Quiz: The 36 Questions That Lead to Love

Hello, I found this article interesting, in addition to those who are seeking a relationship and those whose fire needs rekindled ... What's your thoughts? Love to hear from you! -Glenda

www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html

By DANIEL JONES

In Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” she refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions. 

The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one.

The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote the study’s authors, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue.

The final task Ms. Catron and her friend try — staring into each other’s eyes for four minutes — is less well documented, with the suggested duration ranging from two minutes to four. But Ms. Catron was unequivocal in her recommendation. “Two minutes is just enough to be terrified,” she told me. “Four really goes somewhere.”

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen

 

Top 10 List For A Happier And Healthier 2013 For HSPs

Highly sensitive people often have trouble taking care of themselves and seeing themselves as valuable. Usually it is because they have been taught that being sensitive makes them defective. It is important to realize that being sensitive is not a defect but a gift. When you do you can see yourself and your life in a more positive light then you can move on to taking care of yourself and your relationships in a more empowered way.

 
Top 10 List For A Happier And Healthier 2013 For HSPs

by jhallowes

Read more: http://www.hsphealth.com/blog/2013/01/top-10-list-for-a-happier-2013/#ixzz2LC3fAnkE

PARTNERSHIP

Today more couples than ever identify as life partners. The term points to the fact that your significant other shares a proportional part of your life. They are not your whole life, otherwise the bond might be called wholenership rather than partnership! In relationship, we share part of our lives, we share part of our day. We each do our part. Intimate sharing is reciprocal, appropriate and measured. To know and be known doesn't mean sharing everything there is to know. In fact, too much information can easily overwhelm a relationship as much as not enough sharing causes emotional distance. Taking part is both quantitative and qualitative -- it involves real time spent together in a healthy way. You might have experienced unhealthy models of 'being part of' a relationship in the past, such as in your family of origin. Sometimes parents didn't do their part, or they didn't allow anyone else's part. What was your model for being part of something, for being in a partnership? What is your ideal partnership today, and how do you communicate your innermost relational values?

CHS Meditations (Alexandra Katehakis, MFT, CST, CSAT / Tom Bliss)  chsmeditations@gmail.com

The 100/0 Principle

An Excerpt from
The 100/0 Principle
by Al Ritter

What is the most effective way to create and sustain great relationships with others? It's The 100/0 Principle: You take full responsibility (the 100) for the relationship, expecting nothing (the 0) in return.

Implementing The 100/0 Principle is not natural for most of us. It takes real commitment to the relationship and a good dose of self-discipline to think, act and give 100 percent.

The 100/0 Principle applies to those people in your life where the relationships are too important to react automatically or judgmentally. Each of us must determine the relationships to which this principle should apply. For most of us, it applies to work associates, customers, suppliers, family and friends.

STEP 1 - Determine what you can do to make the relationship work...then do it. Demonstrate respect and kindness to the other person, whether he/she deserves it or not.

STEP 2 - Do not expect anything in return. Zero, zip, nada.

STEP 3 - Do not allow anything the other person says or does (no matter how annoying!) to affect you. In other words, don't take the bait.

STEP 4 - Be persistent with your graciousness and kindness. Often we give up too soon, especially when others don't respond in kind. Remember to expect nothing in return.

At times (usually few), the relationship can remain challenging, even toxic, despite your 100 percent commitment and self-discipline. When this occurs, you need to avoid being the "Knower" and shift to being the "Learner." Avoid Knower statements/ thoughts like "that won't work," "I'm right, you are wrong," "I know it and you don't," "I'll teach you," "that's just the way it is," "I need to tell you what I know," etc.

Instead use Learner statements/thoughts like "Let me find out what is going on and try to understand the situation," "I could be wrong," "I wonder if there is anything of value here," "I wonder if..." etc. In other words, as a Learner, be curious!

Principle Paradox

This may strike you as strange, but here's the paradox: When you take authentic responsibility for a relationship, more often than not the other person quickly chooses to take responsibility as well. Consequently, the 100/0 relationship quickly transforms into something approaching 100/100. When that occurs, true breakthroughs happen for the individuals involved, their teams, their organizations and their families.

How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship

How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship

Several years ago Pat Love Ed.D. and Sunny Shulkin Ph.D., two Imago trainers and therapists, published a book titled How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship. Below is part of their list of some behaviors they identify which can, indeed, ruin a relationship:

• Control everything and everyone
• Never take the blame yourself; instead, make your partner wrong
• Make it a habit to spend more money than you have
• Win every fight, even the ones you couldn’t care less about
• Keep score
• Use threat often
• Find your partner’s weak spot and use it against him/her
• When your partner tries to please you, find fault with their efforts
• Hold fast to the belief: “If you loved me you would know what I want”
• Demand your partner remain faithful but refuse to meet his or her sexual needs
• Use silence as a weapon
• Pretend that you don’t hear
• When your partner tries to apologize, bring up more complaints
• Refuse to give information
• When you realize you haven’t given your partner some important info, insist that you did
• Claim to be the only one interested in the relationship
• Never ask for help
• Confide only in friends
• Take it personally when your partner wants time alone
• Discount your partner’s physical complaints
• Give advice where it isn’t welcome
• Never pick up after yourself
• Refuse to seek help for your depression
• Refuse to talk
• Focus on changing your partner
• Focus all your needs on sex
• Take all problems as further proof that the relationship will not work
• Put your friends before your partner
• Keep romantic gestures to a minimum
• Focus on your partner’s faults and deny your own
• Let days go by without a kind word or loving gesture
• Practice verbal abuse
• Do not listen to your partner’s ideas or suggestions
• Ask your partner to share feelings and when s/he does, EXPLODE
• Start conversations when your partner is busy, or better yet, exhausted
• Let disagreements fester
• Say what you think your partner wants to hear, then do as you please

Brush with Greatness by Alan Cohen

Brush with Greatness

by Alan Cohen

www.alancohen.com


One evening when I picked up my voicemail. I heard a message from my friend Kinnie, who works as a massage therapist at a luxury hotel: “Call me ― I have to tell you about my brush with greatness.”

I phoned Kinnie immediately and asked what had happened. “I massaged Dustin Hoffman today,” she reported proudly.

Well, that was cool. Yet something bothered me about her phraseology, “My brush with greatness.”

“Dustin Hoffman is a great actor,” I told her. “But when you say, ‘my brush with greatness,’ it sounds as if he is great and you are not, and you were lucky to touch greatness for a moment. In my opinion you are just as great as him. You are an outstanding massage therapist and an awesome person. It saddened me to hear you portray yourself as less than him. Who knows, maybe after his massage he phoned a friend and reported, “Let me tell you about my brush with greatness . . .”

Kinnie thanked me for my affirmation of her worth. Yet the lesson goes far beyond that one encounter. We have all have been taught that greatness lives outside of us and we need to rub up against it or import it so we can become great. That’s exactly the opposite of how true greatness operates. Magnificence resides within all of us, and we need but tap into it and bring it forth. We don’t need to brush with greatness; we need to simply brush from greatness.”

We give our power away when we bestow exalted attributes upon people we worship, at the expense of recognizing our own. Former child star Shirley Temple Black recounts, “I gave up believing in Santa Claus when I was six. When my mom took me to see him, he asked for my autograph.” You can imagine the child running to be validated by the god of all children, only to find the god dashing to be validated by the star he adored. While we seek approval from the outside world, if we do not respect ourselves, the gifts bestowed by others fall on barren soil. Rather than importing affirmation from those we adore, we need to claim the good we seek right where we stand. Then we can appreciate and celebrate others’ magnificence side by side with our own.

You cannot acquire greatness by association; you can recognize it only by identity. People who habitually name-drop or flaunt photos of themselves with famous people do not appreciate their inherent worth. It’s not who you know that counts; it’s who you are. When you stand firmly and unapologetically in your own dignity, you attract powerful and worthy comrades. They are drawn to you magnetically, and your conversations are not about what you can get from them, but what you can co-create.

People who brush from greatness, not toward it, are simultaneously humble and powerful. They recognize that the talent that flows through them is seeded from a Source far grander than their ego. When a reporter asked twelve-year-old tennis sensation Jennifer Capriotti, “Do you intend to be the next Chris Evert?” she answered, “No, I intend to be the first Jennifer Capriotti.” Ten-year-old art prodigy Alexandra Nashita, called “the next Picasso,” affirmed, “The difference between me and others is that I am willing to do what I am good at.” Mozart put it this way: “It is when I am, as it were, completely myself, entirely alone, and of good cheer . . . that ideas flow best and most abundantly. Whence and how they come, I know not, nor can I force them.”

Many years ago while Ram Dass was under the influence of mind-altering substances at the Newport Jazz Festival, he found his way backstage. There he noticed a hole in the tent and decided to peer out of it. To his surprise, he saw another eye looking back at his. The other eye had obviously ingested similar substances, and the two eyes just stared at each other for a long, long time. Finally a voice accompanying the other eye spoke from outside the tent: “Wanna get in?” The irony, of course, was that Ram Dass already thought he was in. Yet the other guy perceived himself as in. So “inside” and “outside” are relative indeed!

In high school I envied student body president Dick Brown, who was good-looking and popular, offered everyone a smile and kind word, and had a cheerleader girlfriend. I liked Dick but envied him for being in the in-crowd ― actually its leader. By contrast, I judged myself as a less-than, dithering on the outskirts of coolness.

Years later I bumped into Dick and we hashed over high school days. I confessed that I envied him for being in the in-crowd. He laughed and told me, “That’s weird ― I always thought you were the in-crowd and I was out. I envied you.”

How powerfully we upgrade all of our relationships as we let go of seeking external validation, and recognize that the only in-crowd worth penetrating is the one that lives inside us. There and only there will we find the artist’s hand that brushes with greatness.

156 Countries Sing Together for the Starbucks Love Project

A Professor's Lesson 30 Years Ago

A Professor's Lesson 30 Years Ago

--posted by amosjwaner

One winter semester during college in upstate New York., I took an 8 AM history class to fulfill a requirement. It was hard to get up for that class, but about 15 of us met 3 times a week to brave the cold winds and trudge to that lecture in a nondescript classroom.

The professor for the class was an odd fellow. He had flaming red hair, usually looking slept on, and wore galoshes with one pantleg in and one out. He would creep shyly into the room wearing his hooded winter coat , once not even removing the hood during the lecture. He was terribly ill at ease with the class and clutched the lecture barely looking up at all through his gold rimmed glasses at his students.

I felt that I needed to do something to stem the boredom that woud ensue in his lecture, so I created a little game for myself. I would vow to find something in his lecture to ask him an intelligent question about, forcing me to pay attention rather than letting my eyes close. The first time I raised my hand, you could tell he was surprised and a little reluctant to find out what I wanted. But he was obviously pleased to have a question to answer. In fact, his answers were always interesting.

I continued to do this every day of the course and found myself actually enjoying the material. The professor seemed to become a bit more relaxed and some of the other students even joined in from time to time. My little game had saved me from being bored, as it was designed to do. And, I learned quite a bit about ancient world history in the bargain. The professor obviously knew his material, but had a hard time passing it on to undergraduates in an interesting way. For all of his odd appearance, he was indeed quite an expert in his field.

But the real lesson I was to learn had yet to happen. On the last day of class we gathered our books and headed out the door for the last time. The shy, red-haired professor stepped directly in front of me, with obvious effort, as I reached the door and put out his hand. He said, "I want to thank you for making this class so interesting," as he shook my hand vigorously and smiled for the first time. I was so surprised. To me, it had been a pleasant way to pass the time in an elective. I had no idea that all of my question asking had any effect on him or the others at all.

That moment has stayed with me for 30 years. Each of us, through the things we say and do, the kindnesses we can freely offer, can have a profound effect not just on our own experiences, but those of others. I don't recall the facts I learned in his class, but I'll never forget the professor who taught me a lesson about the power of acts of kindness, intended or not.

A Professor's Lesson 30 Years Ago--posted by amosjwaner
Daily Good

Should You Trade Up? by Michael Webb

o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~



SECRETS OF BLISSFUL RELATIONSHIPS


Should You Trade Up?

by Michael Webb
Author, 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships order today at:
http://www.TheRomantic.com/50secrets.htm


Athena and I have never had a car payment. Our current vehicles
are 6 years old and our previous car was a 13 year old Honda Civic
that ran just fine until the final few months.

When our Honda Civic was getting up in age (and didn't look so
shiny) we have had friends and family ask us point blank "when are
you going to get a new car" and tell us "certainly you can afford
something new". Yes, we can afford just about any car that we
could possibly desire. But no, we don't have any plans on trading
in our perfectly fine Honda for something new(er) simply to impress
others. Yes, when safety or reliability become a factor, we'll be
shopping for something else.

I find it curious, but not surprising that every person who has
suggested that we upgrade our car has been divorced at least once.

Back in 1988 Diamond Cutters International conducted a poll asking
women if they would ever consider trading in their engagement ring
for a bigger, better diamond. 46% of the respondents said yes.

Fifteen years later, these same women have been polled again.
Of those who were willing to trade up, 81% are now divorced.
And what about those sentimental ladies who would never trade in
their original ring? 78% are still married.

Are you the type of person who wants a new car every few years and
sees each raise as an opportunity to move to a bigger house? Are you
easily bored with the latest gadget you bought just a year ago?
Do you always have to have the best television among your peers?
If so, studies have shown that you have a much greater chance of
being tempted to "trade-up" spouses too.

Learn to appreciate what you have and don't be so quick to want to
get the latest model. Otherwise it might REALLY cost you.

Fast Food Love by Michael Webb

Fast Food Love
by Michael Webb Author, 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships order
today at: http://www.TheRomantic.com/50secrets.htm

I read a news story a few weeks ago about a school that bucked
the system and tossed out the pizzas and french fries and other
kid-friendly food from its cafeteria and reintroduced healthy meals
that faded away over the last few decades.

At first, there was a big uproar. The kids wanted their fast
food back and others were worried about the significant increase
in cost for the home made, healthy food they were now serving in
the cafeteria. But something miraculous happened.

The kids now behave. The hallways aren't frantic. Even the teachers
are happy.

The school used to be out of control. Kids packed
weapons. Discipline problems swamped the principal's office.
But not since 1997.

Since then there have been zero expulsions, no suicides, not one
person caught doing drugs or carrying weapons. The fake food in
the cafeteria was replaced with real food and the vending machines
were carted away. And what a difference it made.

When kids are healthy their attitudes and dispositions change.

Now let's talk about love. Over the last few decades we've slowly
introduced so much fake love into our relationship diet that it has
now become the staple for many couples. Most people don't even
know what real, healthy love is these days. We no longer have
the patience to build love from scratch. We want fast-food love.
It's instantly gratifying even though it might make us sick in the
long run. Men and women don't want a courtship. They want to jump
straight from infatuation to intimacy. And we've got a lot of sick
relationships as a result.

While there is *some* nutrition in fast food, if it is your steady
diet, you are bound to suffer in the future.

Here are some examples of fast-food love: • Expensive gifts •
Quick physical intimacy • Flirting • Time together in silence
(like watching movies) • Dreaming about fantasies • Infatuation
("loving" someone you don't *really* know yet)

Healthy, nutritious love: • Serving each other • Sacrificing for
one another • Little gifts, just because • Regular, meaningful
conversations • Long physical intimacy with your spouse •
Planning together for the future • Commitment to someone you
really know

Is it any coincidence that as we introduce more and more fast-food
love into our relationships that they become more and more unhealthy
and the divorce rate keeps climbing?

Consider your own relationship. What does your diet look like? Maybe
its time to cut back on the fast-food love and start introducing
more healthy forms on love into your relationship (or get out of a
relationship that does not have healthy love). Yes, it takes more
time and energy, but the results are well worth it. And don't forget
that your real diet has a direct impact on your relationships just
as we saw what happened to the school children. Maybe its time to
start eating healthy too.

"Blame" -- TUT... A Note from the Universe

Without "blame," at least 50% of all grounded relationships would have continued sailing.

And I'm all for sailing.

Your first mate,
The Universe

Not that "fault" doesn't exist .... but blame throws the whole thing out of context.

Thoughts become things... choose the good ones! ®
© www.tut.com ®

I love you but I don't live for you by Abraham-Hicks

I love you but I don't live for you by Abraham-Hicks

And it is nice to have a human friend who holds you as their object of attention and adores you right into your connection. But we want you to experience greater independence than that. We want you to say to your lovers, "I love you, but I don't live for you. Because Source Energy flows through me. You are a catalyst to my well-being, but you are not essential to my well-being. Because I've got that figured out on my own. I have reached for thoughts that give me relief and I have relieved myself all the way into my full connection of who I really am. And now we can just dance and play together."

Can you feel how you take them off the hook?

In other words, do you know how many lovers would flock to you? ALL OF THEM! if they knew that you would allow them to be as they are and you would not hold them responsible for your happiness.

That's what everyone wants.

How much bondage is there in believing that your happiness depends on me, so I've got to figure out what you want, and stand on my head in all those different ways, and it's not even possible!

The greatest gift you can give anyone is to be happy.

And we will take that further. The greatest gift you can give to any partner, past, present or future is to be so connected with who you truly are that they are irrelevant to your connection.

And when they are irrelevant to your connection, then you are going to have
a really good time together.

Abraham-Hicks
San Diego 2/7/04B

Commitment: The Essential Ingredient In Your Relationship - By Dr. Richard Nicastro

Commitment: The Essential Ingredient In Your Relationship - By Dr. Richard Nicastro

Anyone who has run a marathon knows about commitment. To compete, the athlete relies on extensive training and physical fitness. But when the initial enthusiasm wanes and the painful, long-distance realities grip the runner's body, it is sheer dedication -- commitment to completing what she started -- that sustains the runner's motivation as she reaches for the finish line.

A relationship is a lot like running a marathon. There are highs and lows, challenges and rewards, and times when you may want to give up -- when it feels too difficult to continue. What will keep you on track and moving forward when your relationship hits the inevitable rough patch? Will love be enough?

Commitment: Your relationship lifeline

Commitment is a belief in relationship permanence and the understanding that at times your union will need a life-jacket to stay afloat.

When you and your partner are committed to the relationship, the union remains more important then your (and your partner's) individual needs. Without mutual commitment, deep trust will never take root and intimacy will wither. When one person's commitment is tenuous, the very fabric of the relationship is weakened. A lack of commitment reduces the buffer that holds relationships together during times of conflict and stress. Imagine living with the fear that periodic slumps in your relationship can cause your partner to bail.

Trust and deep intimacy will only grow in the soil of commitment.

Commitment has a dual role in your relationship. You can view commitment as the vehicle to help deepen your love, and you can also view it as a safety net of sorts, a way to protect your marriage or relationship during the difficult periods that each and every relationship experiences.

Commitment allows love and intimacy to mature over time. Someone who ends a relationship because the excitement of new love has diminished misses out on the opportunities that relationships bring for individual and mutual growth.

Some erroneously believe that a commitment like "till death do us part" means foolishly locking yourself into a lifetime of potential unhappiness. No one should commit to a relationship that cannot meet their needs. Your needs (and your partner's needs) do matter and should be part of the overall commitment equation. But life and relationships are complicated, and there will be stretches of time when your partner does not meet your needs (and you will not meet your partner's needs). Commitment is what will get you through those rough stretches, enabling each of you to get back on track in meeting each other's needs once again.

All couples (married and unmarried) face an enormous challenge: How to stay devoted to one another throughout the life of your relationship, even when early enthusiasm and euphoria naturally wane.

Commitment is a very personal process. Unfortunately, for some it will mean blind dedication to a union that rarely meets their needs, while others eschew commitment and impulsively use the ebb and flow of happiness as the gauge whether to stay or leave. Both of these approaches are flawed. Ideally, commitment will remain in place as happiness comes and goes and your relationship finds its footing along life's shifting terrain.

Commitment checklist:

Commit to ________:

...understanding that love grows and deepens over a lifetime.

...acknowledging that all relationships go through ups and downs.

...continuously working toward a meaningful relationship that will transcend momentary happiness.

...working through problems with your partner (while resisting the temptation to get your needs met outside of the relationship).

...finding solutions that will keep your relationship moving forward.

...compromising (even when you think you're right).

...yourself and the relationship.

Don't commit to ________:

...anything that feels abusive.

...always sacrificing what's most important to you.

...the idea that if your relationship requires hard work it means your relationship is flawed.

...the mindset that it's acceptable for your needs to continuously go unmet.

One of the greatest challenges to commitment lies in the instant-gratification mindset -- the idea that you deserve to have what you want when you want it. The settings to our pleasure barometer have been altered, and humans are less willing to deal with frustrating circumstances or anything that feels like it stands in the way of immediate happiness. This poses a problem for relationships.

When you make decisions about your relationship based solely on the need to feel happy (all the time), you abandon commitment and the rich opportunities that are essential for your relationship to grow.

I invite you to think about what commitment means to you. What you are committing to in your marriage or relationship?

About the Author:
Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.

Suffering From Negative Head-Talk?

Suffering From Negative Head-Talk?

By: Jim Sniechowski and Judith Sherven


Nearly everyone does battle with that pesky voice of self-judgment and sabotaging put-downs that chatters away in our heads.

And, in response to a recent teleseminar we gave titled "The Fear of Being Fabulous" we received a request from a participant who said:

"I would love to hear how you remove the head talk that keeps you from being fabulous. I can get so far and then I'm stopped by my head talk."

Here's our answer . . .

First, you'll know it's Head-Talk by the repetitive, nagging attack on who you are. Your self-respect and self-esteem can end up in the toilet. And you can end up on the edge of . . . well, for us it's sometimes been the pothole from hell.

On the other hand, if you only hear a single reminder or even a reprimand, that's usually your wisdom giving you a heads-up to watch out or correct for behavior that's not in your best interest.

But Negative Head-Talk is relentless once it gets going. Its job is to successfully bring you down and remind you of your "proper" place.

What's "proper" about being put down?

Well, you weren't born turning yourself into a brick of Swiss cheese, with more holes than substance. Right?

Somewhere along your life, probably earlier than later, you were told negative stuff about who you are and what you could accomplish and what you could have and who you could be . . .

Even if you cannot now remember what it was or who said it.

Because if that hadn't happened, there wouldn't be any Negative Scripts in your noggin' that involuntarily blast away at you as Negative Self-Talk.

So, what to do when that destructive force turns on you and fills your head with lies . . .

1) Know they are lies.

2) Remember We're On Your Side and we told you they're lies.

3) Take yourself back to where they came from originally, and see if you can remember who told you those lies, when, and what for...

4) Then notice how, when that Negative Head-Talk takes over, you are still in allegiance to that person and that part of your history.

5) Know that even after you've got hold of its source, when the Negative Self-Talk yammers at you you'll be tempted to side with IT instead of with YOU.

6) So that's when you must practice taking your own side, something you couldn't do when you were younger. But you must practice doing it now.

7) Make the commitment to break your allegiance. This won't happen without fear, pain, and sorrow. And there will be a sense of loss. That's expected and normal.

8) Know that this need to detach from the past is urgent. Because that's the key to your well-being and a fabulous future.

9) Stay away from blame. That just keeps you stuck to the past.And that's just another, less obvious form of your allegiance.

10) Make the commitment to side with your desire. It's your desire that will carve out and light the path to the Positive Head-Talk that you need as your powerful guide and ally.

Now, every time your Negative Head-Talk threatens, you have your own internal arsenal to combat and overcome its power to trash your well-being. With practice you'll see that that voice becomes weaker and less active.

And you will enjoy the freedom to be fabulously alive and loving on your own terms.

For deeper breakthroughs, get Judith & Jim's bonus program "Positive Thinking is NOT Enough". Just go to: http://budurl.com/positivethinkinghww


About the Author:

Judith & Jim are the best-selling authors of five relationship books. Their latest is The Smart Couple's Guide to the Wedding of Your Dreams www.smartweddingcouples.com. To receive Judith & Jim's free tips on making your relationships extraordinary, just go to www.makingtheordinaryextraordinary.com

Who I Am Makes A Difference

Acknowledgment says: You matter to me and I believe in you. It is a powerful and profoundly easy way to heal our society. It begins with our children, our families and then extends out to the people living and working with us in our community. Acknowledgment is easy to do, and to make a difference we must embrace opportunities life offers us to do so.

ATTRACTING REAL LOVE

Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other . -- Carl Jung

Dr. Lisa Love Reflections.

A few weeks ago I mentioned research that shows that those who are happiest in life are that way because they have long lasting and loving relationships with others in their lives. That same research showed out of the many countries where the research took place, those living in the United States were second from the bottom (Russia was last) in reporting that they were generally very unhappy people. And, this "unhappy" news was coming from the supposedly most powerful country in the world. If Carl Jung and the research is correct, then it can only mean one thing -- here in the United States love is clearly not ruling.

Of course, there is great hope that the election of President Obama will change that. But, we know better. We won't learn to be a more loving people, and to be loved more in return, because of any person we elect. We will only learn to do this as we choose to be more loving people. But, that requires knowing much more clearly what real love is about.

As I wrote in my Beyond the Secret: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction book, few people really understand what love looks like. Too often it is confused with lust, desire, control, abuse, neediness, copedependency. Eek! The list could go on and on. Even the majority of our music, TV shows, movies, and books talk endlessly about people "falling in and out of love," "suffering and hurting over love," I could go on and on. Yet, none of this is love. None of it! Why? Because real love never hurts, it heals. Real love never ends, it continues. Real love is not something you fall into, it is something you grow into. And, real love is a choice. It is an active decision to learn to love, to act in love, and to choose the way of love no matter what in life.

To help you get more clear about this I invite you to learn about my new Teleclass starting in May (with free sample sessions in April) on Attracting Real Love. I also invite you to read an excellent book that I mentioned last week, THE LOVE DARE (and don't miss the movie Fireproof that goes with it). Because only as we learn what real love is, can we discover how to attract it into our lives something all of us in our heart or hearts are longing for.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

True Security by Cheryl Richardson

True Security
by Cheryl Richardson

"Money cannot buy peace of mind. It cannot heal ruptured relationships, or build meaning into a life that has none." --Richard M. DeVos


While searching for a resource in past newsletters, I came across a topic I wrote about in 2000 that's worth repeating during this difficult economic time. It's about where real security comes from.

If you're like most people, you probably equate a sense of security with how much money you have. I know I did. In order to feel safe and protected, I focused on earning and saving money as a way to achieve peace of mind. As I did however, I discovered something strange. My feelings of security and peace didn't increase with my bank account. Regardless of how much money I earned (or saved), I never felt secure enough.

I've since learned that the key to creating security has to do with a whole lot more than the balance in your savings account. It has to do with the balances in other accounts as well. True security comes from having a reserve in all areas of your life - a reserve of community, love, self esteem, a connection to God, or health, in addition to financial reserves. Until you invest in these other areas, you'll always feel insecure, regardless of how much money you have.

Of course money is important - we all need it to live and to make the kinds of choices that maintain or improve the quality of our lives. But it's equally important to make deposits into other accounts as well. For example, consider the following questions:

1. Do you have a reserve of friends and/or family who are there for you in times of need?

2. Do you have a reserve of confidence and self esteem that allows you to stand up for yourself in the face of a challenge?

3. Do you have a reserve of courage that you can call upon when you need to take difficult actions?

4. Do you have a reserve of faith and a strong connection to a power greater than yourself for those times when you've done what you can and you need to surrender?

5. Do you have a reserve of physical energy that will allow you to do what it takes to succeed?

6. Do you have a reserve of colleagues or professional relationships that will support your career?

Just as you make regular deposits to your savings account, you'll want to start making regular deposits into these other accounts as well. As an example, those of you who are looking for work or feel concerned about the stability of your jobs, will benefit from networking - getting together with friends and colleagues to share resources, referrals, ideas, and suggestions. Career experts agree that this is still the single, most effective way to land great work. With that in mind, you quickly realize that investing in a professional network creates the kind of protection money can't buy.

When you view security from this perspective, it's easy to see that regular dates with your best friend are just as important as regular deposits into your IRA. Or building a reserve of self-esteem is even more important than putting money away for a new home.

It takes time and attention to build reserves in each of these areas and it's worth the investment. When you do, you not only make for a secure future, you create a secure present as well. And, when the present feels secure, you'll make much better choices for you and your family. So, how about it - ready to start making new deposits?


Take Action Challenge


Take a large sheet of paper and create several columns. At the top of each column list an "account category" such as love, community, confidence/self esteem, courage, emotional and physical health, etc.

Once you've completed these columns, write down your current assets in each of these areas. For example, under "community" you might list close friends and family members. Or under physical health, you might list those things you already do to take good care of your body.

Once you're clear about what you do have, notice what's missing. Then, pick one area that needs more attention and make a deposit this week :).

Emotional independence

Emotional independence
by Paulo Coelho


“At the beginning of our life and again when we get old, we need the help and affection of others. Unfortunately, between these two periods of our life, when we are strong and able to look after ourselves, we don’t appreciate the value of affection and compassion. As our own life begins and ends with the need for affection, wouldn’t it be better if we gave compassion and love to others while we are strong and capable?”

The above words were said by the present Dalai Lama. Really, it is very curious to see that we are proud of our emotional independence. Evidently, it is not quite like that: we continue needing others our entire life, but it is a “shame” to show that, so we prefer to cry in hiding. And when someone asks us for help, that person is considered weak and incapable of controlling his feelings.

There is an unwritten rule saying that “the world is for the strong”, that “only the fittest survive.” If it were like that, human beings would never have existed, because they are part of a species that needs to be protected for a long period of time (specialists say that we are only capable of surviving on our own after nine years of age, whereas a giraffe takes only six to eight months, and a bee is already independent in less than five minutes).

We are in this world, I, for my part, continue – and will always continue – depending on others. I depend on my wife, my friends and my publishers. I depend even on my enemies, who help me to be always trained in the use of the sword.

Clearly, there are moments when this fire blows in another direction, but I always ask myself: where are the others? Have I isolated myself too much? Like any healthy person, I also need solitude and moments of reflection.

But I cannot get addicted to that.

Emotional independence leads to absolutely nowhere – except to a would-be fortress, whose only and useless objective is to impress others.

Emotional dependence, in its turn, is like a bonfire that we light.

In the beginning, relationships are difficult. In the same way that fire is necessary to put up with the disagreeable smoke – which makes breathing hard, and causes tears to pour down one’s face. However, once the fire is alight, the smoke disappears and the flames light up everything around us – spreading warmth, calm, and possibly making an ember pop out to burn us, but that is what makes a relationship interesting, isn’t that true?

I began this column quoting a Nobel Peace Prize winner about the importance of human relationships. I am ending with Professor Albert Schweitzer, physician and missionary, who received the same Nobel prize in 1952.

"All of us know a disease in Central Africa called sleeping sickness. What we need to know is that there is a similar disease that attacks the soul – and which is very dangerous, because it catches us without being noticed. When you notice the slightest sign of indifference and lack of enthusiasm for your similar, be on the alert!”

"The only way to take precautions against this disease is to understand that the soul suffers, and suffers a lot, when we make it live superficially. The soul likes things that are beautiful and profound”.

http://www.warriorofthelight.com/

Happiness Decision

Happiness Decision by Lionel Ketchian

This is well worth the time to view it.



There is a positive connection between health and happiness (now scientifically verified), as well as a negative correlation between health and unhappiness (à stressàdisease)

� Happiness doesn’t mean you won’t have problems, even major ones; we all have problems; life is all about problems.

� You are/can be separate from your problems. When you see the truth of this you can be happy even in the midst of these problems.

� Acceptance is the way out for those problems over which you have no control.

� This doesn’t mean you can’t work on improving life or getting rid of problems. Those who are happy, in fact, have more energy for working on the problems they can work to improve.

� You choose happiness moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day. Whatever comes up you can ask yourself if it is worth losing your happiness for it…and will that help? It’s a present moment choice all the time in Being Happy in the Moment, moment by moment.

� When you are happy you make better decisions; you mind is clearer and more creative.

� Happy people are more fun to be with, more attractive to others, have better long term relationships, are healthier, and live longer.


Excerpt from Aymee Coget, "How to Be Happy No Matter What"

SPREAD THE JOY by Dr. Lisa Love

The sharing of joy, whether physical, emotional, psychic, or intellectual, forms a bridge between the sharers which can be the basis for understanding much of what is not shared between them, and lessens the threat of their difference.-- Audre Lorde

Dr. Lisa Love Coaching Tip

The other night I was home with my son and received a video link from a Facebook friend in Greece. The images of Greece combined with the music got my heart happy and the next thing you know I was singing and dancing all over my home. I new fan of Twitter, I "tweeted" about all the fun I was having to friends there and the next thing I knew I was in the middle of an international party spreading the joy all around. I even had people from other states in the United States call me on the phone. The laughter, the networking, the sheer fun and silliness of it all kept amping up the joy in my life. In turn I amped it up with the people around me and went to bed on a super high of giggles and smiles.

As I woke up the next morning I thought to myself, "Instead of telling people around the globe in this economic crisis to go shopping, maybe we should tell everyone to go dancing instead." A vision of people all around the world dealing with the economic crisis not by saying, "Oh my, how will I handle this all?" but by indulging in one big joy fest of singing, dancing, laughing, and smiling flooded my imagination. I could even see YouTube videos being shared of people just sharing the major joy fest they were having. None of it costs a thing to indulge in, yet far more than shopping I am certain such a thing would do way more to help out the economy than anything else we could think of. Can't you see it? A world wide laugh fest? No one able to supress our spirits because we decide instead to raise them up to a whole new vibration regardless? Couldn't be better. So get out your dance shoes. Tune up your instruments. Looses up your vocal chords. Get playing and spread the joy! It's infectious! And, it's one virus worth spreading right now.

Dr. Lisa Lisa
www.doctorlisalove.com