Creating Our Own Reality: An Evolutionary Responsibility
"Do you know what hurts the most about a broken heart? Not being able to remember how you felt before."
-- Cassie, from Skins
It was probably fifteen years ago when I first heard the phrase, "We each create our own reality." I'm fairly certain a follower of Jane Robert's "Seth" first spoke it to me, then it was quickly reinforced by a compelling Richard Bach publication. I'm also fairly certain my initial reaction was, "Screw that." Whose wouldn't be? If life is going great, then it's a different story. In that case, of course, I would want to claim some level of responsibility for my success. But what if it isn't? I mean, what if it really isn't going well due to a chronic mental/physical health condition, PTSD, or being victim of some event that was beyond control? At most points in life there falls a darkness so devastating that not only do we not want to feel any connection to its cause, we don't want to connect with it at all. Where do those events fit into creating one's own reality?
It boggled the mind. Having found peace on a shamanic path, a fairly self-governed and ongoing spiritual quest, I just couldn't hear that any harm-filled facet of my past was due to my own creation. To me that's right up there with the concept of original sin, or victim-blaming, both of which subversively imply that it's our fault that we're all damned and if we don't figure out how to get un-damned, that's our fault too. I found no salvation in those age old projections, and I found none in the New Age evangelist gurus who more or less implied the same thing. Better yet, not one of these sages supplied further information on how this self-mastered creation process worked. Indeed, it was a well-kept secret.
Some point down the line the message clarified, stating that our thoughts create our realities. The new edict was backed by references to theories on causality and synchronicity posited by Carl Jung, and even facets of quantum physics relating thought with energy, thus manifestation. I decided to think about being happy. Driving down the road, eating my lunch, doing my job, sitting in staff meetings, and chatting at dinner parties, I thought about being happy. I let the thought of being happy consume me, which by current translation was expressly what the latest APB from the gods said I was supposed to do. But I didn't feel happy. In fact, I started to feel guilty that with all this positive thought I couldn't think myself happy, a fact that left me feeling ...sad. I couldn't figure out why I felt more isolated and down when I was doing the higher consciousness-sanctioned "right thing."
All of that changed when Abraham-Hicks leapt into modern awareness with the Law of Attraction in the early 90s. Essentially the Law of Attraction is, "Like attracts like." Subtly more informed than "We create our own reality," Abraham-Hicks put forward that the internal focus is the outcome. In short, what you feel is what you get.
Finally I understood why I couldn't think myself happy. Trying to talk myself into a state of being that I didn't feel made as much sense as convincing my empty stomach that it wasn't hungry. Talking the mind into a state of being requires more than just commanding it to be so. It requires an inventory of feelings that include already having a sense of the desired state of being. I was telling myself to be something I had no frame of reference to feel. How do you create an outcome for which you have no repertoire of feelings? If someone has always been hungry, how does that person manifest a sensation of fullness and nutritional satisfaction? If a person has always been in poverty, how does that person manifest the secure assuredness of having enough? How was I supposed to manifest happiness when I didn't know what it felt like?
Admittedly, having puzzled that out I didn't immediately jump for joy. No, in fact, I went on to feel terribly guilty about the fact that I couldn't solidly identify swaths of joy and delight in my past. That was the point that I realized I had to start smaller. If I couldn't find eras of pure contentment with my life, then I had to find moments, split second snapshots capturing finer details, splashes of rapture -- being a child sitting in my mother's lap and listening to her sing, roving the county fair and spending all Summer riding bikes all over the county with my cousins, frolicking with my roommates and sister in college, traveling with my lover. Those were the fragile, sheltered moments of happiness that I found. Like my 'thought' experiment, I began taking time throughout the day to remember those moments, specifically to feel the way I felt in those moments. Right away I began to notice that my mood improved, and inside a week I found similar beautiful moments unfolding in my present. By feeling those past joys I was creating happiness in my present.
A hallmark of the shamanic path, whether ancient, indigenous, or modern, is self responsibility. Its center is the ability to deconstruct what is usual, regardless of what "usual" is and observe, experience, and become something Other. In that truth I realize now how harmful those incomplete early messages about creating reality were. Because they couldn't tell me where to focus they taught me to create more of what I didn't want. Even now in this New Age, many such gurus still teach that we are all at fault for the harms that befalls us. In the phrase, "We create our own reality," what most people really hear is, "It's your fault your life is shit, and anything that happened to you to cause you to feel like shit is your fault too." The responsibility of self-creation doesn't lie in analyzing who is at fault for our past, but who is responsible for our present. Only we are. Creating reality is about looking at ourselves differently and being willing to shake it up in favor of something better by reaching into the places we have most hidden from ourselves to do so.
We have one shot at being who we are in this life. Because of that fact, it's not an option to make it the best life we can, but our responsibility.
Kelley Harrell
Neoshaman; author, 'Gift of the Dreamtime'; columnist, 'Intentional Insights'
Showing posts with label law of attraction • relationships • love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label law of attraction • relationships • love. Show all posts
Monday, May 16, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
The Law of Attraction - It's About Frequency
The Law of Attraction - It's About Frequency
Many of us have heard of the Law of Attraction – that like attracts like. However, many are confused about what this really means.
In my experience, like attracts like means that like frequency attracts like frequency. My high frequency attracts the things I want and my low frequency attracts the things I don’t want.
The question then becomes, what raises or lowers frequency?
What Lowers Frequency?
Anything that makes you feel down lowers your frequency. Here is a list of what I have found lowers frequency:
• Intent to control - When your desire is to control your feelings, as well as others and outcomes, you are operating out of your wounded self, which lowers your frequency. Even positive thoughts can lower your frequency when your intent is to control rather than be loving to yourself and others.
• Negative thinking, Resentment, Judgment and Self-Judgment - The lies you tell yourself from your ego wounded self lower your frequency. Feelings of fear, anxiety, depression, anger, guilt, shame, jealousy, and envy all have a low frequency, so any thought that comes from false beliefs and that creates these feelings lowers your frequency.
• Resistance - The fear of being controlled by others, by God, or even by yourself, creates resistance, which lowers the frequency
• Alcohol – While people might convince themselves that they raise their frequency when drinking, this is not true. Just because it may lower your stress, doesn’t mean it raises your frequency.
• Prescription drugs – Since prescription drugs are alien to the body, the body has to work to deal with them, which causes a lowering of frequency.
• Recreational drugs – A few recreational drugs – the kinds of drugs that indigenous people used infrequently to connect with Spirit – can raise your frequency for a short period of time. But frequent use has the opposite effect.
• Food – Fresh, whole organic food has a high frequency, but processed foods have a low frequency and lower the frequency of your body.
• Lack of exercise – Our bodies are meant to move; not moving lowers your frequency.
• Lack of sleep – It is hard to have a high frequency when you don’t get enough sleep.
• Lack of water – Dehydration creates huge stress on the body, which lowers the frequency.
• Negative environment – It is often hard to maintain a positive attitude when in a negative environment. We are affected both positively and negatively by others’ frequency.
What Raises Frequency?
• Intent to learn – Our free will to choose our intent in any given moment is the most powerful choice we have. Choosing to learn about loving ourselves and others, rather than choosing to protect/avoid/control is the major way we have of raising our frequency. This is why, when we think positively from an intent to control, in an attempt to manifest what we want, we are often not successful, as anything done from the intent to control – even positive thinking – lowers the frequency.
• Positive thinking – This might seem like a contradiction to the statement above, but it is about intent. When your intent in thinking positively is to be loving to yourself and support your highest good, this raises your frequency. When your intent in positive thinking is to control others and outcomes, then it lowers your frequency.
• Food – Fresh whole foods that are in alignment with your metabolism and that support your health, raise your frequency.
• Exercise – Exercise that you love and that makes you feel alive raises your frequency. Forcing yourself to do exercise that you don’t like lowers your frequency.
• Getting enough sleep – Sleep is vital for feeling good enough to be open to and connected with yourself, others and your spiritual Guidance. Being disconnected from ourselves lowers our frequency.
• Drinking enough water – Being fully hydrated is vital to keeping your frequency high.
• Being in a peaceful environment – Being in nature, listening to music, and being around loving and accepting people raises your frequency.
• Love – Love and peace are the highest frequency feelings, so being loving to yourself and others, which creates inner peace, raises your frequency.
Like does attract like, so focus on keeping your frequency high and you will manifest your dreams!
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Many of us have heard of the Law of Attraction – that like attracts like. However, many are confused about what this really means.
In my experience, like attracts like means that like frequency attracts like frequency. My high frequency attracts the things I want and my low frequency attracts the things I don’t want.
The question then becomes, what raises or lowers frequency?
What Lowers Frequency?
Anything that makes you feel down lowers your frequency. Here is a list of what I have found lowers frequency:
• Intent to control - When your desire is to control your feelings, as well as others and outcomes, you are operating out of your wounded self, which lowers your frequency. Even positive thoughts can lower your frequency when your intent is to control rather than be loving to yourself and others.
• Negative thinking, Resentment, Judgment and Self-Judgment - The lies you tell yourself from your ego wounded self lower your frequency. Feelings of fear, anxiety, depression, anger, guilt, shame, jealousy, and envy all have a low frequency, so any thought that comes from false beliefs and that creates these feelings lowers your frequency.
• Resistance - The fear of being controlled by others, by God, or even by yourself, creates resistance, which lowers the frequency
• Alcohol – While people might convince themselves that they raise their frequency when drinking, this is not true. Just because it may lower your stress, doesn’t mean it raises your frequency.
• Prescription drugs – Since prescription drugs are alien to the body, the body has to work to deal with them, which causes a lowering of frequency.
• Recreational drugs – A few recreational drugs – the kinds of drugs that indigenous people used infrequently to connect with Spirit – can raise your frequency for a short period of time. But frequent use has the opposite effect.
• Food – Fresh, whole organic food has a high frequency, but processed foods have a low frequency and lower the frequency of your body.
• Lack of exercise – Our bodies are meant to move; not moving lowers your frequency.
• Lack of sleep – It is hard to have a high frequency when you don’t get enough sleep.
• Lack of water – Dehydration creates huge stress on the body, which lowers the frequency.
• Negative environment – It is often hard to maintain a positive attitude when in a negative environment. We are affected both positively and negatively by others’ frequency.
What Raises Frequency?
• Intent to learn – Our free will to choose our intent in any given moment is the most powerful choice we have. Choosing to learn about loving ourselves and others, rather than choosing to protect/avoid/control is the major way we have of raising our frequency. This is why, when we think positively from an intent to control, in an attempt to manifest what we want, we are often not successful, as anything done from the intent to control – even positive thinking – lowers the frequency.
• Positive thinking – This might seem like a contradiction to the statement above, but it is about intent. When your intent in thinking positively is to be loving to yourself and support your highest good, this raises your frequency. When your intent in positive thinking is to control others and outcomes, then it lowers your frequency.
• Food – Fresh whole foods that are in alignment with your metabolism and that support your health, raise your frequency.
• Exercise – Exercise that you love and that makes you feel alive raises your frequency. Forcing yourself to do exercise that you don’t like lowers your frequency.
• Getting enough sleep – Sleep is vital for feeling good enough to be open to and connected with yourself, others and your spiritual Guidance. Being disconnected from ourselves lowers our frequency.
• Drinking enough water – Being fully hydrated is vital to keeping your frequency high.
• Being in a peaceful environment – Being in nature, listening to music, and being around loving and accepting people raises your frequency.
• Love – Love and peace are the highest frequency feelings, so being loving to yourself and others, which creates inner peace, raises your frequency.
Like does attract like, so focus on keeping your frequency high and you will manifest your dreams!
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Being Careful
Being Careful
Tammy Saltzman
“Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dreams." - Lao Tzu
Tip 56 is on Being Careful. Are you someone who tends to be careful and cautious or are you someone that jumps in with both feet and throws caution to the wind? There is a good argument for both perspectives. Webster's New World College Dictionary defines the word careful as follows, "acting or working in a thoughtful, painstaking way; cautious, wary, or guarded." And the word carefree as, "free from troubles or worry." I do believe that there is a time to be careful and a time to be carefree. Feeling carefree is a gift that we should all enjoy whenever we can and it is usually a reward that we get from being careful. Ben Franklin once said, "Distrust and caution are the parents of security." It is only when we feels most secure that we can throw caution to the wind and enjoy a carefree moment.
As a lawyer it is really my job to look for all the things that can go wrong. It is our job as attorneys to let our clients know what is their worst case scenario. We are trained to look at the upside and weight it against the downside. It is our job to make sure that the client knows the worst possible outcome of each decision they make so that they can make an educated decision. I try hard not to be this pessimistic in my real world, but when a client pays you to play the devils advocate it is our ethical responsibility to perform. Ralph Waldo Emerson will remind us, "A man is usually more careful of his money that he is of his principles."
In business we are always cautious. Buying businesses, taking in partners, hiring employees, and securing vendors. It's a risky business out there and checking out the reputation of the people we do business with makes perfect sense. With today's technology everyone's information is just a click away on Google. The Better Business Bureau and Daily Business Review have all their records available on line. Court records and deeds are all public documents that are now available on line at most court houses throughout the United States. When is comes to financial matters we need to be as careful as possible. Not only do we consult our lawyers, but we now consult our CPA's, financial planners, and our estate planners. Unfortunately, no matter how careful we are are many of life's lessons end up costing us money. Do your best to try and learn the expensive lessons from the mistakes of others. Remember this by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, "Every step of life shows much caution is required." I think that is another way of saying the older we get the more jaded we become.
As a parent I am always cautioning my children to be careful. We start when they are very young. Don't touch the stove, look both ways when you cross. Be careful!! We are worried for our children and don't want them to get hurt. Even as adults our parents are worried and still tell us to be careful. Adam's mom Joan just told him to be careful when he told her all about me this past week. I have heard the same advice as well from my well meaning friends and family. Joan doesn't know me and my friends don't know Adam, but everyone says the same thing, "We are so happy for you. Go slow, be careful." When it comes to matters of the heart it is so much harder to be careful. The excitement and the hope take over and just sweep you off your feet. Aren't we all looking for ever lasting love?? Bertrand Russell once said, "Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness." Yet e.e.Cummings reminds us, "Be of love a little more careful than of anything." I would like to think that what he meant was that once you find love be careful with it, preserve it and cherish it so that you don't lose it. Sorry Joan, it's too late - if it doesn't work out it will probably hurt, but if it does work out - G-d bless and thank you Lisa.
“It is better to err on the side of daring than the side of caution." - Alvin Toffler
Tammy Saltzman
“Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dreams." - Lao Tzu
Tip 56 is on Being Careful. Are you someone who tends to be careful and cautious or are you someone that jumps in with both feet and throws caution to the wind? There is a good argument for both perspectives. Webster's New World College Dictionary defines the word careful as follows, "acting or working in a thoughtful, painstaking way; cautious, wary, or guarded." And the word carefree as, "free from troubles or worry." I do believe that there is a time to be careful and a time to be carefree. Feeling carefree is a gift that we should all enjoy whenever we can and it is usually a reward that we get from being careful. Ben Franklin once said, "Distrust and caution are the parents of security." It is only when we feels most secure that we can throw caution to the wind and enjoy a carefree moment.
As a lawyer it is really my job to look for all the things that can go wrong. It is our job as attorneys to let our clients know what is their worst case scenario. We are trained to look at the upside and weight it against the downside. It is our job to make sure that the client knows the worst possible outcome of each decision they make so that they can make an educated decision. I try hard not to be this pessimistic in my real world, but when a client pays you to play the devils advocate it is our ethical responsibility to perform. Ralph Waldo Emerson will remind us, "A man is usually more careful of his money that he is of his principles."
In business we are always cautious. Buying businesses, taking in partners, hiring employees, and securing vendors. It's a risky business out there and checking out the reputation of the people we do business with makes perfect sense. With today's technology everyone's information is just a click away on Google. The Better Business Bureau and Daily Business Review have all their records available on line. Court records and deeds are all public documents that are now available on line at most court houses throughout the United States. When is comes to financial matters we need to be as careful as possible. Not only do we consult our lawyers, but we now consult our CPA's, financial planners, and our estate planners. Unfortunately, no matter how careful we are are many of life's lessons end up costing us money. Do your best to try and learn the expensive lessons from the mistakes of others. Remember this by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, "Every step of life shows much caution is required." I think that is another way of saying the older we get the more jaded we become.
As a parent I am always cautioning my children to be careful. We start when they are very young. Don't touch the stove, look both ways when you cross. Be careful!! We are worried for our children and don't want them to get hurt. Even as adults our parents are worried and still tell us to be careful. Adam's mom Joan just told him to be careful when he told her all about me this past week. I have heard the same advice as well from my well meaning friends and family. Joan doesn't know me and my friends don't know Adam, but everyone says the same thing, "We are so happy for you. Go slow, be careful." When it comes to matters of the heart it is so much harder to be careful. The excitement and the hope take over and just sweep you off your feet. Aren't we all looking for ever lasting love?? Bertrand Russell once said, "Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness." Yet e.e.Cummings reminds us, "Be of love a little more careful than of anything." I would like to think that what he meant was that once you find love be careful with it, preserve it and cherish it so that you don't lose it. Sorry Joan, it's too late - if it doesn't work out it will probably hurt, but if it does work out - G-d bless and thank you Lisa.
“It is better to err on the side of daring than the side of caution." - Alvin Toffler
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
drop 36: the ultimate thermostat
drop 36: the ultimate thermostat
Our own self image, belief, or esteem is just like our heating and cooling thermostats – it’s a cybernetic system. Interesting that in the 1960’s Maxwell Maltz wrote Psycho Cybernetics. I read it then and what struck me was that Maltz was a plastic surgeon and he noted that people with facial disfigurations, when repaired, they still saw themselves as though the disfigurations were still present.
Here is an example of how this works. I’ve chosen children and report cards, yet this works for each of us, no matter what age.
1. We set the thermostat to keep the house warm or cool at 70 degrees.
1. A child's grades over a period of time are average. This is what his report card reflects. This is what his teachers tell him. This is what his parents tell him. His work is average.
2. Someone comes into the house and leaves the front door open in winter.
2. Parents offer incentives for the child to do better and, he is temporarily inspired.
3. Signal goes to furnace to turn it on to bring the temp back to 70.
3. Inspired child works hard with some results for a short period of time.
4. When 70 degrees is restored, signal tells furnace to shut off.
4. Before long the child loses temporary inspiration and goes back to his average behavior.
To change the 'set point' as to what a child believes he can accomplish, it takes spaced repetitive and consistent feeding of information that says the child is better than average. Since most parents are simply unaware of how their own and their child's self esteem is built, they do not even know what they have done to build that image ... nor what they can do to reverse it.
As we are all born with infinite potential, it is a pity to see and hear that a child's image of himself is average (or less than average).
The 'setting' of the image can come in words like "that was stupid," "you weren't thinking," "these are terrible grades," "can't you do any better," "your brother got all A's," and so on and so forth. The more times a child hears these things, the more 'locked in' self image becomes.
Is it true -- that he is average (or that we are)? Of course it is not. But what we believe, is the truth for us. We never outperform our own self image. This is likely THE biggest reason why only a very few people are really successful. If you don't believe you can be, you will not be. I address this very issue specifically in my Think & Grow Rich mastermind studies and in my new program for communities and schools, Style & Mindset.
Wishing you a safe, warm and industrious holiday season with results in the new year that are bigger and better than ever before!
Leslie Flowers
Our own self image, belief, or esteem is just like our heating and cooling thermostats – it’s a cybernetic system. Interesting that in the 1960’s Maxwell Maltz wrote Psycho Cybernetics. I read it then and what struck me was that Maltz was a plastic surgeon and he noted that people with facial disfigurations, when repaired, they still saw themselves as though the disfigurations were still present.
Here is an example of how this works. I’ve chosen children and report cards, yet this works for each of us, no matter what age.
1. We set the thermostat to keep the house warm or cool at 70 degrees.
1. A child's grades over a period of time are average. This is what his report card reflects. This is what his teachers tell him. This is what his parents tell him. His work is average.
2. Someone comes into the house and leaves the front door open in winter.
2. Parents offer incentives for the child to do better and, he is temporarily inspired.
3. Signal goes to furnace to turn it on to bring the temp back to 70.
3. Inspired child works hard with some results for a short period of time.
4. When 70 degrees is restored, signal tells furnace to shut off.
4. Before long the child loses temporary inspiration and goes back to his average behavior.
To change the 'set point' as to what a child believes he can accomplish, it takes spaced repetitive and consistent feeding of information that says the child is better than average. Since most parents are simply unaware of how their own and their child's self esteem is built, they do not even know what they have done to build that image ... nor what they can do to reverse it.
As we are all born with infinite potential, it is a pity to see and hear that a child's image of himself is average (or less than average).
The 'setting' of the image can come in words like "that was stupid," "you weren't thinking," "these are terrible grades," "can't you do any better," "your brother got all A's," and so on and so forth. The more times a child hears these things, the more 'locked in' self image becomes.
Is it true -- that he is average (or that we are)? Of course it is not. But what we believe, is the truth for us. We never outperform our own self image. This is likely THE biggest reason why only a very few people are really successful. If you don't believe you can be, you will not be. I address this very issue specifically in my Think & Grow Rich mastermind studies and in my new program for communities and schools, Style & Mindset.
Wishing you a safe, warm and industrious holiday season with results in the new year that are bigger and better than ever before!
Leslie Flowers
Thursday, August 5, 2010
The Stable Mule
The Stable Mule
Ranchers have a trick to deal with a corral of skittish horses: they place a mule in their midst. Mules are generally more relaxed and laid-back than horses, and they exert a calming influence on high-strung equines.
If you find yourself in the midst of a tense office, family gathering, or traffic jam, you serve yourself and those around you best by being the mule. Do whatever you can to keep yourself peaceful, no matter how crazy the people around you are getting. The person who is least upset is in the best position to recognize creative solutions helpful to everyone. Regardless of what action you take, inner peace is the greatest contribution you can make anywhere, anytime.
You can also apply this principle when you find yourself getting upset. While fearful or chaotic thoughts and feelings may be running rampant within you like spooked horses, you also have a calm mule inside you that can bring a soothing energy to your world if you invite it into the corral. If you start to feel frantic about anything, bring forth your inner mule.
Your life is an interplay of frequencies of experience. You have the power to choose frequencies that match your intentions. Inner peace is not a random event created by outer conditions. It is a purposeful experience created by inner choice.
The pure love of one person can offset the hatred of millions.
— Mahatma Gandhi
Alan Cohen
Ranchers have a trick to deal with a corral of skittish horses: they place a mule in their midst. Mules are generally more relaxed and laid-back than horses, and they exert a calming influence on high-strung equines.
If you find yourself in the midst of a tense office, family gathering, or traffic jam, you serve yourself and those around you best by being the mule. Do whatever you can to keep yourself peaceful, no matter how crazy the people around you are getting. The person who is least upset is in the best position to recognize creative solutions helpful to everyone. Regardless of what action you take, inner peace is the greatest contribution you can make anywhere, anytime.
You can also apply this principle when you find yourself getting upset. While fearful or chaotic thoughts and feelings may be running rampant within you like spooked horses, you also have a calm mule inside you that can bring a soothing energy to your world if you invite it into the corral. If you start to feel frantic about anything, bring forth your inner mule.
Your life is an interplay of frequencies of experience. You have the power to choose frequencies that match your intentions. Inner peace is not a random event created by outer conditions. It is a purposeful experience created by inner choice.
The pure love of one person can offset the hatred of millions.
— Mahatma Gandhi
Alan Cohen
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Develop Your Mental Strength - SAY NO!
Develop Your Mental Strength - SAY NO!
Gus Moonfoot
Mental strength is a quality that most people vaguely aspire to. Not many people think about what it is clearly, though. When we do think about it, we mistakenly think it is just 'will-power.' Mental strength, however, is so much more than forgoing a second chocolate brownie. Mental strength is what enables you to not just to make the difficult choices in life, but to see where the difficult choices lie in the first place. It is a quality that without which we go through life as helpless as a leaf upon a fast-moving stream. You don't want to be a helpless leaf, do you?
How do you develop mental strength? The good news is that we are surrounded by opportunities to do this twenty-four hours a day. Our modern, free society means that not only are we free to make our own decisions, but everyone else is free to bombard us with advertising, marketing, and social pressures as well. The techniques to influence our decisions are so sophisticated now we are often not even aware it is happening. Even a film shown without commercials will be full of subtle product placements that are nearly impossible to register. We are manipulated into spending, eating and consuming more than we want or need. The result, unsurprisingly, is that we are left mentally (as well as perhaps physically) weak and exhausted.
If you are normal, and you spend, eat and consume more than you want or need, here is the first step to recovery: abstain! Not from everything, of course. Start small. Choose one thing. It doesn't really matter what it is. For one person it might mean giving up sugar. For someone else it might mean only having the one slice of cake. Find something appropriate for you, something you would normally indulge in, and then resist. You will find this easiest, and perhaps derive the most benefit, if you chose something that you don't really enjoy much in the first place. You know, that sitcom that you watch that isn't funny, or that fried food you eat that really isn't very tasty. Our lives are full of luxuries we don't actually enjoy, but that we consume only because we are used to consuming them. These are the easiest, and most important things to stop right away!
How is abstaining going to increase your mental strength? Remember, this is more than just an exercise in will-power. This is you making a small, but important, stand against the constant barrage of instructions your brain receives to consume. Choosing to drink Coke over Pepsi is not an act of individualism - it is obeying one marketing message instead of another. Choosing to drink neither is you proving to yourself that you retain the ability to make your own decisions.
Here are some dos and don'ts: Don't abstain to lose weight! Do abstain to prove to yourself that you chose what and when to eat. Don't abstain to make a statement to the world about the excesses of capitalism, consumerism, materialism, etc. You can have those beliefs, but that's not what this is about. This is about making a statement to yourself for yourself. And while I'm on the subject, DON'T TELL ANYONE!! Once you tell someone else, whether you mean to or not, you involve them. You look for their approval, or feel their disapproval. You want them to support you or feel disappointed when they don't. Going down this road will dilute all of the benefit you could receive. Don't think of this as being secretive. This is just a private matter for you alone.
Here's what you will gain: a quiet satisfaction that in at least one small part of your life you are in total control. If developed further, you will find yourself in a much stronger position the next time life throws you one of its inevitable curve balls. Eventually you should be able to enter a dialogue with yourself (okay, technically this is a monologue, but you know what I mean) where you are actively choosing which influences, from which sources, you want to allow into your thoughts. Does that sound like a strange idea? It is not. It's just you being yourself, instead of what other people want you to be.
So go on! Try it! Give something up. In five minutes you can probably write a list of five things in your life you do out of habit, or because everyone else does, that you really don't enjoy that much. Chose one, and even if you only give it up for a day, you will feel more alive than you will have from a lifetime of needless consumption. What have you got to lose?
Gus Moonfoot
Posted from Gus Moonfoot's blog
Gus Moonfoot
Mental strength is a quality that most people vaguely aspire to. Not many people think about what it is clearly, though. When we do think about it, we mistakenly think it is just 'will-power.' Mental strength, however, is so much more than forgoing a second chocolate brownie. Mental strength is what enables you to not just to make the difficult choices in life, but to see where the difficult choices lie in the first place. It is a quality that without which we go through life as helpless as a leaf upon a fast-moving stream. You don't want to be a helpless leaf, do you?
How do you develop mental strength? The good news is that we are surrounded by opportunities to do this twenty-four hours a day. Our modern, free society means that not only are we free to make our own decisions, but everyone else is free to bombard us with advertising, marketing, and social pressures as well. The techniques to influence our decisions are so sophisticated now we are often not even aware it is happening. Even a film shown without commercials will be full of subtle product placements that are nearly impossible to register. We are manipulated into spending, eating and consuming more than we want or need. The result, unsurprisingly, is that we are left mentally (as well as perhaps physically) weak and exhausted.
If you are normal, and you spend, eat and consume more than you want or need, here is the first step to recovery: abstain! Not from everything, of course. Start small. Choose one thing. It doesn't really matter what it is. For one person it might mean giving up sugar. For someone else it might mean only having the one slice of cake. Find something appropriate for you, something you would normally indulge in, and then resist. You will find this easiest, and perhaps derive the most benefit, if you chose something that you don't really enjoy much in the first place. You know, that sitcom that you watch that isn't funny, or that fried food you eat that really isn't very tasty. Our lives are full of luxuries we don't actually enjoy, but that we consume only because we are used to consuming them. These are the easiest, and most important things to stop right away!
How is abstaining going to increase your mental strength? Remember, this is more than just an exercise in will-power. This is you making a small, but important, stand against the constant barrage of instructions your brain receives to consume. Choosing to drink Coke over Pepsi is not an act of individualism - it is obeying one marketing message instead of another. Choosing to drink neither is you proving to yourself that you retain the ability to make your own decisions.
Here are some dos and don'ts: Don't abstain to lose weight! Do abstain to prove to yourself that you chose what and when to eat. Don't abstain to make a statement to the world about the excesses of capitalism, consumerism, materialism, etc. You can have those beliefs, but that's not what this is about. This is about making a statement to yourself for yourself. And while I'm on the subject, DON'T TELL ANYONE!! Once you tell someone else, whether you mean to or not, you involve them. You look for their approval, or feel their disapproval. You want them to support you or feel disappointed when they don't. Going down this road will dilute all of the benefit you could receive. Don't think of this as being secretive. This is just a private matter for you alone.
Here's what you will gain: a quiet satisfaction that in at least one small part of your life you are in total control. If developed further, you will find yourself in a much stronger position the next time life throws you one of its inevitable curve balls. Eventually you should be able to enter a dialogue with yourself (okay, technically this is a monologue, but you know what I mean) where you are actively choosing which influences, from which sources, you want to allow into your thoughts. Does that sound like a strange idea? It is not. It's just you being yourself, instead of what other people want you to be.
So go on! Try it! Give something up. In five minutes you can probably write a list of five things in your life you do out of habit, or because everyone else does, that you really don't enjoy that much. Chose one, and even if you only give it up for a day, you will feel more alive than you will have from a lifetime of needless consumption. What have you got to lose?
Gus Moonfoot
Posted from Gus Moonfoot's blog
Friday, April 30, 2010
Women and Self Esteem
Women and Self Esteem
By Maggie Vlazny, MSW, LCSW
What do you like about yourself? Are you proud of yourself? If these questions make you feel uncomfortable, or you cannot answer them, chances are that you have a problem with self esteem. Why is that? Why do so many of us basically dislike ourselves? Why are we embarrassed to "esteem" ourselves?
Before answering this question, we must first define self-esteem. Self esteem comes from the inside out. It means that a woman is not dependent upon anyone else to make her feel good about herself, because she already knows she's fine just the way she is. She is confident and aware of her strengths and abilities. She wants to share them with others.
This does not mean she is conceited. She is also aware of areas needing work and growth. But that's OK, because she knows she's not perfect, and she doesn't have to be. No one is. She understands that we all have our strengths and weaknesses.
Self-esteem is a core identity issue, essential to personal validation and our ability to experience joy. Once achieved, it comes from the inside out. But it is assaulted or stunted from the outside in. A woman with low self-esteem does not feel good about herself because she has absorbed negative messages about women from the culture and/or relationships.
The reign of youth, beauty and thinness in our society dooms every woman to eventual failure. Womens magazines, starting with the teenage market, program them to focus all their efforts on their appearance. Many girls learn, by age 12, to drop formerly enjoyable activities in favor of the beauty treadmill leading to nowhere. They become fanatical about diets. They munch, like rabbits, on leaves without salad dressing, jog in ice storms, and swear they love it! Ads abound for cosmetic surgery, enticing us to "repair" our aging bodies, as if the natural process of aging were an accident or a disease. Yet with all this effort, they still never feel like they are good enough.
How can they? Magazine models are airbrushed to perfection, and anorexic. "Beautiful" movie stars are whipped into perfect shape by personal trainers, and use surgery to create an unnatural cultural ideal. But youth cannot last. It is not meant to. If women buy into this image of beauty, then the best an older woman can strive for is looking "good for her age" or worse yet, "well preserved". Mummies are well preserved. Mummies are also dead.
Abusive experiences join with cultural messages to assault female self esteem. Abuse is pervasive and cuts across all socioeconomic lines. It invariably sends the message that the victim is worthless. Many, many women have told me that verbal abuse has hurt them far more than any physical act. As one woman put it, "his words scarred my soul". Women whose abuse started as children have the most fragile sense of identity and self worth.
Poor self esteem often results in depression and anxiety. Physical health suffers as well. Many times, women with this problem don't go for regular checkups, exercise, or take personal days because they really don't think they're worth the time.
Relationships are impacted as well. Their needs are not met by their partner because they feel like they don't deserve to have them met, or are uncomfortable asking. Their relationships with children can suffer if they are unable to discipline effectively, set limits, or demand the respect they deserve. Worse yet, low self-esteem passes from mother to daughter.The mother is modeling what a woman is. She is also modeling, for her sons, what a wife is.
In the workplace, women with low self-esteem tend to be self-deprecating, to minimize their accomplishments, or let others take credit for their work. They never move up. Finally, with friends, they are unable to say no. They end up doing favors they don't want to do, or have any time for. They end up going where they don't want to go, with people they don't want to go with! A woman with low self-esteem has no control over her life. But that can change. These women can get help and emotional healing.
It is critical to remember that no one deserves to be abused. If something bad has happened to you, it does not mean there is something wrong with you. The responsibility for the abuse lies with the person who chooses to hurt you. If you are presently being abused, you must put yours and your children safety first. If you think you are in danger, you can call your state domestic violence hotline number. NJ STATEWIDE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE 1-800-572-7233.
You can choose your own identity. You can discard the popular cultural image and replace it with something real. As I read someplace once, "We are bound by our fate only as long as we accept the values that determine it."
Nobody is perfect, but everyone is worthwhile. Believe in yourself.
By Maggie Vlazny, MSW, LCSW
What do you like about yourself? Are you proud of yourself? If these questions make you feel uncomfortable, or you cannot answer them, chances are that you have a problem with self esteem. Why is that? Why do so many of us basically dislike ourselves? Why are we embarrassed to "esteem" ourselves?
Before answering this question, we must first define self-esteem. Self esteem comes from the inside out. It means that a woman is not dependent upon anyone else to make her feel good about herself, because she already knows she's fine just the way she is. She is confident and aware of her strengths and abilities. She wants to share them with others.
This does not mean she is conceited. She is also aware of areas needing work and growth. But that's OK, because she knows she's not perfect, and she doesn't have to be. No one is. She understands that we all have our strengths and weaknesses.
Self-esteem is a core identity issue, essential to personal validation and our ability to experience joy. Once achieved, it comes from the inside out. But it is assaulted or stunted from the outside in. A woman with low self-esteem does not feel good about herself because she has absorbed negative messages about women from the culture and/or relationships.
The reign of youth, beauty and thinness in our society dooms every woman to eventual failure. Womens magazines, starting with the teenage market, program them to focus all their efforts on their appearance. Many girls learn, by age 12, to drop formerly enjoyable activities in favor of the beauty treadmill leading to nowhere. They become fanatical about diets. They munch, like rabbits, on leaves without salad dressing, jog in ice storms, and swear they love it! Ads abound for cosmetic surgery, enticing us to "repair" our aging bodies, as if the natural process of aging were an accident or a disease. Yet with all this effort, they still never feel like they are good enough.
How can they? Magazine models are airbrushed to perfection, and anorexic. "Beautiful" movie stars are whipped into perfect shape by personal trainers, and use surgery to create an unnatural cultural ideal. But youth cannot last. It is not meant to. If women buy into this image of beauty, then the best an older woman can strive for is looking "good for her age" or worse yet, "well preserved". Mummies are well preserved. Mummies are also dead.
Abusive experiences join with cultural messages to assault female self esteem. Abuse is pervasive and cuts across all socioeconomic lines. It invariably sends the message that the victim is worthless. Many, many women have told me that verbal abuse has hurt them far more than any physical act. As one woman put it, "his words scarred my soul". Women whose abuse started as children have the most fragile sense of identity and self worth.
Poor self esteem often results in depression and anxiety. Physical health suffers as well. Many times, women with this problem don't go for regular checkups, exercise, or take personal days because they really don't think they're worth the time.
Relationships are impacted as well. Their needs are not met by their partner because they feel like they don't deserve to have them met, or are uncomfortable asking. Their relationships with children can suffer if they are unable to discipline effectively, set limits, or demand the respect they deserve. Worse yet, low self-esteem passes from mother to daughter.The mother is modeling what a woman is. She is also modeling, for her sons, what a wife is.
In the workplace, women with low self-esteem tend to be self-deprecating, to minimize their accomplishments, or let others take credit for their work. They never move up. Finally, with friends, they are unable to say no. They end up doing favors they don't want to do, or have any time for. They end up going where they don't want to go, with people they don't want to go with! A woman with low self-esteem has no control over her life. But that can change. These women can get help and emotional healing.
It is critical to remember that no one deserves to be abused. If something bad has happened to you, it does not mean there is something wrong with you. The responsibility for the abuse lies with the person who chooses to hurt you. If you are presently being abused, you must put yours and your children safety first. If you think you are in danger, you can call your state domestic violence hotline number. NJ STATEWIDE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE 1-800-572-7233.
You can choose your own identity. You can discard the popular cultural image and replace it with something real. As I read someplace once, "We are bound by our fate only as long as we accept the values that determine it."
Nobody is perfect, but everyone is worthwhile. Believe in yourself.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Happiness by W. Beran Wolfe & Lisa Coffey
Happiness by W. Beran Wolfe & Lisa Coffey
"If you observe a really happy man, you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, growing double dahlias or looking for dinosaur eggs in the Gobi Desert. He will not be searching for happiness as if it were a collar button that had rolled under the radiator, striving for it as a goal in itself. He will have become aware that he is happy in the course of living life twenty-four crowded hours of each day."
-W. Beran Wolfe
Of course, happiness is something that we all want for ourselves and those we love. But happiness is not something that we can pursue. Happiness is something that finds us! When we are expressing ourselves, living a life filled with love, we can't help but feel the happiness that is always around us.
-Lissa Coffey
"If you observe a really happy man, you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, growing double dahlias or looking for dinosaur eggs in the Gobi Desert. He will not be searching for happiness as if it were a collar button that had rolled under the radiator, striving for it as a goal in itself. He will have become aware that he is happy in the course of living life twenty-four crowded hours of each day."
-W. Beran Wolfe
Of course, happiness is something that we all want for ourselves and those we love. But happiness is not something that we can pursue. Happiness is something that finds us! When we are expressing ourselves, living a life filled with love, we can't help but feel the happiness that is always around us.
-Lissa Coffey
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
THE MAGIC OF JOYFUL RELATIONSHIPS by Kate Corbin
THE MAGIC OF JOYFUL RELATIONSHIPS
"Shower the people you love with love."
- James Taylor
As most of us have experienced, relationships can bring us our greatest joys as well as our deepest sorrows. Relationships are such an integral part of our lives that the quality of our relationships often determines the overall quality of our lives.
How, then, can we experience relationships that lift us up rather than drag us down? By exposing limiting beliefs and replacing them with empowering beliefs, we can all experience the Magic of Joyful Relationships. To consciously create the happy, healthy relationships we desire, let's start by taking a look at:
WHAT DOES NOT CREATE JOYFUL RELATIONSHIPS:
- Blaming and Complaining. The more we focus on the unwanted aspects of others, the more unwanted aspects we elicit from them.Ouch!
- Expecting Others to Make Us Happy. When our happiness or unhappiness is dependent on the behavior of others, we give away both our power and our freedom. :-(
- Trying to Change / Fix / Control Others. If we need others to change so that we can feel good, we are definitely looking for happiness in all the wrong places.
There's got to be a better way.
WHAT DOES CREATE JOYFUL RELATIONSHIPS:
- Feel Good First. Being independently happy and determined to keep our own vibration high is the perfect platform for creating great relationships. As we know from Law of Attraction, feeling good IS the most important thing.
- Self-Love First. If we want others to love, value, and appreciate us, we must love, value, and appreciate ourselves first. Period.
- Source First. When we tend to our primary relationship with our Inner Being / Source / God, then all our other relationships will be harmonious.
- Think and Thank. As we think of things we appreciate about others and express that appreciation often, we deepen and sweeten our connection with them.
- Look for Positive Aspects. When we focus on the positive qualities of others, they will display more of their positive qualities, at least with us! :-) It helps to remember this: At their core, EVERYONE is Pure, Positive Energy.
- Tell a New Story. We can free ourselves from past hurts and painful memories by talking about relationships the way we want them to be. We can get unstuck by telling a new, improved story, such as: All my relationships are joyful!
Now that we've shined a light on the major factors behind relationship woes and relationship bliss, let's turn our attention to what Law of Attraction considers the key to manifesting wonderfully harmonious relationships:
DIRECTING OUR THOUGHTS
Although we have no real control over what others are doing, we have complete control over our own thoughts and, happily, that is all we need. Our thoughts determine who we attract into our lives and our thoughts determine how these people behave once they get there.
Good relationships are creations. As we direct our thoughts exclusively and consistently toward what we DO WANT in relationships, we begin consciously and deliberately creating the relationships of our dreams.
As we maintain a strong connection with Source, love ourselves and others, appreciate rather than judge, live our lives as we see fit and let others do the same, accept full responsibility for our own happiness, feel as good as we can in every moment, and direct the power of our thoughts toward the positive aspects of others, we are applying the Law of Attraction to create delightful, delicious relationships. When we do these things, we are sure to experience the Magic of Joyful Relationships.
Kate Corbin
"Shower the people you love with love."
- James Taylor
As most of us have experienced, relationships can bring us our greatest joys as well as our deepest sorrows. Relationships are such an integral part of our lives that the quality of our relationships often determines the overall quality of our lives.
How, then, can we experience relationships that lift us up rather than drag us down? By exposing limiting beliefs and replacing them with empowering beliefs, we can all experience the Magic of Joyful Relationships. To consciously create the happy, healthy relationships we desire, let's start by taking a look at:
WHAT DOES NOT CREATE JOYFUL RELATIONSHIPS:
- Blaming and Complaining. The more we focus on the unwanted aspects of others, the more unwanted aspects we elicit from them.Ouch!
- Expecting Others to Make Us Happy. When our happiness or unhappiness is dependent on the behavior of others, we give away both our power and our freedom. :-(
- Trying to Change / Fix / Control Others. If we need others to change so that we can feel good, we are definitely looking for happiness in all the wrong places.
There's got to be a better way.
WHAT DOES CREATE JOYFUL RELATIONSHIPS:
- Feel Good First. Being independently happy and determined to keep our own vibration high is the perfect platform for creating great relationships. As we know from Law of Attraction, feeling good IS the most important thing.
- Self-Love First. If we want others to love, value, and appreciate us, we must love, value, and appreciate ourselves first. Period.
- Source First. When we tend to our primary relationship with our Inner Being / Source / God, then all our other relationships will be harmonious.
- Think and Thank. As we think of things we appreciate about others and express that appreciation often, we deepen and sweeten our connection with them.
- Look for Positive Aspects. When we focus on the positive qualities of others, they will display more of their positive qualities, at least with us! :-) It helps to remember this: At their core, EVERYONE is Pure, Positive Energy.
- Tell a New Story. We can free ourselves from past hurts and painful memories by talking about relationships the way we want them to be. We can get unstuck by telling a new, improved story, such as: All my relationships are joyful!
Now that we've shined a light on the major factors behind relationship woes and relationship bliss, let's turn our attention to what Law of Attraction considers the key to manifesting wonderfully harmonious relationships:
DIRECTING OUR THOUGHTS
Although we have no real control over what others are doing, we have complete control over our own thoughts and, happily, that is all we need. Our thoughts determine who we attract into our lives and our thoughts determine how these people behave once they get there.
Good relationships are creations. As we direct our thoughts exclusively and consistently toward what we DO WANT in relationships, we begin consciously and deliberately creating the relationships of our dreams.
As we maintain a strong connection with Source, love ourselves and others, appreciate rather than judge, live our lives as we see fit and let others do the same, accept full responsibility for our own happiness, feel as good as we can in every moment, and direct the power of our thoughts toward the positive aspects of others, we are applying the Law of Attraction to create delightful, delicious relationships. When we do these things, we are sure to experience the Magic of Joyful Relationships.
Kate Corbin
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Pasco couple learns secret of flower deliveries
Saturday, Dec. 12, 2009
Pasco couple learns secret of flower deliveries
By Pratik Joshi, Herald staff writer
Imagine getting flowers with a note to brighten your day, week after week, not knowing who sent them.
When Sandra Spivey of Pasco got a beautiful flower arrangement for the first time on May 15, she and her husband Bob thought the blossoms were from a relative or friend.
When another bouquet came the next Friday, the couple started calling family from Alaska to Hawaii to Nebraska to personally thank them.
Sandra Spivey, who has been battling cancer for two years, was emotionally touched and surprised by the flowers.
So when the Lucky Flowers delivery truck pulled up again May 29, Bob Spivey called the Pasco flower shop to do some sleuthing.
"They wouldn't tell me who was sending the flowers," he said.
He told a store employee that he would be content if he could find out which state the unknown benefactor lived in.
The Hanford worker said he was put on hold for a long time before an employee revealed the bouquets came courtesy of the flower store.
Bob Spivey had once gone to the store to buy flowers for his sister who had lost her husband to cancer, and he ended up sharing his wife's story.
What he didn't know was that his story touched a chord with Melissa Behen, co-owner of the Road 68 business.
A few years ago, Behen sent flowers to her best friend's mother-in-law in North Carolina. She had cancer and Behen wanted to cheer her up.
Behen said she wanted to do the same again.
So she looked up the Spiveys' address and made sure fresh arrangements were delivered there each Friday.
It's a small gesture that can brighten somebody's day, she said.
When Bob Spivey found out, he thanked her. "He even brought apple cider for us. Tipped our driver and ordered us a pizza," Behen said.
"Bob wanted to let them know they could stop," said Sandra Spivey, a Richland school teacher who wants to go back to work in February after finishing chemotherapy.
But the flowers kept coming, she said. Each time, it's a different and unique arrangement, she said, adding it makes them feel special.
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