, he resisted without eating anything other than what nature offered him - once more they helped him.
The cat finished the milk quickly, so the man asked them to lend him a cow.
Since the cow gave more milk than was needed, he began to drink it too, so as not to waste it. In a short time – breathing the mountain air, eating fruit, meditating, drinking milk and doing exercises – he turned into a model of beauty. A lovely girl who climbed the mountain looking for her lamb fell in love with him and convinced him that he needed a wife to look after the house while he meditated in peace.
The man spent three days fasting, trying to know which was the best decision to make. Finally he understood that marriage is a blessing from above, and accepted the proposal.
Three years later, the man was married, with two sons, three cows, an orchard of fruit trees, and he ran a place for meditation, with a huge waiting line of people who wanted to know the miraculous “temple of eternal youth.”
When someone asked him how all that had started, he would say:
“Two weeks after I arrived up here, I had only two garments. A mouse began to chew one of them, and...”
But no-one was interested in the end of the story; they were sure that he was a wise businessman just trying to invent a legend to be able to raise even higher the price he charged the lodgers at the temple.
But like a good Warrior of Light, he did not bother about what others thought; he was happy because he was able to transform his dreams into reality.
by Paulo Coelho
The Warrior of Light can afford to live each day different from the next. He is not afraid of crying over old regrets or feeling happy at new discoveries. When he feels that the hour has come, he casts everything aside and departs for the adventure he has dreamed so long about. When he understands that he is at the limit of his endurance, he leaves the fight, without feeling apologetic for having done one or two crazy and quite unexpected things.
The story below illustrates what I mean.
A man in quest of sanctity decided to climb a high mountain with just the clothes on his back and remain up there meditating for the rest of his life.
Soon he realized that one set of clothes was not enough, because it would get dirty very quick. He descended the mountain, went to the nearest village and asked for other clothes. Since everyone knew that the man was in quest of sanctity, they handed him a new pair of shoes and a shirt.
The man thanked them and climbed back up to the hermitage he was building on the top of the mountain. He spent the night putting up the walls and the days in meditation, eating the fruit of the trees and drinking the water of a nearby spring.
One month later he discovered that a mouse was chewing the extra clothes he had left to dry. Since he wanted to concentrate only on his spiritual duty, he went back down to the village and asked them to find him a cat.
The villagers, in respect for his mission, satisfied his request.
Another seven days and the cat was almost dying of starvation because it could not eat just fruit, and there were no more mice in the place. He went back down to the village for milk; as the villagers knew it was not for him – after all, he resisted without eating anything other than what nature offered him - once more they helped him.
The cat finished the milk quickly, so the man asked them to lend him a cow.
Since the cow gave more milk than was needed, he began to drink it too, so as not to waste it. In a short time – breathing the mountain air, eating fruit, meditating, drinking milk and doing exercises – he turned into a model of beauty. A lovely girl who climbed the mountain looking for her lamb fell in love with him and convinced him that he needed a wife to look after the house while he meditated in peace.
The man spent three days fasting, trying to know which was the best decision to make. Finally he understood that marriage is a blessing from above, and accepted the proposal.
Three years later, the man was married, with two sons, three cows, an orchard of fruit trees, and he ran a place for meditation, with a huge waiting line of people who wanted to know the miraculous “temple of eternal youth.”
When someone asked him how all that had started, he would say:
“Two weeks after I arrived up here, I had only two garments. A mouse began to chew one of them, and...”
But no-one was interested in the end of the story; they were sure that he was a wise businessman just trying to invent a legend to be able to raise even higher the price he charged the lodgers at the temple.
But like a good Warrior of Light, he did not bother about what others thought; he was happy because he was able to transform his dreams into reality.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Commitment: The Essential Ingredient In Your Relationship - By Dr. Richard Nicastro
Commitment: The Essential Ingredient In Your Relationship - By Dr. Richard Nicastro
Anyone who has run a marathon knows about commitment. To compete, the athlete relies on extensive training and physical fitness. But when the initial enthusiasm wanes and the painful, long-distance realities grip the runner's body, it is sheer dedication -- commitment to completing what she started -- that sustains the runner's motivation as she reaches for the finish line.
A relationship is a lot like running a marathon. There are highs and lows, challenges and rewards, and times when you may want to give up -- when it feels too difficult to continue. What will keep you on track and moving forward when your relationship hits the inevitable rough patch? Will love be enough?
Commitment: Your relationship lifeline
Commitment is a belief in relationship permanence and the understanding that at times your union will need a life-jacket to stay afloat.
When you and your partner are committed to the relationship, the union remains more important then your (and your partner's) individual needs. Without mutual commitment, deep trust will never take root and intimacy will wither. When one person's commitment is tenuous, the very fabric of the relationship is weakened. A lack of commitment reduces the buffer that holds relationships together during times of conflict and stress. Imagine living with the fear that periodic slumps in your relationship can cause your partner to bail.
Trust and deep intimacy will only grow in the soil of commitment.
Commitment has a dual role in your relationship. You can view commitment as the vehicle to help deepen your love, and you can also view it as a safety net of sorts, a way to protect your marriage or relationship during the difficult periods that each and every relationship experiences.
Commitment allows love and intimacy to mature over time. Someone who ends a relationship because the excitement of new love has diminished misses out on the opportunities that relationships bring for individual and mutual growth.
Some erroneously believe that a commitment like "till death do us part" means foolishly locking yourself into a lifetime of potential unhappiness. No one should commit to a relationship that cannot meet their needs. Your needs (and your partner's needs) do matter and should be part of the overall commitment equation. But life and relationships are complicated, and there will be stretches of time when your partner does not meet your needs (and you will not meet your partner's needs). Commitment is what will get you through those rough stretches, enabling each of you to get back on track in meeting each other's needs once again.
All couples (married and unmarried) face an enormous challenge: How to stay devoted to one another throughout the life of your relationship, even when early enthusiasm and euphoria naturally wane.
Commitment is a very personal process. Unfortunately, for some it will mean blind dedication to a union that rarely meets their needs, while others eschew commitment and impulsively use the ebb and flow of happiness as the gauge whether to stay or leave. Both of these approaches are flawed. Ideally, commitment will remain in place as happiness comes and goes and your relationship finds its footing along life's shifting terrain.
Commitment checklist:
Commit to ________:
...understanding that love grows and deepens over a lifetime.
...acknowledging that all relationships go through ups and downs.
...continuously working toward a meaningful relationship that will transcend momentary happiness.
...working through problems with your partner (while resisting the temptation to get your needs met outside of the relationship).
...finding solutions that will keep your relationship moving forward.
...compromising (even when you think you're right).
...yourself and the relationship.
Don't commit to ________:
...anything that feels abusive.
...always sacrificing what's most important to you.
...the idea that if your relationship requires hard work it means your relationship is flawed.
...the mindset that it's acceptable for your needs to continuously go unmet.
One of the greatest challenges to commitment lies in the instant-gratification mindset -- the idea that you deserve to have what you want when you want it. The settings to our pleasure barometer have been altered, and humans are less willing to deal with frustrating circumstances or anything that feels like it stands in the way of immediate happiness. This poses a problem for relationships.
When you make decisions about your relationship based solely on the need to feel happy (all the time), you abandon commitment and the rich opportunities that are essential for your relationship to grow.
I invite you to think about what commitment means to you. What you are committing to in your marriage or relationship?
About the Author:
Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.
Anyone who has run a marathon knows about commitment. To compete, the athlete relies on extensive training and physical fitness. But when the initial enthusiasm wanes and the painful, long-distance realities grip the runner's body, it is sheer dedication -- commitment to completing what she started -- that sustains the runner's motivation as she reaches for the finish line.
A relationship is a lot like running a marathon. There are highs and lows, challenges and rewards, and times when you may want to give up -- when it feels too difficult to continue. What will keep you on track and moving forward when your relationship hits the inevitable rough patch? Will love be enough?
Commitment: Your relationship lifeline
Commitment is a belief in relationship permanence and the understanding that at times your union will need a life-jacket to stay afloat.
When you and your partner are committed to the relationship, the union remains more important then your (and your partner's) individual needs. Without mutual commitment, deep trust will never take root and intimacy will wither. When one person's commitment is tenuous, the very fabric of the relationship is weakened. A lack of commitment reduces the buffer that holds relationships together during times of conflict and stress. Imagine living with the fear that periodic slumps in your relationship can cause your partner to bail.
Trust and deep intimacy will only grow in the soil of commitment.
Commitment has a dual role in your relationship. You can view commitment as the vehicle to help deepen your love, and you can also view it as a safety net of sorts, a way to protect your marriage or relationship during the difficult periods that each and every relationship experiences.
Commitment allows love and intimacy to mature over time. Someone who ends a relationship because the excitement of new love has diminished misses out on the opportunities that relationships bring for individual and mutual growth.
Some erroneously believe that a commitment like "till death do us part" means foolishly locking yourself into a lifetime of potential unhappiness. No one should commit to a relationship that cannot meet their needs. Your needs (and your partner's needs) do matter and should be part of the overall commitment equation. But life and relationships are complicated, and there will be stretches of time when your partner does not meet your needs (and you will not meet your partner's needs). Commitment is what will get you through those rough stretches, enabling each of you to get back on track in meeting each other's needs once again.
All couples (married and unmarried) face an enormous challenge: How to stay devoted to one another throughout the life of your relationship, even when early enthusiasm and euphoria naturally wane.
Commitment is a very personal process. Unfortunately, for some it will mean blind dedication to a union that rarely meets their needs, while others eschew commitment and impulsively use the ebb and flow of happiness as the gauge whether to stay or leave. Both of these approaches are flawed. Ideally, commitment will remain in place as happiness comes and goes and your relationship finds its footing along life's shifting terrain.
Commitment checklist:
Commit to ________:
...understanding that love grows and deepens over a lifetime.
...acknowledging that all relationships go through ups and downs.
...continuously working toward a meaningful relationship that will transcend momentary happiness.
...working through problems with your partner (while resisting the temptation to get your needs met outside of the relationship).
...finding solutions that will keep your relationship moving forward.
...compromising (even when you think you're right).
...yourself and the relationship.
Don't commit to ________:
...anything that feels abusive.
...always sacrificing what's most important to you.
...the idea that if your relationship requires hard work it means your relationship is flawed.
...the mindset that it's acceptable for your needs to continuously go unmet.
One of the greatest challenges to commitment lies in the instant-gratification mindset -- the idea that you deserve to have what you want when you want it. The settings to our pleasure barometer have been altered, and humans are less willing to deal with frustrating circumstances or anything that feels like it stands in the way of immediate happiness. This poses a problem for relationships.
When you make decisions about your relationship based solely on the need to feel happy (all the time), you abandon commitment and the rich opportunities that are essential for your relationship to grow.
I invite you to think about what commitment means to you. What you are committing to in your marriage or relationship?
About the Author:
Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.
AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS by Portia Nelson
AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS
by Portia Nelson
CHAPTER I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
CHAPTER II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place
but, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
CHAPTER III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
CHAPTER IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
CHAPTER V
I walk down another street.
THE END
Today take another street!
by Portia Nelson
CHAPTER I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
CHAPTER II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place
but, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
CHAPTER III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
CHAPTER IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
CHAPTER V
I walk down another street.
THE END
Today take another street!
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